So why not let him keep the tablets locked and then buy your own?
Boundaries with my ex/children's father?
Just looking for maybe some advice or to see if anyone's been through the same? I'll make the story as short as possible.
Basically me and my ex are separated, my two kids have tablets. We have had FamilLink set up and he was the manager of it. Now that we're separated and in the middle of a messy custody/support case I want him off the tablets. He will constantly message me about them being on the tablets too much or not enough or if he tries to call through messenger (which I'm fine with) and they don't pick up he messages me complaining that they were on the tablets and they didn't answer, he blames me for things like notifications getting turned off because he's constantly accusing me of things I didn't do. I figure now that we're separated I would like privacy in my own home and him not constantly watching everything the kids do when they're here.
I was going to wipe the tablets, but now he's locked them and I can't do anything to the tablets. He's basically going to keep them locked until I agree to let him continue on as manager of the tablets. My choices now are to put the tablets up and just say no more tablets until I can buy new ones or say okay to him and give the tablets back to my kids. My kids are obviously upset about not having tablets, but they are only 6&7 years old so it's hard for them to understand why I'm doing what I'm doing.
I know it might seem like a small problem to others, but my ex was very controlling and emotionally abusive when we were together. I'm in therapy for this and figuring out where I stand and boundaries. It helps to get thoughts from others going through similar situations.
Basically me and my ex are separated, my two kids have tablets. We have had FamilLink set up and he was the manager of it. Now that we're separated and in the middle of a messy custody/support case I want him off the tablets. He will constantly message me about them being on the tablets too much or not enough or if he tries to call through messenger (which I'm fine with) and they don't pick up he messages me complaining that they were on the tablets and they didn't answer, he blames me for things like notifications getting turned off because he's constantly accusing me of things I didn't do. I figure now that we're separated I would like privacy in my own home and him not constantly watching everything the kids do when they're here.
I was going to wipe the tablets, but now he's locked them and I can't do anything to the tablets. He's basically going to keep them locked until I agree to let him continue on as manager of the tablets. My choices now are to put the tablets up and just say no more tablets until I can buy new ones or say okay to him and give the tablets back to my kids. My kids are obviously upset about not having tablets, but they are only 6&7 years old so it's hard for them to understand why I'm doing what I'm doing.
I know it might seem like a small problem to others, but my ex was very controlling and emotionally abusive when we were together. I'm in therapy for this and figuring out where I stand and boundaries. It helps to get thoughts from others going through similar situations.
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The only reason I haven't wanted to do that is because when we separated he refused to help out financially at all. I ended up supporting my kids and myself on my own with help from my family. Now I'm finishing up school and won't be working for another 2 months, so I don't have the money to buy new tablets right now. He yelled at me 2 weeks ago because he said I was forcing him to take their things with him, so I said I wouldn't send things with them anymore. He said he was going to buy tablets for them at his house and we wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. He still wants to have control over the tablets here even if he has tablets at his home, which he does now but the kids prefer these.So why not let him keep the tablets locked and then buy your own?
@Estaria,
I second what @Iadron says. Give the locked tablets to your controlling ex and let him keep them, and go get your own. That way they are on YOUR family plan that YOU control, and in YOUR home YOU get to make the rules about the time the kids play, whether they answer a message, etc. I've seen them on Amazon in the $50-70 range, so let the kids "pick" the one they like, the color they like, and just give the locked ones to the ex!
I get it--as a single mom money is hard to come by. But nothing you can do or say will control HIM...so take him out of the picture. If you have to, get one tablet that's yours "for now" and let the kids know the plan for getting the second one. For example, "We'll get one now that is just ours for our house. And we'll save up and get the second one in summer. Here's the saving jar--let's all put in our extra change and save up together!"
I second what @Iadron says. Give the locked tablets to your controlling ex and let him keep them, and go get your own. That way they are on YOUR family plan that YOU control, and in YOUR home YOU get to make the rules about the time the kids play, whether they answer a message, etc. I've seen them on Amazon in the $50-70 range, so let the kids "pick" the one they like, the color they like, and just give the locked ones to the ex!
I get it--as a single mom money is hard to come by. But nothing you can do or say will control HIM...so take him out of the picture. If you have to, get one tablet that's yours "for now" and let the kids know the plan for getting the second one. For example, "We'll get one now that is just ours for our house. And we'll save up and get the second one in summer. Here's the saving jar--let's all put in our extra change and save up together!"
