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My husband and I have been married for 5 years been together 10. We have a 7 yr old son and I have an 11yr daughter. He joined the army 2 months after we got married he was gone for yr and half we seen him 2 weeks out of that time. I was home with family so it wasn't horrible. When he came back we moved 12 hours away from home. Every 3 months he went to the field for at least 3 weeks at a time. What I'm getting at is I have always been left to deal with kids house and everyday things while working full time. He has been in Korea since Jan again gone for a year. I have decided to do me this time. I packed up moved to a state I wanted to live in went back to school "I will be done with school end of Dec". My husband and I have been fighting nonstop since he left over stupid little things. I think he is mad he can no longer dictate what I am doing. I started seeing someone just as a friend at first his daughter babysat for me and he would help me with yard work and stuff that was broke around house. My husbanded hated idea I had help. I think that is what attracted me to this man. This man and I started dating in May. He recently moved to this state to be closer to me. I love him, I can be me around him he supports me going back to school and other decisions I have made. I need advice on how I can tell my husband I want a divorce. I was going to wait till he came home but I'm done. The only way we communicate is through text message. Can I move in with boyfriend before divorce is final? My kids do not know we are dating. We really want to be able to spend holidays together.
 

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My husband and I have been married for 5 years been together 10. We have a 7 yr old son and I have an 11yr daughter. He joined the army 2 months after we got married he was gone for yr and half we seen him 2 weeks out of that time. I was home with family so it wasn't horrible. When he came back we moved 12 hours away from home. Every 3 months he went to the field for at least 3 weeks at a time. What I'm getting at is I have always been left to deal with kids house and everyday things while working full time. He has been in Korea since Jan again gone for a year. I have decided to do me this time. I packed up moved to a state I wanted to live in went back to school "I will be done with school end of Dec". My husband and I have been fighting nonstop since he left over stupid little things. I think he is mad he can no longer dictate what I am doing. I started seeing someone just as a friend at first his daughter babysat for me and he would help me with yard work and stuff that was broke around house. My husbanded hated idea I had help. I think that is what attracted me to this man. This man and I started dating in May. He recently moved to this state to be closer to me. I love him, I can be me around him he supports me going back to school and other decisions I have made. I need advice on how I can tell my husband I want a divorce. I was going to wait till he came home but I'm done. The only way we communicate is through text message. Can I move in with boyfriend before divorce is final? My kids do not know we are dating. We really want to be able to spend holidays together.
so your husband is serving his country and you are out looking for other men?

is your husband cheating on you? if not, you make me sick
 

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you think he 'decided' to JUST DO HIM? and go to Korea? I GUARANTEE NOT.

You are a weak individual from reading your story, I can't even think of the words to tell you, besides PATHETIC. Your story makes me ANGRY. If there is something that I am missing, I'm sorry, but this is just sad.
 

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I think a text message would be perfect.

Here is a suggestion,
"Dear John, you have abondoned me, and all we do is fight about my new boy friend.
I have a solution fot that, I want a divorce!
I am in love with my new boyfriend and he is meeting all my needs, unlike you ever did. I thought about telling you face to face when you got home but we are eager to start our new lives together before the holidays. He is such a big help around here and we really enjoy our time together.
Please dont worry he likes the kids too and will be happy to replace you there as well.
I think it would be best if we can just move on from this quickly.

Thank you for your service to our country (now you can stay there and serve more)

AFFA your wife,
The troll
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I think a text message would be perfect.

Here is a suggestion,
"Dear John, you have abondoned me, and all we do is fight about my new boy friend.
I have a solution fot that, I want a divorce!
I am in love with my new boyfriend and he is meeting all my needs, unlike you ever did. I thought about telling you face to face when you got home but we are eager to start our new lives together before the holidays. He is such a big help around here and we really enjoy our time together.
Please dont worry he likes the kids too and will be happy to replace you there as well.
I think it would be best if we can just move on from this quickly.

