[cali_chick]

My husband and I are thinking there is nothing left to do, but I found this site and hope that you wonderful people can shed some light on the matter.

I busted my sister-in-law in an EA (not sure if it's gone physical). This is the sister of my husband.
My SIL is late 20's, has been married to BIL for 5 years, and have two small children (ages 4 and 2).

I'll try and break it down by timeline.

3 weeks ago:

I noticed that SIL was getting more texts than usual.
Although none of her other contacts has a ring tone or text tone,
she had assigned a very loud one for one person in particular. Each
time the phone went off, she would not hesitate to go get,
regardless of what she was doing.

2.5 weeks ago:

SIL's phone was rec'g text msg's and I was closest to the phone. I
grabbed it to walk it over to her, and while I was holding it,
it kept going off. 1 text. 2 texts. 3 texts. 4 texts. 5 texts.
All from a contact we'll call John.

2 weeks ago

It's established that John and SIL/BIL are all best friends and
have known each other since they were 10 years old. BIL
seems to have no problem with John texting SIL repeatedly.
He makes a comment that they all go "way, way, way back."

8 days ago

SIL updated her facebook status. John commented on it, and
I followed. The thread resulted in over 70 comments and him
referencing his ex-wife. John seemed to be funny, and a made
me crack up...something a single girlfriend of mine is looking
for in a man. I clicked on John's FB, PM'd him a pic of my
friend, and said "what do you think?" He said "she's beautiful!"
Within a minute or so, he's giving me his cell phone to give
to her. I do not tell my SIL this at that time, because it's late and
I figure I'll just tell her sometime the next day.

Next day, 7 days ago

At 6:30am I receive a text msg from SIL. She has never txt
msg'd me this early. She asks me a mundane question that
she already knows the answer to, but I answer it again to be
polite. One minute later, she asks "what's up with my friend
and that chick?" and it catches me off guard. She follows up
with 5 or 6 questions, all referencing my friend, "that chick."

6 days ago

John and my friend begin texting. SIL tells me I'm going to
have to give her the gossip in regards to them because John
won't give her any. I ask why. She says she doesn't know.
We make conversation and she seems over protective of
John. I ask her point blank if she's having an emotional affair
with this man and she denies it. She advises me they have
a long history together, yes they are flirty, but her
husband/BIL knows all about it and he's fine and isn't jealous.

5 days ago

John and my friend are still texting.
SIL updates her FB status with "sometimes you wanna grab
someone by the shoulders and yell at them, but you just
put it on a facebook status instead."

A couple hours later at 11pm, she updates her status with
"it's funny how you work so hard to get something back, but
in the blink of an eye it's gone."

I was already expecting a call from her, and when she does
return my call, she sounds upset. It's now midnight and it
sounds like she's in the car. I ask her where she's going.
She says she's going to the store to pick up milk for her
2 year old. She tells me, after my prodding, that yes her
husband knows she left and yes she leaves this late to
pick up milk often. She tells me
she bought the milk while on the phone with me, but
nothing I hear even remotely sounds like her getting out of a
car, going into a store, paying, etc. I assume that she's fighting
with her husband/my BIL, and after asking a few times what he
did wrong, she replies "we're fine." It takes a few seconds for
me to realize who she's arguing with.
She tells me that her and John are fighting. She refuses to
tell me about what. When I accuse her of an EA, she says
they fight, and they have for years. It's what they do.
She also advises me that she unfriended him on FB, but
she's probably just being dramatic. She tells me not to worry about
it, and this is just how it works in their 17 year long friendship.


2nd part following...

 

[costa200]

. BIL
seems to have no problem with John texting SIL repeatedly.
He makes a comment that they all go "way, way, way back."

She advises me they have
a long history together, yes they are flirty, but her
husband/BIL knows all about it and he's fine and isn't jealous.

BIL is naive and doesn't have a clue on how men/women relationships work. He and his kids may pay dearly for his "trust".

 

[Sara8]

My husband and I are thinking there is nothing left to do, but I found this site and hope that you wonderful people can shed some light on the matter.

