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Hi!
My fiance and i broke up... Here comes the problem:
We are have been engaged for a year and before that dated too and even before dating we are have been friends for 3 years. He always wanted to have kids and to build a family, so we are talked about having kids together, building our own little family. He is even bought baby shoes too. We are went abroad for a two week long work trip. Something might have happened there, because after we are came back from there, a couple days passed and he said he doesn't want kids anymore, while in the same time he is melting over kids wherever and whenever he sees one or is with one... I do want to have kids, at least one if not more! I always seen myself as a mom with a baby at least if not more kids... But his sudden change of mind made us break up, saying "we are want different things". We are working together in a team to this day too after 3 month of the break up. Still both of us would want to be with each other, but he says he it would be selfish if he would ask me to be with him because i want kids and he doesn't... In our work team (all the team members are our friends too) two other guys are asked me out for a date...
The only what made my fiance and me break up was this reason, we didn't had problems, our feelings didn't fade away... Both of us know we are would be still together now too if not this having kids issue... So my question is... What should i do? Should we continue the relationship? Or not because he won't change his mind anyway? Any kind of advice or story if you went through similar can help, because for now i am just confused.
Thank you so much for everyone's time reading this and in case of commenting, giving advice! :)
 

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Hi!
My fiance and i broke up... Here comes the problem:
We are have been engaged for a year and before that dated too and even before dating we are have been friends for 3 years. He always wanted to have kids and to build a family, so we are talked about having kids together, building our own little family. He is even bought baby shoes too. We are went abroad for a two week long work trip. Something might have happened there, because after we are came back from there, a couple days passed and he said he doesn't want kids anymore, while in the same time he is melting over kids wherever and whenever he sees one or is with one... I do want to have kids, at least one if not more! I always seen myself as a mom with a baby at least if not more kids... But his sudden change of mind made us break up, saying "we are want different things". We are working together in a team to this day too after 3 month of the break up. Still both of us would want to be with each other, but he says he it would be selfish if he would ask me to be with him because i want kids and he doesn't... In our work team (all the team members are our friends too) two other guys are asked me out for a date...
The only what made my fiance and me break up was this reason, we didn't had problems, our feelings didn't fade away... Both of us know we are would be still together now too if not this having kids issue... So my question is... What should i do? Should we continue the relationship? Or not because he won't change his mind anyway? Any kind of advice or story if you went through similar can help, because for now i am just confused.
Thank you so much for everyone's time reading this and in case of commenting, giving advice! :)
Kids are a legitimate reason to break up. If I were you I would want to know what happened that he changed his mind since he is generally acting like he loves children. Did he give you any clue what happened that made him change his mind?

Could he have found out he has some physical problem that would pass down to the children through genes?

Has he been around babies and children lately and maybe realize they're not all fun all the time?

I would ask him what made him change his mind. Or is that all a lie and he was just trying to find a way to break up with you but that it's maybe not even really about kids?

It doesn't make any sense that he usually seems to really be drawn to them and then all of a sudden doesn't want them.

Is there any chance he met somebody else and maybe just decided he wanted to pursue that?

I mean kids could be a real deal breaker. For sure a difference of goals on that is reason enough to break up.
 

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Don't start dating his friends...Something obviously happened to change his mind. Your answer is there. Maybe he thinks as soon as you get married your going to get pregnant....Maybe you are pushing to hard for children straight off
 

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It sounds like he had not shared with you the reason he suddenly does not want children. Maybe the issue is that he never wanted children but told you that he did because he wanted to be with you. But now he felt that he could tell you his real feelings about having not want children. You might never know what is going on with him because he won't share that with you. It would be a very bad idea to get back in a relationship with a man who won't open up to you, especially about something as important as why he claims to suddenly not want children.

Also, don't go out with his friends or men at work. Find a way to meet men to date who are not associated with your ex in any way. If you were to go out with other men at work who your ex knows, it will cause a lot of problems at your job. Protect your job.
 

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I just had another thought on the topic... if there is any way for you to get a new job you would do well to do so. Get away from your ex so you can get over your feelings for him.
 

