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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all, I am new to this forum but I am hoping to find some good advice for my current situation.

I am married and have been with my husband for 13 years ( we have only been married 4). I spend a lot of time with my husband's family. Family is important to my husband but I have been feeling frustrated with certain people in the family. I don't feel that avoiding the family gatherings is the solution either. We often do things like meet up at Coco's on Sunday or spend dinner at a family members house.

My brother in-law has always been opinionated, especially about his views on politics. But lately ever since the pandemic started, it's been getting worse. Every time I see him, he finds a way to bring it his political views. I have already blocked him on social media because he would send me junk articles weekly, knowing it would be topics that will piss me off. I am growing very tired of it especially because he is not respectful even if I do engage in conversation about it. He doesn't seem to be interested in hearing my counter arguments. It's like he just wants to shove his views on everyone at any opportunity he gets and on any platform.

I am especially in a conundrum because many of the family members will often validate him and agree with his views (even if there is no credibility for it).
I do not have radically have different political views than my husband's family, but that doesn't mean I want to talk about politics every time I spend time with family. I am growing tired of talking about politics in general, but his family doesn't seem to think it's a problem.
I'm not really sure what to do to address this. I spoke with my mother in law and she basically dismissed my feelings and thinks I should not be so bothered by it.

Am I destined to years of just dealing with it? Or should I just try to make it known that I am not okay with it? I am just not sure what to do at this point.
 

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You said you talked with his family about it but I am more interested in your conversation with your husband.

He should be able to understand your predicament and support you in some solutions for healthier boundaries with his brother.

A lot of families don't talk politics during get togethers for this very reason.

Him being allowed to force the conversation in that direction all the time would be tiresome for most.
 

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Hi all, I am new to this forum but I am hoping to find some good advice for my current situation.

I am married and have been with my husband for 13 years ( we have only been married 4). I spend a lot of time with my husband's family. Family is important to my husband but I have been feeling frustrated with certain people in the family. I don't feel that avoiding the family gatherings is the solution either. We often do things like meet up at Coco's on Sunday or spend dinner at a family members house.

My brother in-law has always been opinionated, especially about his views on politics. But lately ever since the pandemic started, it's been getting worse. Every time I see him, he finds a way to bring it his political views. I have already blocked him on social media because he would send me junk articles weekly, knowing it would be topics that will piss me off. I am growing very tired of it especially because he is not respectful even if I do engage in conversation about it. He doesn't seem to be interested in hearing my counter arguments. It's like he just wants to shove his views on everyone at any opportunity he gets and on any platform.

I am especially in a conundrum because many of the family members will often validate him and agree with his views (even if there is no credibility for it).
I do not have radically have different political views than my husband's family, but that doesn't mean I want to talk about politics every time I spend time with family. I am growing tired of talking about politics in general, but his family doesn't seem to think it's a problem.
I'm not really sure what to do to address this. I spoke with my mother in law and she basically dismissed my feelings and thinks I should not be so bothered by it.

Am I destined to years of just dealing with it? Or should I just try to make it known that I am not okay with it? I am just not sure what to do at this point.
No, you're not locked into it. Many families responsibly and courteously state no politics in discussions if it's a problem.

If after a reminder, don't be afraid to ban him from the room.
 

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This
family members will often validate him and agree with his views (even if there is no credibility for it).
Does not match with this.
I do not have radically have different political views than my husband's family,
But to give you advice for your situation. You wrote your entire post with out actually stating any political issue. Just do that with him. He thinks that the US isn't doing enough to document Martian immigrants. You think that that issue isn't relative to todays gathering.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
This

Does not match with this.


But to give you advice for your situation. You wrote your entire post with out actually stating any political issue. Just do that with him. He thinks that the US isn't doing enough to document Martian immigrants. You think that that issue isn't relative to todays gathering.
It doesn't really matter what the political issue is. He just likes to be an instigator. We actually agree on some issues but we definitely disagree on other issues. Regardless, it's a fight I'm not going to win and I'm tired of someone trying to push my buttons all the time.
 

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It doesn't really matter what the political issue is. He just likes to be an instigator. We actually agree on some issues but we definitely disagree on other issues. Regardless, it's a fight I'm not going to win and I'm tired of someone trying to push my buttons all the time.
Thanks for the reply. So he is a pot stirrer, a troll, a lover of conflict. Well we know how to deal with them. We Don't feed trolls. As I learned young in life, if you don't enjoy the game, Don't play. Don't answer , don't engage, change the subject. Also are you sure you are being targeted? Or are you just defensive? I can't tell from here.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I'm not always the target of this, he definitely has done that to my husband, his cousins, anyone really. I am often targeted because I am more left leaning on some issues and most of the family is right leaning, so obviously I am the easier target.
 

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What is the temperature of the room?

Are you the odd duck out who doesn't enjoy these conversations, or is there a ton of eye-rolling whenever your BIL starts up, but no one wants to slap him back?

My MIL would not tolerate any kind of political discussion at her house. 10 people around the dinner table enjoying a discussion - if she did not like the topic of conversation, of didn't like the conversation getting a little heated, she would shut it down. It was controlling and more than just a little annoying.