I busted my sister-in-law in an EA (not sure if it's gone physical). This is the sister of my husband.
My SIL is late 20's, has been married to BIL for 5 years, and have two small children (ages 4 and 2).

I'll try and break it down by timeline.

3 weeks ago:

I noticed that SIL was getting more texts than usual.
Although none of her other contacts has a ring tone or text tone,
she had assigned a very loud one for one person in particular. Each
time the phone went off, she would not hesitate to go get,
regardless of what she was doing.

2.5 weeks ago:

SIL's phone was rec'g text msg's and I was closest to the phone. I
grabbed it to walk it over to her, and while I was holding it,
it kept going off. 1 text. 2 texts. 3 texts. 4 texts. 5 texts.
All from a contact we'll call John.

2 weeks ago

It's established that John and SIL/BIL are all best friends and
have known each other since they were 10 years old. BIL
seems to have no problem with John texting SIL repeatedly.
He makes a comment that they all go "way, way, way back."

8 days ago

SIL updated her facebook status. John commented on it, and
I followed. The thread resulted in over 70 comments and him
referencing his ex-wife. John seemed to be funny, and a made
me crack up...something a single girlfriend of mine is looking
for in a man. I clicked on John's FB, PM'd him a pic of my
friend, and said "what do you think?" He said "she's beautiful!"
Within a minute or so, he's giving me his cell phone to give
to her. I do not tell my SIL this at that time, because it's late and
I figure I'll just tell her sometime the next day.

Next day, 7 days ago

At 6:30am I receive a text msg from SIL. She has never txt
msg'd me this early. She asks me a mundane question that
she already knows the answer to, but I answer it again to be
polite. One minute later, she asks "what's up with my friend
and that chick?" and it catches me off guard. She follows up
with 5 or 6 questions, all referencing my friend, "that chick."

6 days ago

John and my friend begin texting. SIL tells me I'm going to
have to give her the gossip in regards to them because John
won't give her any. I ask why. She says she doesn't know.
We make conversation and she seems over protective of
John. I ask her point blank if she's having an emotional affair
with this man and she denies it. She advises me they have
a long history together, yes they are flirty, but her
husband/BIL knows all about it and he's fine and isn't jealous.

5 days ago

John and my friend are still texting.
SIL updates her FB status with "sometimes you wanna grab
someone by the shoulders and yell at them, but you just
put it on a facebook status instead."

A couple hours later at 11pm, she updates her status with
"it's funny how you work so hard to get something back, but
in the blink of an eye it's gone."

I was already expecting a call from her, and when she does
return my call, she sounds upset. It's now midnight and it
sounds like she's in the car. I ask her where she's going.
She says she's going to the store to pick up milk for her
2 year old. She tells me, after my prodding, that yes her
husband knows she left and yes she leaves this late to
pick up milk often. She tells me
she bought the milk while on the phone with me, but
nothing I hear even remotely sounds like her getting out of a
car, going into a store, paying, etc. I assume that she's fighting
with her husband/my BIL, and after asking a few times what he
did wrong, she replies "we're fine." It takes a few seconds for
me to realize who she's arguing with.
She tells me that her and John are fighting. She refuses to
tell me about what. When I accuse her of an EA, she says
they fight, and they have for years. It's what they do.
She also advises me that she unfriended him on FB, but
she's probably just being dramatic. She tells me not to worry about
it, and this is just how it works in their 17 year long friendship.


2nd part following...

This sounds like your SIL is too attached to this guy, but he is not attached to her.

Sounds, like SHE wants and affair and is now jealous of his new relationship.

It's also a possibility SIL lied to john and instigated what she promised to be only a SEXUAL relationship, but in reality, like most cheating wives, she was hoping to trade out her spouse.

Edited to add:

There is absolutely no reason why a married women needs to have a close male friend. That's what gal friends are for.

Your Bro' is naive.

 

[The Cro-Magnon]

Expose. FFS would one person in history do the decent thing by all aggrieved parties and expose.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Forsaken]

The most you can do at this point in time is bring up how you feel the situation looks from your perspective BIL and let him decide on what he wants to do. Point out everything that looks out of place.

Worst thing to do is confront SIL with it any further as she will most likely hide it all and go underground which will make it harder to gather evidence later. You may have already pushed her enough that she will start going underground.

