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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
So me and my husband have been together almost 10 years, married for 8. I just recently found out of his cheating about 7 months ago. It was more than 1 girl more than 1 time. I'm the type that alway said I would never stay with someone once they cheated on me but I now stand corrected. Once something is gone for me it's gone for good. He broke my heart and instead of trying to redeem himself I feel like he does more to make me want to leave than to stay. Every time he messes up I can't help but think (he already cheated on me, why am I still here) when I say messes up I mean he drinks a lot, likes to drink and drive (car accidents), stays out all night calls me in the middle of the night to pick him up at some bar or in jail, he always tells me he's not gonna get drunk and it's to the point where the only thing I can trust about him is that he will get drunk and call me late at night. He's not physically abusive but mentally he is and I am honestly mentally exhausted and fed up, I can't even trust him to be home at a decent hour, I have no idea what he's doing besides drinking. Like whats the point of being with him when he does more to make me want to leave then to stay? When someone breaks your heart, I would assume they would try to put the pieces back together and not take it for granted and keep making things worse. I know he loves me but the Love I once had for him I'm afraid there's no ever getting it back..like 100% guaranteed EVER. I never fully gave him my heart back after that, and probably never will. I'm a loyal person and thought he was too but I don't think it's possible to ever Love him the way I once did? How can I trust someone like this? If I can't trust him with the small things like being home when he says he's going to be home, how can I trust that he will never cheat again? Don't get me wrong I have forgiven him but all the bad other sh*t he does just takes me back to his cheating. ..While I'm writing this he's calling for a ride WOW! What to do...HELP!!??:crying::frown2:
 

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He sounds totally un-remorseful and is a serial cheater to boot. If his cheating was physical, for me that is the ultimate deal breaker; I could never stay with someone who physically cheated on me. There would be no way I could reconcile maintaining my self respect and staying married to someone who could do that to me.

The fact that you wrote all the above and poured your heart out means you know in your heart you have to leave him, you just need to gather the strength to do so. Forgetting for a moment his other bad behaviors, the act of the physical cheating is the ultimate disrespect anyone can inflict on a spouse in a marriage. You need to get out from under that poison. When you take the other bad behaviors into account, leaving is a no brainer, assuming you can do so financially. Remember this: you deserve better.

Good luck to you.
 

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Don't pick him up from the bar anymore, you are enabling an alcoholic. He sounds like he wants to be single again. I would leave him. Once that trust is gone it's very difficult to get it back.
 

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You can't trust him because he isn't trustworthy. How are you going to feel if he gets in an accident and kills someone, a child maybe. Then again there is the issue of liability - you better make damn sure your auto insurance has the maximum amount of liability insurance you can get.

A cheater, a drunk and an emotional abuser. Good luck with that combo. This guy doesn't care about you - he only cares about himself. Why don't you start caring about yourself?
 

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I assume you don't have children, which makes this easy. Get a divorce. Then get some counseling to try to ensure you don't hook up with someone else like him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
We dont have any kids and I'm not even going to try while everything is up in the air. I refuse to bring kids into the mix with all these doubts. He puts me in positions where he drinks and he knows i wont let him drive home drunk in fear of him hurting himself or someone else. I hate being put in positions like that, like you're a grown ass man effin act like one and be responsible PERIOD!! Hes had a rough life ....prison, molestation, abuse etc and I cant say that I understand because ive never been through it but you can overcome anything if you really want to. Thats what I believe anyway but I guess in every situation everything is different. He said he cheated because we use to fight alot and we only fight when hes drunk, and I wouldnt have sex with him while he was drunk only because it was a major turn off and I hated it. I found out he cheated by a butt dial, he didnt deny it but told me it was only 1 person then a week later he admitted to it being more. Im in a state where I have no family here and cant afford to make it on my own otherwise I would leave. I have responsibilities that I cant walk away from but if I could find some cheap place to move to Im def not passing it up this time.
 

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So he's had affairs or one-night stands with more than one woman. Now he's having an affair with the bottle.

He's the drunk. Your his enabler. So let him drive drunk or call a cab. Unless you allow him to see the consequences of his actions, he's going to continue doing exactly what he does. After all, you stay around so he doesn't have to take responsibility.

Yes, he may kill himself or others while driving. His choice. His life. His consequences.

I guarantee you, if you stay on this ride you will end up going crazy. I lived it and I am forever thankful to longer be on that ride.

Your life. Your choice.
 

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Pack up that Samsonite luggage and get out.

You believe anyone can overcome any terrible past. I don't believe it, but more to the point there are multitudes of people who never do overcome it. Whether they just didn't try hard enough or it isn't possible, who knows. But they didn't overcome it.

So far your husband isn't even trying to overcome it. He might be saying he is trying, but there are no results are there? He's still drinking. He cheated with who knows how many other women.

You deserve better than this. Do what you have to to get out.
 

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Next time he drives drunk have him arrested, since you are married to him its your duty as a human being, because he WILL KILL SOMEONE ONE DAY. I HATE people who drive drunk, they are lowlifes. I don't believe a whole lot of people deserve to be in prison for life, but I fully believe that anyone who repeatedly drives drunk should be taken out of society. Flat out, your husband is a total loser and will only continue to drag you down. Leave and don't look back, you wont believe how incredibly happy you will be in your new life without him!
 

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I hate using psycho babble terms and hate when I have to.

You need to understand the terms co-dependence and caregiver personality. You appear to be casebook study. Truth you are worth a lot more then you think. It is you and only you stopping you from a symbiotic marriage as opposed to your parasitic marriage.

Done with psycho babble.
 
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I hate using psycho babble terms and hate when I have to.

You need to understand the terms co-dependence and caregiver personality. You appear to be casebook study. Truth you are worth a lot more then you think. It is you and only you stopping you from a symbiotic marriage as opposed to your parasitic marriage.

Done with psycho babble.
I was totally about to go there too John, well done for saying. Aside from the vast and numerous issues your husband has, I think this situation says a lot more about YOU than him. Yes he needs a LOT of therapy but I would say you do too.
What sort of responsibilities could you possibly have apart from kids (which you say you do not have) that would force you to remain living with him in this god awful situation?
ANYONE can get another job or relocate themselves closer to family with help of loved ones and or friends if they are determined enough. Start organizing yourself to get away somewhere SAFE and somewhere you can start working on your own issues away from his poison.
You are not doing yourself any favors by telling yourself you are stuck with him.
 

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Thank you Kaylie,

The reason I hate pyscho babble are articulate people like her husband are very good at using it as a weapon to continue harming others. Narcissistic people are great at this game.

SG you need to understand these concepts. Once you do you realize your biggest personal issue is establishing and maintaning boundaries.
 
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