Broken heart

TCM, You are showing the true sign of loss. The berevement factor. The mood down turn is both natural and expected in this situation as you feel you have lost everythig dear to you and there, at this point is not future except a future of stomach turning anxiety.

First off we need to turn this feeling into an anger, an anger to set yourself and your children up for the furture. This IS a future despite what your pain tells you. You muct seek advice from a legal professional and start the process of protecting you and your children. They will advice you on what you ned to do and what your H can and cannot do. Its a sad thing admittedly that you have had to go through this but your H is clearly more focused on other people that you else why hurt you and your children.
There are many groups like TAM out there that listen and offer advice, some have excellent services that help you handle the emotional feelings many of which you are desplaying in your posts. However, whilst TAM members are here and listen adding in advice it is really YOU that now needs to take the control. In recent times your H has been the control factor, he has hidden affirs and relationships from you and coming to terms with knowing he not only is disrespecting you and the vows you both took he is, and I have to say this clearly not showing a love for you and his family or by the seems of it for the other people he is involved with. He is refusing to break contact, remain faithful and that will only lead to more times like this and the longer you hang on to a hope he will come back and all the pain will disappear the longer it will take to rid yourself of that pain. He is the main reason for your anxiety and gut wrenching pain. If he were a body part causing that much pain youd seek a dr to cut that pain out quickly - Therefore act now and as soon as you speak to someone you WILL see some of that pain lift

Sorry to see you here. Like the rest of us, you haven't asked to be added to the list of betrayed spouses.

Listen, you have just been hit by a freight train and are probably in chok right now. Don't worry, it's normal, you trusted him and he chose to betray your trust. On top of that, he doesn't seem to regret doing it.

It may seem to you that your whole life is falling apart right now. You will see later that it is not.

First; you must look after yourself and your kids. Force yourself to eat healthy and get enough sleep. Second; you need to decide on an initial response to your husband. It doesn't sound like you want to have him back, nor does it sound like he is ready to come back to you. So I would suggest that you tell him to leave emmediatly. Pack his stuff and put it outside the door.

After this I think you need to work on yourself to gain some confidence and self esteem in order to get on with your life. Work out if you need to, do something good for yourself, clothes, make up, hair, meet new people.

That's it for now. Know that this has nothing to do with you, it's your husband who is broken. Unfortunately it had a bad impact on you. This is what you need to fix for yourself.

Tcm2 said:

I didn't say I wanted to be happy with him. I live him but I can't go through any of this again. It's too much for anyone to go through. I wants life back. Even if it is just me and the kids by ourselves. I want to get through this and stop crying. My heart has been broken into a million pieces and I have to pick them up. I won't ever trust a man again. Ever! Thanks to everyone for being so rude and unhelpful. I just needed someone to talk to and help me feel better. But people just don't want to do nothing but blame me. I didn't make him cheat. He had a major problem and I know that. I didn't want both of my kids without their dad. But I guess that's how it will be. No more unhelpful rude comments please. I am depressed enough.
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tcm, i am feeling for you. i am a bit beyond the 24/7 crying phase myself -- but just barely. i still cry a little every day, but not all day

i know for a fact that people on TAM don't mean to be rude -- they mean to help you -- but, of course, not all people and all marriages are helped by the same things said in the same ways at the same times.

i have had a health decline that began with my dday, too. i wish i could tell you that i have reversed that completely, but i haven't -- yet. i'm working on it

i don't need to tell you that you have been plunged into a deep well of pain, that everything seems upside down and unreal, and that you don't know who to trust (if anyone). even when you start to see the daylight, it will be painful! but if you haven't started to see it yet, you need to hang on for a little while longer and take care of yourself even if you have to force it (e.g., forcing yourself to eat). i know that, as a parent, being strong for your kids will help you be strong for yourself during this time.

if making hard-and-fast decisions right now feels right, do that. if it doesn't feel right, then take some time for yourself to get your bearings.

either way, soon you'll be looking more closely at how your WH is (or is not) participating in getting the marriage back on track. if he isn't doing enough, you will have an opportunity to address that and make some decisions.

today, show yourself and your children the caring that your WH is not showing. there's no one right way to get through this -- and none of us know better than you what's right for you. but please know people here do want to support your healing.

(((((hugging tcm))))))

Tcm,

(((((((Hugs))))))


Do you feel like a ship whose lost it's anchor? getting tossed around helpless in a vast ocean. We are here to help you through the storm.
I know you feel alone right now. Like you are the only person to ever experience this level of pain. You are not alone. I promise, you will get through this.

Coming here for help is a great first step. You cannot keep this bottled up. Vent here as often as you need. We are not here to attack you, we are here to help you.

I suggest you get some independent counseling. Someone who specializes in infidelity and crisis management.

You are in mourning and going through the grieving process. Its normal to feel this way considering the level of hurt and betrayal you've experienced.

Please understand your husband is addicted to a hormone called Dopamine. These affairs are feeding his dopamine addiction. His brain is in a "fog" from this chemical. I suggest you read up on Dopamine.

Your husband needs to identify the OW as his drug pusher. He is getting his fix of dopamine from her.


Take care of yourself.