I suppose you can try and get your friend to question John and say that your SIL is acting weird about their new relationship. He may feel as if he can confide in her, probably to early in the relationship though.

 

[cali_chick]

Sorry, I fell asleep last night with the lap top right next to me, so I'm gonna write the second part...

 

[underwater2010]

I would bring it to the attention of your BIL how uncomfortable the relationship is starting to make you. Tell him that he might want to dig a little into their friendship.

 

[tom67]

You and your husband need to talk to bil and let him no this is not normal for a married woman. What he does after that is up to him, I hope he steps it up for his sake.

 

[cali_chick]

Continued...

4 days ago:

In the morning, I have another heart to heart with my SIL. I try another tactic to have her open up to me. She says I'm just being a conspiracy theorist. She assures me that BIL knows everything and she hides nothing. After asking her, she says she's not threatened by my friend and her relationship with John, she's just over protective.
I think at this point, I'm still stuck not wanting to believe it, but knowing I can't ignore the signs.

About a hour later, my friend advises me that while she's still texting with John, it's hard because they are running out of things to discuss and it is a lil' awkward.
I decide to open up a FB chat with John, my friend, and myself. I open up the convo and we chat for a bit. I then add my BIL to the mix, since he's suppose to be one of John's BFF's.

We proceed to add to the convo whenever we can during our working hours, but in the evening, it picks up and everyone is adding to the chat. The FB'g goes on to 2:30 in the morning and during most of the night, we r in tears because it's so hilarious. Around 9pm, we're so comfortable with each other that we are already discussing what movie to go see and what restaurant to go to after for drinks. Everyone is in, with the exception that my BIL who won't confirm that he can go, because I need to talk to my SIL first.
I text her asking if she's down with going to the movies with all 6 of us (John/my friend, my husband and I, her and her husband) so we can make John and my friend feel comfortable. She replies "na, na thank you." I just reply "wow."
I'm angry. She's digging a grave for herself and wearing her heart on her sleeve for this guy.

3 days ago:

The FB chat continues with all of us. I have to call and ask my BIL for a favor, but while doing so, I ask if my SIL told him she didn't want to go with all of us to the movies. He says that does know and that SIL told him that she was okay with the 4 of them going, but when my husband and I got in the mix, that she would be worried about how he/her brother would take it. I asked BIL what he meant by that. He said "yeah, she thinks that you won't like the way we all joke around with John. We go way back and things can get out of hand."

I'm stuck holding the bag, and although I want to go on the FB chat and say that plans fell through because SIL doesn't wanna go, I know I should wait until I can tell my husband and explain what happened.

In the early afternoon, SIL texts me and I end up calling her because I hate writing consecutive long texts when we can just talk on the phone. She confirms what BIL said about being afraid my husband might not approve of how they joke around. However, rather than saying that her bro/my husband won't like how they all joke around, she says "I don't think my brother would like how John and I joke around.
He might jump over the table and try and kill John if he sees how we joke and see John tickling me or something." And then when she says that, it dawns on me how high school this all is.
She adds that my husband might even get mad at BIL, because he's allowing it to happen, but she says they've been this way for 17 years. It's not a big deal.
She makes it sound like she feels left out and maybe even a little bitter, because she wasn't included in the chat. She says that's the only thing going on and she didn't want to go to the movies, because when she first meets someone new, she can act *****y. I decide to add her to the chat.

2 days ago:

The FB chat is now different. Although I have to admit, the previous day that John behaved differently (he wouldn't comment on a picture that I posted of my friend on a group chat, he would only send me private messages about her. Later it was revealed that SIL was spying on the chat even before she was invited. Duh, right!). It's not as fun. SIL is touchy and doesn't joke around about much. The only thing she jokes around about is John. At one point, she disappears for a while and when she comes back, it's like everyone in the chat is nonexistant. It's just her and John going back and forth. My friend calls and tells me it's awkward.

1 day ago:

We go over to SIL and BIL's for dinner. SIL starts talking about the FB chat and how funny it is. She references "what's her face." Oh! She's talking about my friend. Apparently my friends name, throughout the evening, is "what's her face."

