Of course it's worth. 22 years invested!!! You can find each other again. You can get through it. It won't happen overnight. You are still very new to this.How do we help each other? Is it even worth trying?
Your husband seems getting past the withdrawal from OW. Even it was a short relationship things can get very intense very quickly. He's still "detoxing". You are going to accept it.
Keep reading and posting. Hope more members can help you with it.
About mind movies and obessive thoughts some people begin to manipulate the movies when they hit: fast-forwarding them, rewinding them, making her fall off the bed, consciously add information to the movies, tweaking things, or changing the ending... whatever it takes to gain control of the image. Some others "change" the image in the head completely: when you think of him with OW, change it to two Mr. Potato Heads....or Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse.....or two dogs (which is more to the truth). Sounds crazy, but it works for many sometimes.
I found out thins online about "managing" mind movies (google it adding infidelity, there's more info).
Mind movies: Changing Your Vision: A Visulization for Overcoming Obsessive Images
Take some time now to lay back and relax. Take a few deep breaths and feel your body unwind.
As you do so, consciously, intentionally bring the image that you have been struggling with most to mind. Look at it in as much detail as you can. Hear the sounds and see the images that appear in your image as if they are happening right now in this moment.
Once you have the image firmly in mind try thinking about this as though it were a videotape or a DVD. Imagine that you can alter the image any way you choose to.
Keeping in mind that you can alter this scene any way you like, take your image and play it in reverse. Imagine that you hit the rewind button on your VCR or DVD player and you are now watching your image as it hums along in reverse. Once you have done this, press play again and allow the image to play out the way it was before you hit the rewind button.
Now see if you can alter the physical appearance of the image.
Try and change the size and shape of the people and objects in the image. Try seeing it as though it were tinted in a different hue. Perhaps you can make the whole image blue or green or pink. Once you have done this try looking at your scene from different perspectives. Try seeing it from high above as though you were looking at it from a bird's eye. Then try and look at it from below as though you were a bug watching the scene.
Finally come up with some ways of your own to manipulate the scene. You may try adding a soundtrack to your videotape if there isn't one playing, or getting rid of the soundtrack if there
is one playing. You could think about different scents in the room and alter them as well.
Do anything you can think of with this image. You may even want to make the people in it look like Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck.
As you do this realize that this image is completely under your control. The image occurs inside your mind and you can alter it any way you choose to. It is in fact your image. You have the
power to change it if you wish to.
Once you are satisfied that you can alter the image at your whim, bring yourself back to the present moment and see whether or not you feel a difference in your emotional state.
Most people find a sense of freedom and relief once they realize they are able to control the images they have been suffering with. Learning that you are in control of your mind can be a powerful experience.
Dr. Frank Gunzburg Ph.D., P.A