Hi everyone. I have been reading threads for about a year, trying to work out if my wife was having an affair. This is my first post. Sorry this is long.
My wife and I have been married 20 years. I'm 42, she's 38. We have a really fun, loving and passionate relationship and we've been very happy together.
We're still happy but 18 months ago, our 7yo son made friends with a new kid at school. The dad is a stay at home dad and he and my wife started organising play dates for the boys. He seemed like a good guy, I met him several times and things were friendly and seemed normal between us but I noticed he paid a lot more attention to my wife than me. He would make prolonged eye contact with her even while the three of us were supposedly having a conversation. He always refused my suggestions that we have a beer on friday etc but has no trouble making time to see my wife.
Very quickly, they went from dropping boys off for playdates to staying for coffee, then staying the whole time. They have also been hanging out a lot with just the two of them, during the day when the kids are at school and I've been at work. They also started texting each other a lot, hundreds of times a month. When they hang out, it's all day I'm talking from as early at 7.30am til dark. He often texted her early in the morning and late at night while we were in bed. I hated it.
Skip ahead a few more months, he's confiding in her about his troubled marriage, he's also told her some secrets he's never told anyone else. They have stuff in common that we don't have so they talked for hours about all sorts of sh*t. They gave each other very personal gifts for their birthdays. She'd only known him 10 months at the time and her present was both personal and very expensive and involved what was basically a date (dressing up + dinner + activity, alone at night, he picked her up and brought her home. I felt like a champ).
We've had many fights about how much contact she has with this man. She has always insisted that they are just friends, that they have a special connection but its not romantic.
Last week my wife confessed she has been in love with him the whole time. She said she had an immediate attraction and when he started texting her a lot, she loved it and respnded. She has tried to cut back on contact and tried not to initiate contact and other things but she realised she didn't have the willpower to do what she knew she was supposed to do. She told me this because she has decided to cut all contact with him.
My wife is extremely apologetic and she says she feels like she has woken up, that she can see it from my shoes now. She insists that he has never returned her feelings. She said she told him 4 months ago. He was very sick at the time and nearly died so she decided to tell him she loved him. Apparently he said he didn't think of her like that. They agreed to just carry on as they had been. She says she felt like it was okay because if he didn't like her back, then nothing was ever going to happen. She swears nothing physical has ever happened between them, that he's never even tried.
I'm upset. She had to break up with this guy. She had to tell him it was too hard for her and that she can't see him anymore. Then they had a fight and there were tears. Doesn't sound like 'just friends' to me.
What do you guys think about this man? Do you believe he didn't feel anything more than 'just friends' for my wife? I can't imagine being this attentive and persistent with some chick I didn't want to screw. My wife is hot, smart and fun.
And what should I do about my wife? She is very sorry and doing everything to make it up to me. She is completely open with me now. She's taken her passcode off her phone, she has unfriended him on facebook. They talked twice after the day after she broke up with him and I knew about both times. They have not spoken since. She has told his wife. Playdates will be organised with the wife and only when the husband is not around. My wife and I do not want to see him.
I don't know what to do here. I'm angry that she and this guy had a secret like this from me. I'm angry that they were so intimate. He told her she was his best friend. They said I love you to each other once while he was sick. He has written her poetry, drawn her pictures and played her songs. He talks about her all the time on fb and mentions her in his work (he's a writer). She has confessed that she was flattered. He swears that he has only ever treated her like any other friend. She is upset about that. Post break up he wouldnt even say that she was special to him. She says this helped her snap out of it but I'm pissed that she was upset about not being special to another man.
Whole thing makes me sick. Still love my wife. Glad she stopped this but I don't know what to do.
I'm just so angry about the whole thing.
I don't really know what I want to hear. I guess I just want to get it off my chest. I'm not telling anyone in RL that my wife has been in love with another guy. Best part? We all live on the same street. Not next door thank god but we are still going to see them all the f*ing time.