BIL/SIL are starting to push other men on me to set up with my friend. I forgot to add that earlier in the chat, it was discovered that my friend is older than John, and this kinda scared my friend off a bit and she told him she just wanted to start off as friends, without it being labeled a real date.

I told BIL/SIL that not write them off just yet, because John and my friend are still texting on the side. My SIL makes a face. She's not happy. My BIL asks what I mean and then says "ohhh, they are talking on the side? Away from the FB chat?"
He didn't know either. She's not happy.

We leave their house around 10pm. Chatting has been continuing though between all of us.

Around 11:30pm the same night, FINALLY everyone agrees to a movie. 11:45pm my friend says she's "talking to John right now. Will find out what date is good for him."

Around midnight SIL replies. (She's had her LOCATION feature activated on FB this entire time, and she's at home during this post).

12:15 SIL replies.

12:51 SIL replies, but now from a city 20 minutes away.

I comment on the FB post and joke around, thinking that because both of our iPhones have been freezing lately, it may attribute to an error. I look at the EXACT location and it shows her up on a lookout spot (mountain area) overlooking the entire valley.

Since it shows her in just a crazy spot, up in the mountains, I jokingly call her out on this.

Around 2am, I get up because it never really leaves my mind. Let's be honest, the facebook location feature has never screwed up for me. It's always put me exactly where I'm at.

I investigate.

At 12:51 she's up in the mountain. At 12:15, it shows her in our city that we both live in, but not at her house. I go back to the midnight post, and she is at her house. I look up the address she posted from at 12:15 and write it down.

I do a lil' investigating. I find that one of the addresses listed for John, is the address she's at. I'm still refusing to believe it. Maybe it's an error. What if I'm wrong?

I go to John's facebook and see where he's been posting from. If he's checked into where he lives. Trying to narrow it down.
I'm literally at the last post I can see, made from June of this year where his status reads "here at my home away from home. I love this place. I come here to clear my head." And where is he? Up at the lookout spot up in the mountain.

To be continued...

 

[norajane]

Since her husband is aware of what she's doing, I think you are a bit too in the middle of all this. I'd step back at this point.

 

[cali_chick]

Continued...

There is no doubt about it, but I still question whether BIL let her go out. Yes, he's that naive about her relationship with John and has been making excuses with her the entire time.

Really though, I'm wondering if my friends post that she was talking to John at that very moment, coupled with the fact that she didn't know they were texting on the side, pushed my SIL over the edge.

I'm up all night. I don't get a wink of sleep. When my husband wakes up at 4:30am, I spill all the details to him. He doesn't know what to do and it's wayyyyy to early in the morning for him to think clearly.

At 4am, I text John "are you with her up on the lookout spot" and he doesn't reply. I know he's up, I can tell he's looking at the FB chat.

At 6am he replies "why would I be there? I was zzzzz, dreaming about your friend." What a line, this guy!!

At 6:30am my husband calls and while talking to him, my phone alerts are going off. One after another, after another. It's the FB chat. John is on first, just writing posts about how he's awake and everyone is asleep and for everyone to wake up. But the posts are all separated. 6 of them go off at once, but he's sending them one at a time.

Two minutes later, my SIL gets on and does the same thing. My phone alerts are going crazy.

When I hang up the phone, I can finally see what they're doing. They're burying her post from the previous night and when I jokingly call her out on it. They are making it so my BIL has to scroll up to see the previous conversation, something I know he won't do.

Also, they've never added to the chat so early in the morning. Usually, I post first in the day. Actually, I always have. I'll post like "I trust everyone is having a good afternoon?" and then they'll follow up.

Now they're just talking to each other, but not saying much. Just burying the damning post.

It looks like this, taken from what I wrote when I saw she was in another city:

2 am Me: Why is *** in another city? WTH?
2 am Me: SIL, what are you doing up on the mountain? Is John there with you? lol
6am John: Me?
6:01am John: She wasn't with me.
John: zzzzz
John: Good morning.
John: Wake up
John: wake up
John: wake up
John: boring
John: nobody here
John: im all alone on here

and so it goes.

