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My brother-in-law AJ is a quiet, reserved, introspective now-former Marine who had a lot going for him until he started dating the most renedcky girl I have ever encountered. He started talking to her a few months before his deployment ended. At the time she was 19, pregnant, and going through her first divorce that may not have even been legal.

By the time he had returned, they had started dating, and she later told me that not long after they had an abortion that she ultimately regretted because she didn't think she could handle two babies. She and I were relatively friendly, but it was clear to me early on that we were very different and we would never be best friends...I was raised...differently. She was a wild divorced teenage mom who smokes, drinks, chews tobacco, and parties and very rough.

Here is where my problems with her began…

-She set her sights on my now-husband after she saw how good he was with her baby, and how affectionate he was with me. She would literally oogle him in front of everyone, and
once she realized couldn’t brother swap because my husband loves me, not to mention is disgusted by her, she started resenting us. That resentment quickly turned into jealousy.
-She was a consummate wet blanket. On every happy occasion or moment my husband and I had, she was there to pout, cross her arms, glare, or whisper maliciously. The night before my husband took me to our favorite beach, we stayed the night with AJ and gf, and not only did they have a knock down drag out fight (a nearly daily occurrence for them), she flashed around the promise ring she had forced AJ to get her a month before when she found out that AJ and my husband had gone ring shopping for me (AJ had gone for opinions sake), and she pouted after we got back and refused to look at my ring.
-She brainwashed my teenage SIL (sister-in-law). My SIL at our first meeting loved me. She gushed about how she had never seen her brother this way over a girl, she was amazed at the change I had inspired in him, and thanked me because she had noticed an improvement in their relationship (they had never been close). When I moved in with them a month later, she soon became jealous because she was no longer the only girl in the house and I got along so well with her parents (i.e. “stole them away”). That jealousy quickly snowballed with Gf’s help. I didn’t realize this at first, thinking that she would be mature and help me since she was becoming close to SIL. Instead, she used that bond to turn her into a crazed psycho who ended up attacking me (that’s another story).
-She found a reason to get in my face with her hate. I knew she would as soon as the slightest opportunity arose, and she had been even more jealous and pouty than usual on that particular visit. Unfortunately for her, her blow-up blew up in her face. AJ supported us, and had little patience for her since they had already had two knock-down drag-outs on this visit. My in-laws were never fond of her, but the fact that they had one of their blow-ups in the hallway of my FIL’s couples’ retreat and Gf threatened to get AJ arrested for abuse and tried to runaway to her mommy leaving her baby behind (as always) colored them seriously against her, and they too had little patience for her Jerry Springer-like show. This is when my SIL attacked me. She and I had a real breakthrough right before Gf showed up, and my husband and I had even made her a bridesmaid. When Gf tried to verbally attack me behind my back, my husband overheard and let her have it, and told her to get the eff out of the house. After an all night blow-up with AJ, she did just that. Leaving this time with her baby when her mom came to get her. Before that SIL had tried to help her runaway without the baby, and had nearly run over AJ.

So in short, AJ was ready to break up with her, but during their fight she announced she was pregnant. While she was gone, they fought everyday as usual, and it came out that she was texting and calling another guy. He ended up going to see her and they temporarily patched things up. They’re now settled into a new apartment near AJ’s school, my husband and I eloped and they both made sure they were gone before we got back, and we moved last month to WV.

Before the move, my sister came to visit us, and I decided that while I honestly couldn’t take anymore drama right now (I was still healing from my own family issues), I was going to be friendly to Gf. She wouldn’t even acknowledge my presence, and she glared the whole time at my sister who she viewed as her new threat. When my sister went to sleep that night, she found out that the baby was sleeping in her bed, and she had been essentially kicked out by AJ and Gf. Gf went off about her waking up the baby, and even though she had been there a week before their impromptu visit, had to sleep on our bedroom floor for the remaining days of her visit. That was it for me.

Gf has made it clear that we’re no longer welcome around her child who loves us both even though she is a very unfit mother and we literally keep the kid alive on their visits, and I have no doubt that she is going to try to keep us from our little niece that will be born in a couple months. I have gently told my husband that he needs to accept that as long as she’s this immature, or in the picture, he’s going to have a strained relationship with AJ (they have always been tight). He understood this. He has been so great, and supportive, through this whole thing. Well, he missed his brother, and even though they text now regularly and call occasionally, it’s setting in what I told him and I know he hopes that she can find a way to play nice.

The thing is, AJ told me that she is alcoholic and untreated bipolar and that there is no reasoning with her. She honestly thinks we have wronged her someway, and so she will never apologize (which I wouldn’t care about if she loved her guy as much as I love mine, and because of that would be friendly with me). I love my husband, I would die for him, but after being a doormat for years for my family and an emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend, I refuse to take the blame. So how can I help save my husband’s relationship with his brother, and make nice with a mentally ill alcoholic?:confused:
 

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It's not your place to "save" the brothers relationship. They're grown men if they want to have a brother relationship they will.

Why would you want to make nice with this gf? I would stay away from her. You and husband enjoy your lives. Gf is brothers problem. He got in it, and he'll find a way out if he wants to.
 
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