Thanks for listening.
Luke.
My wife and I have been married 20 years. I'm 42, she's 38. We have a really fun, loving and passionate relationship and we've been very happy together.
We're still happy but 18 months ago, our 7yo son made friends with a new kid at school. The dad is a stay at home dad and he and my wife started organising play dates for the boys. He seemed like a good guy, I met him several times and things were friendly and seemed normal between us but I noticed he paid a lot more attention to my wife than me. He would make prolonged eye contact with her even while the three of us were supposedly having a conversation. He always refused my suggestions that we have a beer on friday etc but has no trouble making time to see my wife.
Very quickly, they went from dropping boys off for playdates to staying for coffee, then staying the whole time. They have also been hanging out a lot with just the two of them, during the day when the kids are at school and I've been at work. They also started texting each other a lot, hundreds of times a month. When they hang out, it's all day I'm talking from as early at 7.30am til dark. He often texted her early in the morning and late at night while we were in bed. I hated it.
Skip ahead a few more months, he's confiding in her about his troubled marriage, he's also told her some secrets he's never told anyone else. They have stuff in common that we don't have so they talked for hours about all sorts of sh*t. They gave each other very personal gifts for their birthdays. She'd only known him 10 months at the time and her present was both personal and very expensive and involved what was basically a date (dressing up + dinner + activity, alone at night, he picked her up and brought her home. I felt like a champ).
We've had many fights about how much contact she has with this man. She has always insisted that they are just friends, that they have a special connection but its not romantic.
Last week my wife confessed she has been in love with him the whole time. She said she had an immediate attraction and when he started texting her a lot, she loved it and respnded. She has tried to cut back on contact and tried not to initiate contact and other things but she realised she didn't have the willpower to do what she knew she was supposed to do. She told me this because she has decided to cut all contact with him.
My wife is extremely apologetic and she says she feels like she has woken up, that she can see it from my shoes now. She insists that he has never returned her feelings. She said she told him 4 months ago. He was very sick at the time and nearly died so she decided to tell him she loved him. Apparently he said he didn't think of her like that. They agreed to just carry on as they had been. She says she felt like it was okay because if he didn't like her back, then nothing was ever going to happen. She swears nothing physical has ever happened between them, that he's never even tried.
I'm upset. She had to break up with this guy. She had to tell him it was too hard for her and that she can't see him anymore. Then they had a fight and there were tears. Doesn't sound like 'just friends' to me.
What do you guys think about this man? Do you believe he didn't feel anything more than 'just friends' for my wife? I can't imagine being this attentive and persistent with some chick I didn't want to screw. My wife is hot, smart and fun.
And what should I do about my wife? She is very sorry and doing everything to make it up to me. She is completely open with me now. She's taken her passcode off her phone, she has unfriended him on facebook. They talked twice after the day after she broke up with him and I knew about both times. They have not spoken since. She has told his wife. Playdates will be organised with the wife and only when the husband is not around. My wife and I do not want to see him.
I don't know what to do here. I'm angry that she and this guy had a secret like this from me. I'm angry that they were so intimate. He told her she was his best friend. They said I love you to each other once while he was sick. He has written her poetry, drawn her pictures and played her songs. He talks about her all the time on fb and mentions her in his work (he's a writer). She has confessed that she was flattered. He swears that he has only ever treated her like any other friend. She is upset about that. Post break up he wouldnt even say that she was special to him. She says this helped her snap out of it but I'm pissed that she was upset about not being special to another man.
Whole thing makes me sick. Still love my wife. Glad she stopped this but I don't know what to do.
I'm just so angry about the whole thing.
I don't really know what I want to hear. I guess I just want to get it off my chest. I'm not telling anyone in RL that my wife has been in love with another guy. Best part? We all live on the same street. Not next door thank god but we are still going to see them all the f*ing time.
Thanks for listening.
Luke.