[RNJ]

My husband and I have been married for 9 years and while we have had our ups and downs, most of our marriage has been wonderful including our children. For the last few months, he has been going out with his friends more, and staying out later than I would like, and drinking (with he has never done before), and spending more money than usual. We talked about him taking his spending down and he agreed no questions asked then I found out he was taking out cash from his checks and using a credit card that I was not monitoring (bc I didn't think we were using it). At that point it was trivial things but it was still money that we could've used. He said he did it b/c he didn't like to answer for every little thing he spent but understood I felt hurt and would stop. Last week I found out that for 2 1/2 months, he had continued to take money out from his checks, and in the end it added up to a pretty significant amount of money (esp for us). I confronted him and he said he spent the money on small things like lunch and things for us. He has no proof of his purchases and we have nothing to show from the money he spent. Not only I am I feeling betrayed, hurt, and of course angry, but I am also wondering what else he is lying about or what else I am completely clueless on. I feel stupid for not knowing he was lying to my face day in and day out. He doesn't seem guilty knowing how tight things have been for us when the money he took out could have helped. He actually seems upset that I am mad at him and that I haven't forgiven him yet. Since our confortation, he is either acting like nothing has happend or is freezing me out by not speaking to me.I have totally lost my trust in him and I don't know how I get that back. I feel like I deserved better from him, and maybe he deserves for me to leave him (but that may just be the anger talking right now.) It is less about the money for me but more about the on going lies.

 

[Chelle D]

I would be wondering if he started gambling.

That's a very tough one to deal with. Also the spending money behind your back. It would seem like he is hiding , either a girlfriend, or hiding a gambling problem.

It's going to take a LOT on his part of opening up to you, for you to start to trust him again.

 

[wifey4lifey]

Try talking to him when you have calmed down. Try to make him understand that although you are very upset about him using money that could have gone into the family pot, the ultimate hurt comes from the lies and deception.