Thank you for your service to our country (now you can stay there and serve more)

AFFA your wife,
The troll
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A ******* +
 

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Discussion Starter #9
My husband volunteered to go to Korea for the 2nd time in 3yrs. I begged him not to go, that it would ruin our marriage. We were not fine before he left. His words were crying solves nothing suck it up and deal with it. A female in his unit that he was close to wen over 3 mo before he did. She just left and now he's trying to get med boarded for an injury that happened a yr prior to him going. You tell me is he cheating? He facetimes our son on his ipod when I'm at work. In the 9 mo he has been gone has facetimed with me a handful of times. No my new boyfriend is not the only thing we fight about, we fight over things he tells me to do then yells when I do it. He's a control freak. I know what I did was wrong, I have never said it wasn't.
 

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I think a text message would be perfect.

Here is a suggestion,
"Dear John, you have abondoned me, and all we do is fight about my new boy friend.
I have a solution fot that, I want a divorce!
I am in love with my new boyfriend and he is meeting all my needs, unlike you ever did. I thought about telling you face to face when you got home but we are eager to start our new lives together before the holidays. He is such a big help around here and we really enjoy our time together.
Please dont worry he likes the kids too and will be happy to replace you there as well.
I think it would be best if we can just move on from this quickly.

Thank you for your service to our country (now you can stay there and serve more)

AFFA your wife,
The troll
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You forgot some important things so here more that she needs to tell him...

I will of course not be expecting any child support; will not ask for alimoney and will not ask for any of your retirement. My new boyfriend and I will also be very glad to pay for our children to fly to visit you several times a year.
 

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My husband volunteered to go to Korea for the 2nd time in 3yrs. I begged him not to go, that it would ruin our marriage. We were not fine before he left. His words were crying solves nothing suck it up and deal with it. A female in his unit that he was close to wen over 3 mo before he did. She just left and now he's trying to get med boarded for an injury that happened a yr prior to him going. You tell me is he cheating? He facetimes our son on his ipod when I'm at work. In the 9 mo he has been gone has facetimed with me a handful of times. No my new boyfriend is not the only thing we fight about, we fight over things he tells me to do then yells when I do it. He's a control freak. I know what I did was wrong, I have never said it wasn't.
Give some examples of how your husband was controlling when the two of you were living together.
 

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I am sure that there is a rule here at TAM that says Thou shall not post when drunk and crying, I am going to break it. M.Brown, you should end your marriage to your husband. I want you to be happy in life, i want you to have as much sex and love from your new man as can be, i want you to laugh and sing and do wonderful things for the rest of your days............................................................................................................WHAT I DON'T WANT, IS FOR YOU TO WALK UP TO A MAN THAT IS WORKING HARD, TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING< TRYING TO MAKE MONEY TO SEND YOU, FREEZING HIS ASS OFF ON THE FUCHING DMZ OF NORTH KOREA BECAUSE THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH SOLDIERS BECAUSE OF THE GOD DANB ARABS AND PULL THE TRIGGER! Now is that really too much to ask? I an sure that you are a good person, I am sure that you have been having problems, I am sure that you love the other man, I am sure that your husband dose;t understant that you have alot of work to do also.That this in the states are hard too.......................................................................The thing is .................................your husband is a SLAVE.......................................there i said it, he can not decided were thr US ARMY sends him, he can not decied when he works, he can not decided when he has to go on patrol, he just has to" Man up" and Do the JOB!He just has hope that his wife loves him, thats the only thing that keeps him going, he remembers the wedding that cost twentyfive thousand dollors, and how pretty she lookded and the three day honeymoon, because he hadc to get back to work, we are very short handed on the DMZ.........................please don't kill him like my wife killed me, pleas, please, i loved her so much, please don't kill him like she killed me. just say
 

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Discussion Starter #13
When I could work, then would change his mind on that after my schedule was changed. Who I had babysitting even though it was a great idea before I asked the person. When I moved I said I was going to put house up for sale he said no rent it out the market is slow it will take forever. Thats what I did, got a renter that week. Now months later our old neighbor put theirs up and got an offer now I'm catching heat because I didn't put ours up. When I moved here I wanted to move into an apartment "cheaper,no lawn to cut, pool for kids, it was gated". He said no kids need yard and its not safe. I now live in house that he picked out but landlord won't fix things. He says well why didn't you move into that apartment. Our car is always in shop its my fault because I picked it out. Everything I do or decide is wrong. My last straw was Valentine's Day when he bought me p90x for Christmas I got biggest loser game my birthday wii fit. I weigh 125 lbs 5'4. I'm not looking for sympathy, I know cheating is wrong. I'm not asking for any alimony, retirement or house I will take my pos car that breaks down and that's it. He is trying to get med boarded and will be less then hour away so no need to fly kids.
 