I have John's number, from when he gave it to me to give to my friend, and I call him around 7am. I decide to go with the aspect of "what do I do? You guys busted yourselves and now if her husband logs into the chat, he's gonna see it" to save the hassle of arguing whether he was with her or not.

It goes like this:

Me: John?
Him: Hey.
Me: I'm gonna get to the point, does BIL know about you guys being out last night?
Him: What?
Me: I'm not even going to argue about this. It's not up for debate. Does he know or is she gonna tell him?
Him: I wasn't with her.
Me: C'mon John. I can tell you exactly where she was at and when. Lets not go there.
Him: Na for reals, she wasn't with me.
Me: John, if I can see, so can her husband. I don't know whether to end the chat or what. He's gonna see it just like I did.
Him: Pause.
Him: Na, she was with my family probably.
Me: I don't like being lied to and her husband could be looking at this right now. Let's cut the bullsh-t. I'm not trying to out you guys. You're doing it yourselves.
Him: Pause. How is she doing that?
Me: Doing what?
Him: That you can see her?
Me: Her facebook location?
Him: Yeah.
Me: She has it on (I don't want to say much more than that).
Him: But how is she doing that?
Me: John, what happened?
Him: Na, it must be wrong. Her phone was messed up probably.
Me: We aren't talking about a crappy GPS here. We're talking about an iphone, that if I log in the chat right now and turn my location on, it will show you exactly where I'm standing, down to the side of the street I'm on.
Him: Pause. Na, na.

I'm pissed and hang up.
5 minutes later he text msg'd "she was at my home."
I called him back but he didn't answer.

20 minutes after that text, John logs into the chat and starts talking to himself.

He writes:

Hi.
Hello.
It's not working.
Now it did.

From my laptop, I can't see what he's doing. Why he's talking to himself, but from my phone, it's easy to see. He's messing around with the location feature to see how she's giving herself away. On the last post when he says "now it did", his location goes from being off, to on, and being able to see exactly where he's at.

I call my husband and we really don't know what to do. I ask my friend to leave the chat, because I don't want her in this drama. I add my husband to the chat, then have him leave, simply for the sake of knowing if I were to leave the chat, if I'll still be able to see it after. I can.

I leave the chat as well and unfriend John. A couple hours later, everyone has left the chat including BIL. I'm not sure if he left the chat himself or if SIL logged into this account and did it for him.

 

[Entropy3000]

BIL is naive and doesn't have a clue on how men/women relationships work. He and his kids may pay dearly for his "trust".

Indeed.

She advises me they have
a long history together, yes they are flirty, but her
husband/BIL knows all about it and he's fine and isn't jealous.

Which is all well and good but does not address the EA question at all. Her husband being ok with it is very important as to the "level" of unfaithfulness but I agree he is just naive.

 

[Entropy3000]

Continued...

4 days ago:

In the morning, I have another heart to heart with my SIL. I try another tactic to have her open up to me. She says I'm just being a conspiracy theorist. She assures me that BIL knows everything and she hides nothing. After asking her, she says she's not threatened by my friend and her relationship with John, she's just over protective.
I think at this point, I'm still stuck not wanting to believe it, but knowing I can't ignore the signs.

About a hour later, my friend advises me that while she's still texting with John, it's hard because they are running out of things to discuss and it is a lil' awkward.
I decide to open up a FB chat with John, my friend, and myself. I open up the convo and we chat for a bit. I then add my BIL to the mix, since he's suppose to be one of John's BFF's.

We proceed to add to the convo whenever we can during our working hours, but in the evening, it picks up and everyone is adding to the chat. The FB'g goes on to 2:30 in the morning and during most of the night, we r in tears because it's so hilarious. Around 9pm, we're so comfortable with each other that we are already discussing what movie to go see and what restaurant to go to after for drinks. Everyone is in, with the exception that my BIL who won't confirm that he can go, because I need to talk to my SIL first.
I text her asking if she's down with going to the movies with all 6 of us (John/my friend, my husband and I, her and her husband) so we can make John and my friend feel comfortable. She replies "na, na thank you." I just reply "wow."
I'm angry. She's digging a grave for herself and wearing her heart on her sleeve for this guy.