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Hi!
My fiance and i broke up... Here comes the problem:
We are have been engaged for a year and before that dated too and even before dating we are have been friends for 3 years. He always wanted to have kids and to build a family, so we are talked about having kids together, building our own little family. He is even bought baby shoes too. We are went abroad for a two week long work trip. Something might have happened there, because after we are came back from there, a couple days passed and he said he doesn't want kids anymore, while in the same time he is melting over kids wherever and whenever he sees one or is with one... I do want to have kids, at least one if not more! I always seen myself as a mom with a baby at least if not more kids... But his sudden change of mind made us break up, saying "we are want different things". We are working together in a team to this day too after 3 month of the break up. Still both of us would want to be with each other, but he says he it would be selfish if he would ask me to be with him because i want kids and he doesn't... In our work team (all the team members are our friends too) two other guys are asked me out for a date...
The only what made my fiance and me break up was this reason, we didn't had problems, our feelings didn't fade away... Both of us know we are would be still together now too if not this having kids issue... So my question is... What should i do? Should we continue the relationship? Or not because he won't change his mind anyway? Any kind of advice or story if you went through similar can help, because for now i am just confused.
Thank you so much for everyone's time reading this and in case of commenting, giving advice! :)
You shouldn't get back together. The options here are:

-The two of you are no longer compatible because he no longer wants children.
-He no longer wants to be with you and is using children as an excuse.
-He banged someone else on his trip and now feels guilty and wants to breakup, without hurting you so much.
-The above points are incorrect but he has ****ty communication and won't tell you what's really going on.

Accept that it is over. Don't date his friends. Don't date coworkers. Ideally, find a new job if you can.
 

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Hi!
My fiance and i broke up... Here comes the problem:
We are have been engaged for a year and before that dated too and even before dating we are have been friends for 3 years. He always wanted to have kids and to build a family, so we are talked about having kids together, building our own little family. He is even bought baby shoes too. We are went abroad for a two week long work trip. Something might have happened there, because after we are came back from there, a couple days passed and he said he doesn't want kids anymore, while in the same time he is melting over kids wherever and whenever he sees one or is with one... I do want to have kids, at least one if not more! I always seen myself as a mom with a baby at least if not more kids... But his sudden change of mind made us break up, saying "we are want different things". We are working together in a team to this day too after 3 month of the break up. Still both of us would want to be with each other, but he says he it would be selfish if he would ask me to be with him because i want kids and he doesn't... In our work team (all the team members are our friends too) two other guys are asked me out for a date...
The only what made my fiance and me break up was this reason, we didn't had problems, our feelings didn't fade away... Both of us know we are would be still together now too if not this having kids issue... So my question is... What should i do? Should we continue the relationship? Or not because he won't change his mind anyway? Any kind of advice or story if you went through similar can help, because for now i am just confused.
Thank you so much for everyone's time reading this and in case of commenting, giving advice! :)
It seems very odd that he would have such a sudden change of heart AND it would bring such a quick end to your relationship. It is important that you be on the same page with having kids, but this sudden change along with you describing him in a way that indicates he really was into having kids makes me wonder what else is going on. Was he with you the entire time you were on the work trip? Can you remember anything that happened on that trip that could have made him do such a fast 180 on having kids.

Also, I would not recommend dating one of your other work colleagues so quickly, or at all. Has your ex-fiancé started dating someone else yet?
 

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Be grateful he changed his mind about kids before you got married. My cousin married a girl and they talked about having kids while dating and after married. Then she changed her mind. It crushed him. They later divorced and he's in his early 50's, still wanting children, but knowing it probably won't happen. She led him on for 10 years.
 

