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A relative recently asked me if I could recommend books on dealing with someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder/Borderline Personality Disorder. Does anyone here have any suggestion?
 

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The best book on the subject is a short one that consists of one word: RUN!

But of course, that's not always possible. Depending on your relative's relationship to the NPD person, I have several recommendations on my article on Narcissism that he/she may find helpful. Narcissism: Recognizing, Coping With, and Treating It

There's a big difference between NPD and BPD, though. It may be helpful to narrow down which diagnosis is most likely before she starts forking over money for books.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
The best book on the subject is a short one that consists of one word: RUN!

But of course, that's not always possible. Depending on your relative's relationship to the NPD person, I have several recommendations on my article on Narcissism that he/she may find helpful. Narcissism: Recognizing, Coping With, and Treating It

There's a big difference between NPD and BPD, though. It may be helpful to narrow down which diagnosis is most likely before she starts forking over money for books.
Its actually their son. At one point he started counseling but dropped it before an official diagnosis was given. The counselor felt he had a personality disorder and said there were aspects of both NPD and BPD but he didn't stay long enough for him to determine which one was more prevalent.
 

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A relative recently asked me if I could recommend books on dealing with someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder/Borderline Personality Disorder. Does anyone here have any suggestion?
My ex had NPD so I researched NPD for months. Agree with the above when they say "RUN" ! You can research it and BPD via google (but do it in depth) and if you think it is narcissim then one very good book is written by Sam Vadkin (quoted all over the internet) which I found at Barnes and Noble -Malignant Self Love.
 

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The counselor felt he had a personality disorder and said there were aspects of both NPD and BPD but he didn't stay long enough for him to determine which one was more prevalent.
Bfree, PDs are not separate diseases. Indeed, they are not diseases at all. Rather, they are only groups of behavioral symptoms that therapists commonly see occurring together. It therefore is common for a person having one PD to also have one or two others as well. For men having BPD, 3/4 of them have at least one other PD too and half of them have NPD. These results were obtained in a recent study of nearly 35,000 American adults. See Table 3 at Prevalence, Correlates, Disability, and Comorbidity of DSM-IV Borderline Personality Disorder: Results from the Wave 2 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions.

Although your relative will be unable to diagnose her son's issues, she is fully capable of spotting the red flags if she takes time to read about BPD and NPD traits. There is nothing subtle about traits such as verbal abuse, temper tantrums, and lack of impulse control. The primary difference between these two disorders is that, whereas a full-blown narcissist is emotionally stable and unable to love, a BPDer is the opposite: he is unstable but capable of loving (albeit, in an immature way).

If your relative wants to read about narcissism, I suggest she start with Kathy's excellent overview of narcissists at the link she provides above. If she wants to read about BPD, I suggest she start with Stop Walking on Eggshells, the best-selling BPD book targeted to the abused family members. For the son, however, I recommend Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified, which is popular among BPDers.

I also suggest that she start participating (or at least lurking) at BPDfamily.com. Of primary interest will be the website's forum called "Supporting a Son or Daughter Suffering from BPD." Moreover, the resources page has excellent articles and a list of good books. Significantly, that whole website is targeted to the family members, not the BPDers themselves.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thank you all for the ideas and suggestions. I will pass them along to my relatives.
 

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My husband has been diagnosed with BPD (with OCD as well, but not with NPD).

I've found the following very helpful:

When Hope IS Not Enough by Bon Dobbs

Overcoming borderline personlaity disorder by
Valerie Porr

BPD Family forum/web site (already cited above)

Out of the Fog forum/web site
 

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bfree

Many have mixed traits for personality disorders. Sorting out Narsistic trains/Borderline traits from Bipolar then adding to this some manifestations of Attention Deficit and learning disorders such as Dyslexia and this can become very confusing. Many sites will give good discriptions of each but as with many things in life there is more gray than black and white.

There is no subsitute for seeing a good psychologist or psychiatrist, especially if medications are used. The below book is very good and if the diagnosiis if flawed the advice is still good.

Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship Shari Y. Manning PhD (Author), Marsha M. Linehan PhD ABPP
 
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