3 days ago:

The FB chat continues with all of us. I have to call and ask my BIL for a favor, but while doing so, I ask if my SIL told him she didn't want to go with all of us to the movies. He says that does know and that SIL told him that she was okay with the 4 of them going, but when my husband and I got in the mix, that she would be worried about how he/her brother would take it. I asked BIL what he meant by that. He said "yeah, she thinks that you won't like the way we all joke around with John. We go way back and things can get out of hand."

I'm stuck holding the bag, and although I want to go on the FB chat and say that plans fell through because SIL doesn't wanna go, I know I should wait until I can tell my husband and explain what happened.

In the early afternoon, SIL texts me and I end up calling her because I hate writing consecutive long texts when we can just talk on the phone. She confirms what BIL said about being afraid my husband might not approve of how they joke around. However, rather than saying that her bro/my husband won't like how they all joke around, she says "I don't think my brother would like how John and I joke around.
He might jump over the table and try and kill John if he sees how we joke and see John tickling me or something." And then when she says that, it dawns on me how high school this all is.
She adds that my husband might even get mad at BIL, because he's allowing it to happen, but she says they've been this way for 17 years. It's not a big deal.
She makes it sound like she feels left out and maybe even a little bitter, because she wasn't included in the chat. She says that's the only thing going on and she didn't want to go to the movies, because when she first meets someone new, she can act *****y. I decide to add her to the chat.

2 days ago:

The FB chat is now different. Although I have to admit, the previous day that John behaved differently (he wouldn't comment on a picture that I posted of my friend on a group chat, he would only send me private messages about her. Later it was revealed that SIL was spying on the chat even before she was invited. Duh, right!). It's not as fun. SIL is touchy and doesn't joke around about much. The only thing she jokes around about is John. At one point, she disappears for a while and when she comes back, it's like everyone in the chat is nonexistant. It's just her and John going back and forth. My friend calls and tells me it's awkward.

1 day ago:

We go over to SIL and BIL's for dinner. SIL starts talking about the FB chat and how funny it is. She references "what's her face." Oh! She's talking about my friend. Apparently my friends name, throughout the evening, is "what's her face."

BIL/SIL are starting to push other men on me to set up with my friend. I forgot to add that earlier in the chat, it was discovered that my friend is older than John, and this kinda scared my friend off a bit and she told him she just wanted to start off as friends, without it being labeled a real date.

I told BIL/SIL that not write them off just yet, because John and my friend are still texting on the side. My SIL makes a face. She's not happy. My BIL asks what I mean and then says "ohhh, they are talking on the side? Away from the FB chat?"
He didn't know either. She's not happy.

We leave their house around 10pm. Chatting has been continuing though between all of us.

Around 11:30pm the same night, FINALLY everyone agrees to a movie. 11:45pm my friend says she's "talking to John right now. Will find out what date is good for him."

Around midnight SIL replies. (She's had her LOCATION feature activated on FB this entire time, and she's at home during this post).

12:15 SIL replies.

12:51 SIL replies, but now from a city 20 minutes away.

I comment on the FB post and joke around, thinking that because both of our iPhones have been freezing lately, it may attribute to an error. I look at the EXACT location and it shows her up on a lookout spot (mountain area) overlooking the entire valley.

Since it shows her in just a crazy spot, up in the mountains, I jokingly call her out on this.

Around 2am, I get up because it never really leaves my mind. Let's be honest, the facebook location feature has never screwed up for me. It's always put me exactly where I'm at.

I investigate.

At 12:51 she's up in the mountain. At 12:15, it shows her in our city that we both live in, but not at her house. I go back to the midnight post, and she is at her house. I look up the address she posted from at 12:15 and write it down.

I do a lil' investigating. I find that one of the addresses listed for John, is the address she's at. I'm still refusing to believe it. Maybe it's an error. What if I'm wrong?

I go to John's facebook and see where he's been posting from. If he's checked into where he lives. Trying to narrow it down.
I'm literally at the last post I can see, made from June of this year where his status reads "here at my home away from home. I love this place. I come here to clear my head." And where is he? Up at the lookout spot up in the mountain.

To be continued...