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I am sure that there is a rule here at TAM that says Thou shall not post when drunk and crying, I am going to break it. M.Brown, you should end your marriage to your husband. I want you to be happy in life, i want you to have as much sex and love from your new man as can be, i want you to laugh and sing and do wonderful things for the rest of your days............................................................................................................WHAT I DON'T WANT, IS FOR YOU TO WALK UP TO A MAN THAT IS WORKING HARD, TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING< TRYING TO MAKE MONEY TO SEND YOU, FREEZING HIS ASS OFF ON THE FUCHING DMZ OF NORTH KOREA BECAUSE THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH SOLDIERS BECAUSE OF THE GOD DANB ARABS AND PULL THE TRIGGER! Now is that really too much to ask? I an sure that you are a good person, I am sure that you have been having problems, I am sure that you love the other man, I am sure that your husband dose;t understant that you have alot of work to do also.That this in the states are hard too.......................................................................The thing is .................................your husband is a SLAVE.......................................there i said it, he can not decided were thr US ARMY sends him, he can not decied when he works, he can not decided when he has to go on patrol, he just has to" Man up" and Do the JOB!He just has hope that his wife loves him, thats the only thing that keeps him going, he remembers the wedding that cost twentyfive thousand dollors, and how pretty she lookded and the three day honeymoon, because he hadc to get back to work, we are very short handed on the DMZ.........................please don't kill him like my wife killed me, pleas, please, i loved her so much, please don't kill him like she killed me. just say
My husband is not freezing he has a desk job. He does not go on patrol. Today he went on his many trips to Soul and had dinner and movie with friends. Even though we are broke and complained that I took our son to pumpkin patch. My wedding did not cost 25,000 it cost 8,000 and i paid for it "he did not work at the time. Why because he quit his job. I did look beautiful in my wedding dress but not pretty enough for him to stick around, He went to bar with his friends and got wasted I picked him up at 3am so we could catch our flight. We went on a 7 day honeymoon, he had no job to get back to. He's also happy that I'm doing me and going to school because his plan is to live off his gi bill and stay home and play video games now that I can completely support us now. I don't want to kill him and I'm sorry you were hurt but my husband and I do not have an emotional attachment and haven't in years.
 

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My husband and I have been married for 5 years been together 10. We have a 7 yr old son and I have an 11yr daughter. He joined the army 2 months after we got married he was gone for yr and half we seen him 2 weeks out of that time. I was home with family so it wasn't horrible. When he came back we moved 12 hours away from home. Every 3 months he went to the field for at least 3 weeks at a time. What I'm getting at is I have always been left to deal with kids house and everyday things while working full time. He has been in Korea since Jan again gone for a year.

Can I ask why you did not go with him?

I have decided to do me this time. I packed up moved to a state I wanted to live in went back to school "I will be done with school end of Dec". My husband and I have been fighting nonstop since he left over stupid little things. I think he is mad he can no longer dictate what I am doing.

Did you consult him before moving or making major decisions? And did you take his input into account?

I started seeing someone just as a friend at first his daughter babysat for me and he would help me with yard work and stuff that was broke around house. My husbanded hated idea I had help. I think that is what attracted me to this man.

Unless you were paying this man to do yard work or handyman help, your husband had every right to be pissed. You put yourself in a bad position.

This man and I started dating in May.

You are MARRIED!!! You cannot legally date. State it like it is....YOU ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR!!!!

He recently moved to this state to be closer to me. I love him, I can be me around him he supports me going back to school and other decisions I have made. I need advice on how I can tell my husband I want a divorce. I was going to wait till he came home but I'm done. The only way we communicate is through text message.

Just get it over with and tell him. He deserves to know that you want a divorce and that you are a cheater and liar.

Can I move in with boyfriend before divorce is final? My kids do not know we are dating. We really want to be able to spend holidays together.

I cannot wait to see the way your 11 yr old daughter reacts. All I can say is good luck and I hope you enjoy your selfish life.
 

