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I have been married for 17 yrs. at first my husband was very loving, respectful and would always go out of his way for me. I was married at 17 and even though at the time we were first married, he started to make comments about my clothes. Either my shirt was to revealing or shorts were to short, but at that time I was young and didn't listen to him. Through out the years our marriage really started to change and more so after the birth of our two boys. The last few years he has gotten really hard to live with, he would go off in screaming, ranting fits, cuseing at me, calling me names over simple things, for example one time was because he didn't have clean socks to wear to work. There was times he would leave for work and I would be in tears from all the hurtful things he would say to me, sometime through out the day or when he got home he would apologize for the screaming fit, more times than not he would just act like it never happened. The clothes I would wear went from simply suggesting that i wear something else because it was unappropriate, to forbidding me to wear certain clothes, then forbidding me to go certain places and the one that really ticked me off was when he tried to tell me not to be friends with someone. His reason for not wanting me to be friends with this person was because they had made mistakes in the past and he was worried what people would think of us if i was friends with them. He would go off the deep end over the simplest things, if he had told the boys they needed to cut the grass while he was at work and it wasn't done by the time he got home. He would start screaming and cuseing, saying he was tired of always asking them to do something and never getting any help from them, but when it came to them wanting stuff he was suppose to dish it out well not anymore. That is the nicest part of it and keep cuseing them, but for the most part his screaming fits were always directed towards me. About 10 months ago, I left after not being able to take the way he was towards me anymore and other personal reasons between him and I. It wasn't until a few months ago, I started to read about relationships and found out about controling spouses. Shortly after I left him, it was like driving him insane that he no longer had a say so in my life, when him and I have talked about what went wrong in our marriage, i have brought up all the hurt I went through when he would cuse at me and call me names, then he would tell me that I hurt him too. I asked him how exactly did I hurt him and he says how I left him.
When I left he told my 12 yr old that I didn't just leave him (my husband) but I also left him (my son) and his brother. I have made it a point to tell both of my boys that i would never ever leave them. I have tried many times to get them to move in with me, but I know it is his control over them that stops them from doing this. My oldest would spend the week ends with me and then it stopped, I couldnt figure out why for the longest time. Here recently I learned since I moved out my husband has laid all the house hold responsibilities on my 17 yr old and the responsibility of his little brother, anyways my husband asked my oldest why was he going up to my house every week end and he replied because I miss her and also up there I can just enjoy being me and my husband yelled back at him "If you enjoy living up there with your mommy and her new man so much then go ahead and pack your bags and move in with her and just leave me here alone with your brother the same way she did me. Needless to say he stopped spending the week ends with me. My Husband has been trying really hard to get me to come home, when we talk and he ask me to come back I willl try to explain to him that I am not willing to go through that kind of life again and then i hear about how he has changed, he dosent blow up like he use too. I have tried to explain that I think I am falling in love with someone else and he has told me that if i come home he can love me enough for both of us. I know that is not possible. Any time I talk to him and try to get him to understand certain things, he only hears out of the conversation what he wants to. I need help trying to figure out, is it possible for a overly controling person to truly change? Does he want me to come back home because he feels like I left him for someone new and it is driving his controling behavior insane? (that is not how it happened, but he feels it did) Maybe he isn't as controling as I think he is. Please someone tell me your opinion on this.
 
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