We shall see where this goes. I do agree there is something not right here, but indeed I am seeing your role in all of this match making albeit with plausible reasoning as being obsessive in itself. There seems to be a huge amount of FBing and bonding going amongst a number of folks. Maybe this is common these days but you seem very very involved here.

 

[norajane]

We shall see where this goes. I do agree there is something not right here, but indeed I am seeing your role in all of this match making albeit with plausible reasoning as being obsessive in itself. There seems to be a hugge amount of FBing and binding going amongst a number of folks. Maybe this is common these days but you seem very very involved here.

OVERLY involved. WAY OVERLY involved.

 

[cali_chick]

We shall see where this goes. I do agree there is something not right here, but indeed I am seeing your role in all of this match making albeit with plausible reasoning as being obsessive in itself. There seems to be a hugge amount of FBing and binding going amongst a number of folks. Maybe this is common these days but you seem very very involved here.

I updated with one more post as to what happened after.

I left the chat, had my friend leave the chat, and unfriended John.

 

[Entropy3000]

Continued...

...

12:15 SIL replies.

12:51 SIL replies, but now from a city 20 minutes away.

I comment on the FB post and joke around, thinking that because both of our iPhones have been freezing lately, it may attribute to an error. I look at the EXACT location and it shows her up on a lookout spot (mountain area) overlooking the entire valley.

Since it shows her in just a crazy spot, up in the mountains, I jokingly call her out on this.

Around 2am, I get up because it never really leaves my mind. Let's be honest, the facebook location feature has never screwed up for me. It's always put me exactly where I'm at.

I investigate.

At 12:51 she's up in the mountain. At 12:15, it shows her in our city that we both live in, but not at her house. I go back to the midnight post, and she is at her house. I look up the address she posted from at 12:15 and write it down.

I do a lil' investigating. I find that one of the addresses listed for John, is the address she's at. I'm still refusing to believe it. Maybe it's an error. What if I'm wrong?

I go to John's facebook and see where he's been posting from. If he's checked into where he lives. Trying to narrow it down.
I'm literally at the last post I can see, made from June of this year where his status reads "here at my home away from home. I love this place. I come here to clear my head." And where is he? Up at the lookout spot up in the mountain.

To be continued...

Wow. Ok so indeed you found what looks like a smoking .... ummm ... gun.

 

[cali_chick]

OVERLY involved. WAY OVERLY involved.

Updated with one more post.

Left the chat, had my friend leave the chat, and unfriended John.

 

[cali_chick]

So obviously, her husband didn't know she was out with him, let alone driving to where they went.
She left her two young kids at home to be with this guy.

Husband is disappointed and sad. I have a sick feeling in my stomach.
We're really close with them. SIL is one of my best friends. Well, was. I didn't intend on that in the beginning, I've seen close SIL friendships blow up.
I'm bummed as well. Is it normal to become disillusioned with marriage after watching something like this? She's one of those people that you'd think would never do this, let alone sneak out of the house and do what she did.

It's obvious when she was on the phone with me one night, she wasn't leaving to get milk. Just going to his house.

 

[cali_chick]

Thanks for your replies so far! I guess what we are all thinking has already been confirmed, to leave as is.

After discussing this with my mom, who is not one liking anyone being overly involved in any drama, she wasn't critical of me. I guess though, it's different since she knows the relationship we all have, including the close one I have with SIL.
My mom knew from the beginning and called out the EA from the get go. I thought it was more one sided, like my SIL was obsessed with the OM.
My mom disagreed and said that because she's married and has two young kids, to try and be an ear to her. To gently advise her against this, which is why I had 2 talks with her. To no avail.

 

[costa200]

However, rather than saying that her bro/my husband won't like how they all joke around, she says "I don't think my brother would like how John and I joke around.
He might jump over the table and try and kill John if he sees how we joke and see John tickling me or something."

Your husband is a guy. He knows what those playful "jokes" are about. That's the real issue. Just because her husband is either blind, superbly naive or is ok with being a cuckhold, it doesn't mean your husband won't see right through her bull****.

But what is this? Facebook being used to bust a cheater instead of helping the affair? It's the end of the world as we know it.