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Well the saying one thing and then another, forgetting what he's said is more than annoying. It's not however controlling.

Asking that you not sell the house is not controlling either. He's an owner on the home right? So he has a say in whether or not it's sold. You cannot sell it without his signature or a court order… Just like he cannot sell it out from under you. His not agreeing with you on when to sell the house is not controlling. He's entitled to his opinion. There is no guarantee just because your neighbor sold their house that your house would have sold... not in this market. After you moved out of the house, did the two of you have enough money to pay for the mortgage payments for a year or two until it sold.. while you rented place where you moved to?

Your comment that not getting a perfect Valentine’s Day present was the last straw does not bode well for the rest of your argument that he’s a terrible person. Wow.. just wow on that one.

I'm not trying to beat up on you but instead pointing out something that goes on all the time... when a person is cheating they can find a zillion things nasty to say about their spouse.

What you are doing right now is basically a form of emotional abuse. You are having fulltime affair and you have made sure that your husband knows all about it. Then you are get upset because your husband is not very pleasant. Gee he only talks to your son when you are not there. Why should he want to see you via iphone or any other media? And gee he’s in a foul mood. Cheating does that to the person being cheated on.

If you want to divorce your husband just tell him. Write him an email and tell him. File for divorce and get it over with. He already knows that you are sleeping with another man. Do you really think that telling him that you are getting a divorce will hurt him anymore than that?
 

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My husband is not freezing he has a desk job. He does not go on patrol. Today he went on his many trips to Soul and had dinner and movie with friends. Even though we are broke and complained that I took our son to pumpkin patch. My wedding did not cost 25,000 it cost 8,000 and i paid for it "he did not work at the time. Why because he quit his job.
I did look beautiful in my wedding dress but not pretty enough for him to stick around, He went to bar with his friends and got wasted I picked him up at 3am so we could catch our flight.
We went on a 7 day honeymoon, he had no job to get back to.
So you willingly paid for the wedding and married an unemployed guy. Not only that you stayed with him and had children with him. Apparently all this only bothers you when it fits your need to justify your affair.
He's also happy that I'm doing me and going to school because his plan is to live off his gi bill and stay home and play video games now that I can completely support us now.
Didn’t you say that he was upset about you going back to school? Now he’s happy about it? Did he really tell you that he plans to live off his GI Bill and stay home and play video games? Really? You (and maybe he) are apparently not aware that in order to get the GI Bill he will need to attend classes, most likely full time, and get passing grades. So if he’s going to use his GI Bill he clearly intends to go to school and get an education so he have a good career later.

…. but my husband and I do not have an emotional attachment and haven't in years.
Those words… they may be true. They may be the reason why he left. He might feel like there is nothing for him in your marriage any more. This is probably a 2 way street. But those words are exactly what just about every adulterer says. And there is usually a lot of history re-writing going on.
You do not have to turn him into a monster and destroy him for you to move on with your life. Just move on and stop the character assassination. What are your plans for getting a divorce and not attacking him the way you are here? There is no need to bad mouth him and try to destroy him… except to help you justify what you are doing.
 

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How was your day? My first post was sarcasm (I cant read your post), I probably should have followed mama's advise about not saying somthing when you have nothing good to say. when I read this I wanted to throw my phone against the wall, her "in your face" behavor to her husband is cruel!

Elrgirl, David, Underwater, good posts, this is a tough one.

P.s. mbrown you really believe what you did was wrong (as you said above)?

So you were raised better than this or somthing?

Will you be asking forgiveness of your children for destroying your marriage with an affair and breaking up their family, when they are old enough to understand?
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How was your day? My first post was sarcasm (I cant read your post), I probably should have followed mama's advise about not saying somthing when you have nothing good to say. when I read this I wanted to throw my phone against the wall, her "in your face" behavor to her husband is cruel!

Elrgirl, David, Underwater, good posts, this is a tough one.

P.s. mbrown you really believe what you did was wrong (as you said above)?

So you were raised better than this or somthing?

Will you be asking forgiveness of your children for destroying your marriage with an affair and breaking up their family, when they are old enough to understand?
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i was agreeing with your post, i picked up on the sarcasm, and gave it an A+
 
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