Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 27 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Husband got home from work we had a nice dinner. The whole time we were sitting there eating he was watching tv and all I could think about was start the conversation. You know what to say, you know how you feel.

I put it aside and started cleaning up from dinner. Everything was fine he was normal. I think he could tell something was bothering me due to my mental distance. Didn't ask me if I was ok. I guess I am use to that though so it didn't bother to much.

After i was finished cleaning up after supper I was trying to think of a way I could start the conversation or initiate sex. So I told him I was going to shower. I made sure I left a few things in the other bathroom so I had to walk past him to grab them. I made sure i wore his favorite underwear and bra. I went to the bathroom undressed and called his name just to make sure i had his attention. I walk out of the room and said never mind and proceeded to walk to the bathroom to get it myself.

He took one look at me and I smiled and gave him the whole come get me eyes, his eyes went back to the tv. I was so aggravated after that. I went showered and dressed and went to lay down and read my book.

An hour later he came to bed. What I don't understand is he got into bed got comfortable and then asked me why i was so far away on the bed. Told me to move over closer to him so he can feel my skin. I was like It might work! So i took my shirt off snuggled into his skin and started to slowly move my hand down his back gave him a half massage half tickle with my nails. I moved my hand close to area and I felt the rejection setting in so I stopped. Minutes later he was sleeping.

I laid there a good couple hours thinking about what is wrong with me. What is wrong with him. What can i do next time.. All sorts of things. I just don't understand.

I Just want to make sweet/rough love to my husband! DAMNIT!!:confused:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,408 Posts
My theory is sometimes guys just need a kick in the head.

My advice....be blatent and extremely obvious. Slip on something sexy....pull out those crazy heels....walk in front of the tv....be playful and try to pull him into the bedroom.

Good luck! ;)

Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
My theory is sometimes guys just need a kick in the head.

My advice....be blatent and extremely obvious. Slip on something sexy....pull out those crazy heels....walk in front of the tv....be playful and try to pull him into the bedroom.

Good luck! ;)

Posted via Mobile Device
Thanks hun! I agree. He needs a huge swift kick in the head! I will try again tonight!! Last night for a while as the monster in law is coming to town and staying almost a month! Kill me now!:banghead:
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
624 Posts
You should lay all sexy across the bed and order him to come take you. Any normal man would come running and jump in after you. I know I would if my wife did that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
813 Posts
I'm not sure if it works the same way with us guys as it does women. I'm big on the thought that many women often don't know what they want to make them desire sex, they THINK they do (and they're often wrong). They "are tired and want more help around the house, then maybe I'll be in the mood" or "if you'd just stop pestering me about it, maybe I'd be in the mood". We know that often does not work, as seen on these forums many times. What's missing is not often work or sleep, but an attraction. The guy does more, gets less, then whines about it, argues about it, talks about it, and nothing changes...until he starts to stand up for himself, pull back, and create some sexual tension and desire in his wife.

Is it the same for us guys? I don't know. I don't THINK I work like that, but maybe I do and don't know it. That question may be better answered by women with experience in that who have overcome it with LD mates.

But, I do know this.... There are often times I'm not "in the mood". She'll do suggesstive things or make suggestive comments and I may think "god, not now, I'm just not in the mood. Maybe later." Or if she says or does nothing, we may go to bed and just go to sleep. Now, if she keeps suggesting, yes, I'll start things up because I know she wants it, and I'll always respond ultimately.

What does work for me is this: As I get older and things get more familiar, I find I'm not an 19 year old boy anymore, ready to go at the mere mention of sex. And I resent it a little bit sometimes that the thought seems to be that "well, he's a guy, so just flashing him a smile or some boob should be enough". As we get older, it often just is not so. But, if we're laying in bed or on the couch, and she starts with rubbing my chest, leg (anywhere), and moves to my groin and starts lighting rubbing around and on there, I guarantee you, in short order, I WILL be in the mood. She won't have to say a word or do much. Just start tickling the area with fingertips or rubbing me through my clothes. Or stick a hand up the leg of my shorts and start playing around that area. I WILL come to "full attention" before long, and a couple more minutes of that and I am MORE than ready to go.

For me it has nothing to do with desire for her, but desire for sex at that particular moment that is an issue (along with a far back fear that if I'm not really ready, I may suffer performance issues or not be "good"). Once the "male foreplay" starts though, I snap out of it pretty darned fast.

Try that. If he pushes you away or otherwise rudely rejects you, then I would say it is time to start pulling back and do a 180 of sorts, and create some desire in him through tension. Advice would be the same as if I were talking to a guy...get a life outside the house (a day out with the girls or a hobby or craft that gets you out). Stop going "above and beyond" in doing nice things for him in an effort to kiss his azz to create desire.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,811 Posts
Bringing the advice over from your other thread HelpWanted, I have two comments.

Firstly, you didn't actually talk to him. You need to bring it up. If you are having trouble talking to him about it, then tell you want to talk to him on say Tuesday after work, so that you're scheduled in and you can't back out of it. E-mail him as well if you can't get the guts to bring it up in coversation. Force yourself to set a date to tell him how you feel. This problem won't get any better until you do.

Secondly, try not to imply rejection. I know where you come from, I was in your boat for a much longer time. It sucks. Any negative emotion from your spouse begins to take the form of a 100% guaranteed rejection and you stop or don't bother trying. Try not to get into that habit. Keep pushing and make him tell you no. Put it back on him. Don't imply rejection, because he can just tell you later "Well actually I was in the mood but you didn't try anything so I figured YOU weren't in the mood." Don't let him off easy, make him accountable.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16,640 Posts
Sometimes we guys absolutely need to smacked across the snoot with a 2 by 4. I greatly think that guys are much worse at picking up signals from women than women are from picking up those same signals from men.