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Hi!
My fiance and i broke up... Here comes the problem:
We are have been engaged for a year and before that dated too and even before dating we are have been friends for 3 years. He always wanted to have kids and to build a family, so we are talked about having kids together, building our own little family. He is even bought baby shoes too. We are went abroad for a two week long work trip. Something might have happened there, because after we are came back from there, a couple days passed and he said he doesn't want kids anymore, while in the same time he is melting over kids wherever and whenever he sees one or is with one... I do want to have kids, at least one if not more! I always seen myself as a mom with a baby at least if not more kids... But his sudden change of mind made us break up, saying "we are want different things". We are working together in a team to this day too after 3 month of the break up. Still both of us would want to be with each other, but he says he it would be selfish if he would ask me to be with him because i want kids and he doesn't... In our work team (all the team members are our friends too) two other guys are asked me out for a date...
The only what made my fiance and me break up was this reason, we didn't had problems, our feelings didn't fade away... Both of us know we are would be still together now too if not this having kids issue... So my question is... What should i do? Should we continue the relationship? Or not because he won't change his mind anyway? Any kind of advice or story if you went through similar can help, because for now i am just confused.
Thank you so much for everyone's time reading this and in case of commenting, giving advice! :)
Wow this sounds like a nightmare. Is this a work team? Very strange that both of the other guys are asking you out, don't they worry about the the awkwardness of all that?

Personally he sounds flaky and I would look at this like you dodged a bullet. Who knows what goes on in peoples minds, especially if they are closed off like this.

If you are determined to continue to pursue it then I would confront him and get to the bottom of what's going on in his head. Maybe cold feet, maybe something else, who knows. Don't date the guys on your team, that will just cause more problems.
 

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If you are determined to continue to pursue it then I would confront him and get to the bottom of what's going on in his head. Maybe cold feet, maybe something else, who knows. Don't date the guys on your team, that will just cause more problems.
Cold feet (meaning he decided that he did not want to marry her... did not want to have children with her in particular.) might just be an excuse he drummed up to end the relationship. That way he didn't end the relationship. He got her to end the relationship.
 

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Hi!
My fiance and i broke up... Here comes the problem:
We are have been engaged for a year and before that dated too and even before dating we are have been friends for 3 years. He always wanted to have kids and to build a family, so we are talked about having kids together, building our own little family. He is even bought baby shoes too. We are went abroad for a two week long work trip. Something might have happened there, because after we are came back from there, a couple days passed and he said he doesn't want kids anymore, while in the same time he is melting over kids wherever and whenever he sees one or is with one... I do want to have kids, at least one if not more! I always seen myself as a mom with a baby at least if not more kids... But his sudden change of mind made us break up, saying "we are want different things". We are working together in a team to this day too after 3 month of the break up. Still both of us would want to be with each other, but he says he it would be selfish if he would ask me to be with him because i want kids and he doesn't... In our work team (all the team members are our friends too) two other guys are asked me out for a date...
The only what made my fiance and me break up was this reason, we didn't had problems, our feelings didn't fade away... Both of us know we are would be still together now too if not this having kids issue... So my question is... What should i do? Should we continue the relationship? Or not because he won't change his mind anyway? Any kind of advice or story if you went through similar can help, because for now i am just confused.
Thank you so much for everyone's time reading this and in case of commenting, giving advice! :)
Listen. I hear some kind of hope in your voice.

YOU need to decide if you want children. If you do then you need to move on and stop looking wistfully at this 4 year relationship. If you don't then you two can see if you want to continue. BUT don't ever continue a relationship hoping your partner will change. Don't continue the relationship without having made the decision yourself that you don't want children. Don't give up children to be with him if you want children. It will lead to resentment and frustration.

Don't hang around either thinking it's a phase he's going through. You've wasted 4 years here. Men have the luxury of being able to father children into their 70's if they choose. Women can not. If each of your relationships were about 4 years long, you'd only be able to have about 4-5 relationship until you were getting old enough that pregnancies carry extra risk. There are a lot of relationships that don't work out for one reason or another. So 4 isn't a very big number.

In general if after 2 years of being with someone you aren't both ready to get married then the answer if simple. You two aren't really suited for each other you are just hanging around each other for fear of what the future looks like alone.

Move on. Or decide that you personally don't want/need children. It doesn't sound like that is you. It sounds like you look forward to children. So move on.
 

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Cold feet (meaning he decided that he did not want to marry her... did not want to have children with her in particular.) might just be an excuse he drummed up to end the relationship. That way he didn't end the relationship. He got her to end the relationship.
Yep, like I said in my mind she dodged a bullet.
 
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