If on the other hand he's disrupting everyone's life, then someone needs to speak up, and it should be the person who dislikes it most (you, apparently) backed up by your husband. You are by virtue of marriage part of the family, with equal standing.

If he is just picking on you, it's simple enough to not engage. When he starts in on you, just tell him you agree with everything he says and that you cannot think of anyone better suited to run the country exactly as he sees fit. Even if he is being a jerk, and even if no one is willing to do something about it, you can manage your internal reaction to it.
 

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Is it safe to say, you wouldn't have an issue with him always bringing up politics if he shared your political views? I'll admit, I couldn't sit and listen to someone spew leftist jargon because I can't stand the left. I. Am centerist btw and maybe a bit right of center on a lot of issues.
 

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Hi all, I am new to this forum but I am hoping to find some good advice for my current situation.

I am married and have been with my husband for 13 years ( we have only been married 4). I spend a lot of time with my husband's family. Family is important to my husband but I have been feeling frustrated with certain people in the family. I don't feel that avoiding the family gatherings is the solution either. We often do things like meet up at Coco's on Sunday or spend dinner at a family members house.

My brother in-law has always been opinionated, especially about his views on politics. But lately ever since the pandemic started, it's been getting worse. Every time I see him, he finds a way to bring it his political views. I have already blocked him on social media because he would send me junk articles weekly, knowing it would be topics that will piss me off. I am growing very tired of it especially because he is not respectful even if I do engage in conversation about it. He doesn't seem to be interested in hearing my counter arguments. It's like he just wants to shove his views on everyone at any opportunity he gets and on any platform.

I am especially in a conundrum because many of the family members will often validate him and agree with his views (even if there is no credibility for it).
I do not have radically have different political views than my husband's family, but that doesn't mean I want to talk about politics every time I spend time with family. I am growing tired of talking about politics in general, but his family doesn't seem to think it's a problem.
I'm not really sure what to do to address this. I spoke with my mother in law and she basically dismissed my feelings and thinks I should not be so bothered by it.

Am I destined to years of just dealing with it? Or should I just try to make it known that I am not okay with it? I am just not sure what to do at this point.
Your house, your rules.
End of story.

He doesn't have to be there if he cannot abide by your rules.
 

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If he is just picking on you, it's simple enough to not engage. When he starts in on you, just tell him you agree with everything he says and that you cannot think of anyone better suited to run the country exactly as he sees fit. Even if he is being a jerk, and even if no one is willing to do something about it, you can manage your internal reaction to it.
Exactly! Then before he can utter another word, change the subject to sports. Even if you hate sports, just toss out "How about those Rams (your team, of course)". Glance at the sports page before leaving the house.Even the most die-hard, know-it-all richard will feel compelled to talk about sports. Unless, he's a weenie.
 

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Your house, your rules.
End of story.

He doesn't have to be there if he cannot abide by your rules.
It's not her house, though. It's sounds like they are meeting at Coco's ( whatever that is?) or a family member's house. She's not entitled to "make the rules" in those cases, nor kick him out so, not end of story.
 

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It's not her house, though. It's sounds like they are meeting at Coco's ( whatever that is?) or a family member's house. She's not entitled to "make the rules" in those cases, nor kick him out so, not end of story.
Coco's house. Coco's rules.
If Coco allows discussions, it's allowed.

The best way to handle it otherwise is to engage yourself with other people and ignore offenders.
Another thing the @Padawan22 can do is just give an exaggerated, "Mmmmmm" to everything that is said and then claim to have heard a word if any feedback is expected.
 

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Coco's is a restaurant like Denny's. They're pretty much shut down in California.

I would take my own vehicle to any of these gatherings and if husband didn't want to leave, just get up and go. There is no need to allow them to hold you hostage to their boring convos.
 

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I have a BIL like this except that he is a leftist. He is particularly nasty on social media and loves to push his views at family gatherings. People who do this are just disrespectful and it should not be tolerated. I solve the issue by removing myself from it. I blocked him on social media and limit family gatherings with him. When a Christmas gathering at his house erupted in a political argument between him and my mother, I reminded them that it was Christmas and this is not how family should treat on another. When it started in my house during Thanksgiving, I let it be known that that conversation was not welcome and they should take it elsewhere. I don't tolerate disrespect.

You don't mention how your husband reacts to this situation. Does he support you? Does he jump on the bandwagon. He should be protecting you from this situation with his family. If he's not, then your problem is with him, not your BIL.
 

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We often do things like meet up at Coco's on Sunday or spend dinner at a family members house.
Ah I miss having a fine family meal at CoCo’s.

Am I destined to years of just dealing with it? Or should I just try to make it known that I am not okay with it? I am just not sure what to do at this point.
I would just explain what you wrote to your husband and if he doesn’t handle it then I’d try your BIL directly.

Maybe try, “May we please not talk politics at the dinner table this evening?”

My wife has a limited appetite for political shows (they make her angry). These days I read the room. If she has had a tough day or something bad happened then I won’t turn them on. That happened a few days this week.
 
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