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A few months ago I confronted my husband about a possible PA and at least an EA. The same week, I was laid off from my job. He denied that anything was going on. Approximately 2 weeks ago, I found texts on his work phone from him to the OW saying that he missed her already, etc. on weekend night that he was supposedly doing work for a friend. Of course he says that he was just kidding, doesn't know why he said that. All a bunch of lies. The OW is a someone he sees at work every day. Luckily we don't have any children together which make this easier for me than some people. I know that I have to leave, but I feel trapped due to my lack of employment. Also for the first time in my life, I get my health insurance benefits through his company. If we separate, I lose my benefits. I'm well-educated and actively looking for employment, but some days I just get so FRUSTRATED. My husband will give me excuses for where he's been, but they are clearly lies. I wish he would just say nothing than make up these stupid stories. When I have a new job with benefits, I plan on having the talk that we should have had when all of this started...right before I leave. Just needed to vent. :(
 

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Well...I know this exceedingly depressing, but start out by getting yourself tested for STD's while you do have health benefits. And if you're still sleeping together, insist he use a condom.

Make sure your birth control is working great, because you sure don't want to have a kid right now.

Go to a lawyer and discuss your options / situation. You never know what your alternatives are until you find out. There's a chance it isn't so bleak after all.

See if you can get a copy of his online cell phone bill. I know it's a work phone, but I figured out that my H's work phone was actually HIS phone only subsidized by work (money in his pay). Would have never realized this except that I went online, and set up an online account for his phone number. I will warn you, however, that it will tell him an account has been set up by sending an email to his work email account. But, you're 100% sure he's using the phone this way. So just be sure and do it at a point when he can't reach you (like when he's asleep), and go in and print off everything from the last 12 months because that's all the account will show, and you want to save all the evidence you can (for Verizon, it also include the #'s / location / times for the last month's texts). I know this is a long shot but thought I'd suggest it just in case it works for you too.
 

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A few months ago I confronted my husband about a possible PA and at least an EA. The same week, I was laid off from my job. He denied that anything was going on. Approximately 2 weeks ago, I found texts on his work phone from him to the OW saying that he missed her already, etc. on weekend night that he was supposedly doing work for a friend. Of course he says that he was just kidding, doesn't know why he said that. All a bunch of lies. The OW is a someone he sees at work every day. Luckily we don't have any children together which make this easier for me than some people. I know that I have to leave, but I feel trapped due to my lack of employment. Also for the first time in my life, I get my health insurance benefits through his company. If we separate, I lose my benefits. I'm well-educated and actively looking for employment, but some days I just get so FRUSTRATED. My husband will give me excuses for where he's been, but they are clearly lies. I wish he would just say nothing than make up these stupid stories. When I have a new job with benefits, I plan on having the talk that we should have had when all of this started...right before I leave. Just needed to vent. :(
I wonder if you might be better gathering more evidence somehow?

Might he use email to contact her if they are still in touch (get a keylogger if so)? Would he talk in the car (get a voice activated recorder if so).

Don't write it all off yet. If he is having an affair you might be able to stop it and that might at least give you some emotional space.

Sorry you are here but you might be able to do more.
 

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Seems to me you know the truth. What I would do would be to confront H dead on. I know you said you have confronted him but what I mean is hardcore , laying it out there. Tell him you know he is lying and you don't want to hear his excuses tell him if he loves you and wants to stay married he will come clean and try and work through it. If not then so be it. I always have to use forceful tactics with my H when I know he is lying through his teeth.

If you do something like this make sure you stay calm. Don't scream or get angry. Let him see strength and confidence in your eyes rather than fear and confusion!
 
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A few months ago I confronted my husband about a possible PA and at least an EA. The same week, I was laid off from my job. He denied that anything was going on. Approximately 2 weeks ago, I found texts on his work phone from him to the OW saying that he missed her already, etc. on weekend night that he was supposedly doing work for a friend. Of course he says that he was just kidding, doesn't know why he said that. All a bunch of lies. The OW is a someone he sees at work every day. Luckily we don't have any children together which make this easier for me than some people. I know that I have to leave, but I feel trapped due to my lack of employment. Also for the first time in my life, I get my health insurance benefits through his company. If we separate, I lose my benefits. I'm well-educated and actively looking for employment, but some days I just get so FRUSTRATED. My husband will give me excuses for where he's been, but they are clearly lies. I wish he would just say nothing than make up these stupid stories. When I have a new job with benefits, I plan on having the talk that we should have had when all of this started...right before I leave. Just needed to vent. :(
You might want to see a lawyer in your State. You see, in most States you don't lose benefits unless you are Divorced, aka "no longer married". While Separated, you are still considered married in the eyes of the law and he can't take you off of his insurance while you still remain married. That buys you some time.

If it is your intention to leave, don't tell him. Gather evidence, find ways to secure your personal property, keep an eye on the bank statements and most definitely keep looking for another job.

I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you well.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thank you for the suggestions. I will check to see what is legal in my State. I am planning on using a VAR. I have it ready to go and will be placing it on Saturday. I really wish I had access to his work cell phone bill. It is not subsidized by his company, it was provided by him. I appreciate the support and kind words.
 

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I wonder if you might be better gathering more evidence somehow?

Might he use email to contact her if they are still in touch (get a keylogger if so)? Would he talk in the car (get a voice activated recorder if so).

Don't write it all off yet. If he is having an affair you might be able to stop it and that might at least give you some emotional space.

Sorry you are here but you might be able to do more.
Go to the thread in my sig if you need help with gathering evidence.
 
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