Talk About Marriage banner

201 - 208 of 208 Posts

·
Vendor
Joined
·
472 Posts
Mismatched attraction levels are not sustainable in a relationship. One suddenly loses a ton of weight and is introduced to a whole new world of attention from the opposite sex, new friends, new social circle, etc. Suddenly old out-of-shape spouse isn't so attractive. Boundaries are broken down... marriage over. It's so common that many places warn people of the 85% statistic prior to surgery.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,135 Posts
My ex found out about this man a few weeks into the relationship. Kids too. We were separated. Legally, as per the law. And we didn't talk about seeing other people because I didn't think it's his problem.
And yes, my son knows I'm seeing someone and he stood up for me. He told his dad that what is doing is wrong. The verbal abuse was too much even for the kids to hear.
As I said, I made mistakes. I'm not perfect. Ultimately, this story is about me falling out of love due to some circumstances. Years ago. Nothing to do with a third party.
I stopped bringing up the verbal abuse, he will never admit he did something wrong. And I'm not gonna waste my life trying to make him understand. Yes, i was fat. Yes, he stayed with me... but he didn't have to. No one should be subjected to abuse in any circumstances. It was my choice to stay for so many years. And his failure to understand and work on the problem, was the end of us.
And as a side note, I waived all my rights for spousal support. I'm not after his money. We both are starting new lives, I'm not gonna chain him to me and make him pay for 20 years. I hope he will find someone that he spends his life with, happy, I don't want our relationship to be looming above his head for years.
He got most of the assets, new car, we just split the equity in the house.
And this guilt that people put on me... I can deal with that now. I don't need the approval of others to go on with my life. I took a decision and I stuck with it. That's it.
And I do come back here for updates, not to get a pat on the back, but maybe to help others that are struggling. I was on the edge for so long, and maybe a story of resilience and pain and hope will help them see their life in a different light.
As I said before - its great that you are moving on and are happy now and lets hope the same happens for your stbxh. You never said if the man you are now in love with, is the same Open Marriage Guy or somebody new.

And I must say that it is very mature of your son who knew you were in a sexual relationship with another married guy in an open marriage while still being married to your husband (abusive though he may well have been) to have taken up for you.

Also kudos to you for making a clean break and not having your stbxh tied to you in any way.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,688 Posts
I hope he finds his peace and happiness and leaves me alone.
I really don't want to hurt him, I care about him, I took him to emergency when he was sick, I cooked, did his laundry, cleaned, cared for him while separated but still living together. I want all the best for him and I think we can get to a place of harmony as coparents.

:smile2: You did good, no, you did great. You will be a fine catch for any new man. :smile2:

Carry on!

:grin2:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,135 Posts
You recently said you fell in love. I'll ask again is this the Open Marriage guy you had a "tryst" with or someone new ?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
635 Posts
Great update! Happy to hear that you are moving forward.
Mistakes are part of life.
That's how we learn and grow
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,135 Posts
@manfromlamancha, speaking as moderator, you are not entitled to a response. If she hasn't responded to you it's because she either has you on ignore or does not want to answer your question. Let it go.
That is fair enough although I cannot understand why a simple answer would not be forthcoming. I just thought that she had missed the question the first time round. I simply saw it as a necessary piece of information in order for TAM to give her the best advice rather than simply "you go girl" which is not helpful to her or her husband.

I will, as you say, let it go!
 
201 - 208 of 208 Posts
Top