I'm not sure if it works the same way with us guys as it does women. I'm big on the thought that many women often don't know what they want to make them desire sex, they THINK they do (and they're often wrong). They "are tired and want more help around the house, then maybe I'll be in the mood" or "if you'd just stop pestering me about it, maybe I'd be in the mood". We know that often does not work, as seen on these forums many times. What's missing is not often work or sleep, but an attraction. The guy does more, gets less, then whines about it, argues about it, talks about it, and nothing changes...until he starts to stand up for himself, pull back, and create some sexual tension and desire in his wife.
Is it the same for us guys? I don't know. I don't THINK I work like that, but maybe I do and don't know it. That question may be better answered by women with experience in that who have overcome it with LD mates.
But, I do know this.... There are often times I'm not "in the mood". She'll do suggesstive things or make suggestive comments and I may think "god, not now, I'm just not in the mood. Maybe later." Or if she says or does nothing, we may go to bed and just go to sleep. Now, if she keeps suggesting, yes, I'll start things up because I know she wants it, and I'll always respond ultimately.
What does work for me is this: As I get older and things get more familiar, I find I'm not an 19 year old boy anymore, ready to go at the mere mention of sex. And I resent it a little bit sometimes that the thought seems to be that "well, he's a guy, so just flashing him a smile or some boob should be enough". As we get older, it often just is not so. But, if we're laying in bed or on the couch, and she starts with rubbing my chest, leg (anywhere), and moves to my groin and starts lighting rubbing around and on there, I guarantee you, in short order, I WILL be in the mood. She won't have to say a word or do much. Just start tickling the area with fingertips or rubbing me through my clothes. Or stick a hand up the leg of my shorts and start playing around that area. I WILL come to "full attention" before long, and a couple more minutes of that and I am MORE than ready to go.
For me it has nothing to do with desire for her, but desire for sex at that particular moment that is an issue (along with a far back fear that if I'm not really ready, I may suffer performance issues or not be "good"). Once the "male foreplay" starts though, I snap out of it pretty darned fast.
Try that. If he pushes you away or otherwise rudely rejects you, then I would say it is time to start pulling back and do a 180 of sorts, and create some desire in him through tension. Advice would be the same as if I were talking to a guy...get a life outside the house (a day out with the girls or a hobby or craft that gets you out). Stop going "above and beyond" in doing nice things for him in an effort to kiss his azz to create desire.