Right I understand. You are correct he wants to use his tablets as a way to control everyone. Unfortunately the only option to prevent this is to get rid of them. Is it possible to simply give them back and have your kids get on without tablets until you’re able to afford them? I know that may upset the children but do you think they’d get over it fairly quickly or is this going to be a major issue?The only reason I haven't wanted to do that is because when we separated he refused to help out financially at all. I ended up supporting my kids and myself on my own with help from my family. Now I'm finishing up school and won't be working for another 2 months, so I don't have the money to buy new tablets right now. He yelled at me 2 weeks ago because he said I was forcing him to take their things with him, so I said I wouldn't send things with them anymore. He said he was going to buy tablets for them at his house and we wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. He still wants to have control over the tablets here even if he has tablets at his home, which he does now but the kids prefer these.
It is literally just stuff. Now is the perfect opportunity to teach them this lesson. 6 & 7 is plenty old enough. It’s unfortunate, but in the same breath they shouldn’t be that attached to them. But that’s how I parent my own child, everyone has their own way. I just think they can become a really unhealthy item quickly and my son knows. If I tell you to get off it and there’s whining about it or fuss, it’s gone.
Not claiming your kids are throwing fits about it or anything. Just saying this may not be a bad thing truly 🤷🏼♀️ it is unfortunate he’s using them to control but also, that’s sign he ain’t got no control 😆
Not claiming your kids are throwing fits about it or anything. Just saying this may not be a bad thing truly 🤷🏼♀️ it is unfortunate he’s using them to control but also, that’s sign he ain’t got no control 😆
Who paid for the tablets? If he did, give them back to him indefinitely. When you can, if you can, you can buy it for the kids eventually. If you did pay for them, then he doesn't really have the right to say much. You could just tell him when the kids are with you, they do as you say, when they are with him, they can do as he says. He doesn't have the right to dictate what you do in your own home, and the decisions you make.Just looking for maybe some advice or to see if anyone's been through the same? I'll make the story as short as possible.
Basically me and my ex are separated, my two kids have tablets. We have had FamilLink set up and he was the manager of it. Now that we're separated and in the middle of a messy custody/support case I want him off the tablets. He will constantly message me about them being on the tablets too much or not enough or if he tries to call through messenger (which I'm fine with) and they don't pick up he messages me complaining that they were on the tablets and they didn't answer, he blames me for things like notifications getting turned off because he's constantly accusing me of things I didn't do. I figure now that we're separated I would like privacy in my own home and him not constantly watching everything the kids do when they're here.
I was going to wipe the tablets, but now he's locked them and I can't do anything to the tablets. He's basically going to keep them locked until I agree to let him continue on as manager of the tablets. My choices now are to put the tablets up and just say no more tablets until I can buy new ones or say okay to him and give the tablets back to my kids. My kids are obviously upset about not having tablets, but they are only 6&7 years old so it's hard for them to understand why I'm doing what I'm doing.
I know it might seem like a small problem to others, but my ex was very controlling and emotionally abusive when we were together. I'm in therapy for this and figuring out where I stand and boundaries. It helps to get thoughts from others going through similar situations.
Ask the court for an order that any communication between him and you be restricted to necessary things about the kids, medical, etc. , pickup, and ask that he be restricted to email on a website specifically for custodial parents. Here is one such. It logs everything, and no extra talking is allowed. The transcript may be taken to court if someone name calls or breaches the agreement to only talk when necessary about the kids.
www.ourfamilywizard.com
Tools for Conflict Free Co-Parenting | OurFamilyWizard
OFW is a comprehensive application to solve shared parenting challenges once and for all.
www.ourfamilywizard.com
Hi there, I’m sorry to hear that you are dealing with a difficult ex who is trying to manipulate you and your children. It sounds like he is very selfish and immature and doesn’t respect your boundaries or your decisions. You have every right to feel frustrated and annoyed by his behavior. You deserve to have peace and stability in your life and your children’s lives. Here are some suggestions that might help you deal with your ex:
Best regards, Mia from CodeIT
- Be firm and consistent with your boundaries. Don’t let him guilt-trip you or pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do. Don’t respond to his texts or calls unless they are about the children or something urgent. Don’t engage in arguments or drama with him. Don’t let him into your house or your personal space. Don’t give him any information or details about your life or your plans. Don’t let him interfere with your parenting or your relationship with your children.
- Document everything he does or says that is inappropriate or abusive. Keep a record of his texts, emails, voicemails, or any other evidence of his harassment or manipulation. This will help you in case you need to take legal action against him or protect yourself and your children from him. You might also want to get a restraining order or a no-contact order if he becomes too aggressive or threatening.
- Seek professional help from a therapist or a counselor who can help you cope with your emotions and stress. You might also benefit from joining a support group or a forum where you can connect with other people who are going through similar situations with their exes. You can share your experiences, advice, and support with each other.
- Focus on yourself and your children’s well-being. Don’t let your ex’s negativity affect your happiness or your self-esteem. Find some hobbies, activities, or interests that make you happy and fulfilled. Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Spend quality time with your children and show them love and attention. Remember that you are a strong and capable person who deserves respect and peace.
Best regards, Mia from CodeIT
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