[jlynn2012]

I am so confused, hurt and angry. I recently found out that my husband prior to our marriage and first child, had been living a double life. I received the info from the other woman involved, she contacted me, and explained that when I had met my husband he was in a relationship with her for almost 3 years, he was working in my state(but had lived in hers) when we met he had told me he had been single for about a year, I said I was currently dating someone, but I am not committed.. We spent almost every spare minute together after we met... a few years later we married, and we had a child.. Now is when this all came out.. he was intimate with her on several occasions after being with me, but she was and still is in a different state so the intimate acts were very few, but he spoke to her on the phone very often- after work- she would be the last person he spoke to then came home and kiss me hello like nothing!!!! According to her dates, he stopped everything a moth prior to our marriage.. Their whatever you wanna call it still lasted for the first 2 years of my relationship with him!!! I want to walk away so bad... The pain and hurt is so hard, he still has to travel and these days I can't go as we have a 2 year old!! I have NO trust and I can't stop thinking of every moment that he spent with me or my family back then was a lie... I am right now 8 months pregnant. Impeccable timing.. Right! So what now?? I can't stop crying everyday I am alone, He is SO sorry but can not explain why he did it!! I am educated but have been out of work once we decided to start a family, so he's the bread winner!! I have very little saved up and he will fight me tooth and nail on support.. He does swear that was the only time he has ever strayed, and would never risk loosing our life.. BUT really what would he say? One day I think we can get through it, the next day I feel like we will never be right again.. I want my marriage and family but only if its a good healthy relationship!! I don't want to feel insecure if he can't answer my call. Is it bad that part of me wishes she never told me? Any help is greatly appreciated.

 

[EleGirl]

Sorry to hear what you are going through. This is hard.

Did this woman tell you why she told you after all this time?

Did she say if he has had any contact at all with her since your marriage?

Right now you are so close to your due date; it's not the time to make decisions. You have to take care of yourself and your new baby and your 2 year old. Just get through this time.

Have told your family? How about his family?

If you consider marriage recovery at all I think he needs to find a new job where he is home with you every night.

On the topic of him fighting you for support during a divorce... well he can fight all he wants but the laws are the laws. Each state has different laws on this. So you might want to look up the laws in your state and even see an attorney if you can ... maybe after the baby is born.

I think that in most states he will have to pay you interim support and child support until the divorce is final. After that there can be rehabilitative support until you get a job and child support. The length of alimony often depends on the length of the marriage.

 

[jlynn2012]

Thanks EleGirl,
I have been racking my brain to try and figure out why she felt the need to tell me now.. She said she just found out about me and the time frame of everything.. According to her they stopped talking prior to us getting married.. and no I have not shared this with anyone but my closest gf.. and him.. I guess I am afraid of what my family would think if I did decide to forgive him and work past it- So I keep it all bottled up..

 

[EleGirl]

I can understand why you have not told them. But you also need support.

It might be that she just found out and so told you. I'm not implying it was the wrong thing for her to do. I think I would want to know this about my husband.

My gut feeling is that he did it simply because he could. IT was easy. My ex did something similar. He also traveled. He did not stop until I found out a year into our marriage however.

I tried to reconcile but it has not gone well at all. AT first I thought it did. But now 10 years later we are divorced.

How long have you known?

What has your husband done to start proving to you that he can now be trusted?

 

[alte Dame]

I can imagine how disorienting this is. Perhaps the other woman wanted to warn you about your H's duplicity in case he never told you.

What was his immediate reaction when you confronted him? Do you think he told you everything?