If all else fails, just ask or get physical with him!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,811 Posts
Sometimes we guys absolutely need to smacked across the snoot with a 2 by 4. I greatly think that guys are much worse at picking up signals from women than women are from picking up those same signals from men.

If all else fails, just ask or get physical with him!
I'm of the opinion that, regardless of if you are a man or a woman, if you are actually looking for signals, you'll pick them up quite easily.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
693 Posts
The easiest way for you to get your guy to do the deed is this.....stop playing coy and get right to it. If you're prancing around like a horse with a new shoe he knows your antics and as you guessed it...simply is not in the mood cause why? he KNOWS your antics.
Next time just put on a robe and sit a bit faw away from him and start masturbating........whether or not he pays attention just kep doing it and see what happens. No guy I know can hold up a wall that long..
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
624 Posts
The easiest way for you to get your guy to do the deed is this.....stop playing coy and get right to it. If you're prancing around like a horse with a new shoe he knows your antics and as you guessed it...simply is not in the mood cause why? he KNOWS your antics.
Next time just put on a robe and sit a bit faw away from him and start masturbating........whether or not he pays attention just kep doing it and see what happens. No guy I know can hold up a wall that long..
Right on...if my wife started masturbating like that, my face would be planted between her legs faster than she knew what was eating her. :D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
I concur. Stop "prancing around like a horse" (Love it!!!) trying to send signals. Cut to the chase. Try this: (In your best British accent of course) "Hey luv, fancy a shag?":D

I can't think of a time I ever said "No."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
44 Posts
Sounds to me like you're married to a typical man.

Unless there are larger issues that haven't been mentioned here, it just seems to me like his radar was turned-off and he wasn't receiving your signals.

You seem frustrated that you seem to be so good at knowing what he's thinking and his inability to read your mind and signals.

I think I would have noticed your signals if I were your husband, but I can just as easily picture myself being just as clueless as your husband in the same situation.

Give your husband a free pass on this one.

Why don't you in a friendly and humourous way gently scold your husband by recounting all of the things you did to get his attention and he missed them all.

Then seriously tell him you want to rekindle the sex life.

If he's a good guy, he'll be on-board for more frequent sex.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,156 Posts
Subtle + Man = Fail

Try a more direct approach - instead of just walking by, literally crawl up and straddle him. Better yet, kneel and initiate oral sex.

I had a whole conversation with my other half about this and why he didn't pick up on my 'signals' and he honestly hadn't even noticed them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,811 Posts
Subtle + Man = Fail

Try a more direct approach - instead of just walking by, literally crawl up and straddle him. Better yet, kneel and initiate oral sex.
I had a whole conversation with my other half about this and why he didn't pick up on my 'signals' and he honestly hadn't even noticed them.
How I wish...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,633 Posts
Husband got home from work we had a nice dinner. The whole time we were sitting there eating he was watching tv and all I could think about was start the conversation. You know what to say, you know how you feel.

I put it aside and started cleaning up from dinner. Everything was fine he was normal. I think he could tell something was bothering me due to my mental distance. Didn't ask me if I was ok. I guess I am use to that though so it didn't bother to much.

After i was finished cleaning up after supper I was trying to think of a way I could start the conversation or initiate sex. So I told him I was going to shower. I made sure I left a few things in the other bathroom so I had to walk past him to grab them. I made sure i wore his favorite underwear and bra. I went to the bathroom undressed and called his name just to make sure i had his attention. I walk out of the room and said never mind and proceeded to walk to the bathroom to get it myself.

He took one look at me and I smiled and gave him the whole come get me eyes, his eyes went back to the tv. I was so aggravated after that. I went showered and dressed and went to lay down and read my book.

An hour later he came to bed. What I don't understand is he got into bed got comfortable and then asked me why i was so far away on the bed. Told me to move over closer to him so he can feel my skin. I was like It might work! So i took my shirt off snuggled into his skin and started to slowly move my hand down his back gave him a half massage half tickle with my nails. I moved my hand close to area and I felt the rejection setting in so I stopped. Minutes later he was sleeping.

I laid there a good couple hours thinking about what is wrong with me. What is wrong with him. What can i do next time.. All sorts of things. I just don't understand.

I Just want to make sweet/rough love to my husband! DAMNIT!!:confused:
Oh how I wish my wife would do that
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
813 Posts
Subtle + Man = Fail

Try a more direct approach - instead of just walking by, literally crawl up and straddle him. Better yet, kneel and initiate oral sex.

I had a whole conversation with my other half about this and why he didn't pick up on my 'signals' and he honestly hadn't even noticed them.
Lol, THAT will work. Even if he wasn't missing the signals. Again, at least from my perspective, if he's not missing the signals (and he could be), maybe he just needs some more prompting (touching and / or explicit suggestive comments) to get his motor running. Believe it or not, us guys, especially as we age, cannot be up at "attention" and ready or even interested in going there at a moments notice with just the mere mention or hint of it.

If all else fails, do as above. Straddle him, grind on him, go down on him, etc. INITIATE, and not just with comments or sexy clothes. Get in his face and touch him! That is almost a sure fire guarantee to work every time.
 
1 - 20 of 27 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top