Why do you have a problem sharing with your wife what you plan to do this summer? Seems like a no-brainer to me.I feel like my take charge executive wife is treating me like an employee and I’m not sure how to handle it.
Short version: I’m a high school English teacher who usually works at a camp all summer but can’t this year due to family commitments. I have secured a job teaching a one week course in July (for about $1200). I’ve also applied for another virtual teaching job, and asked a contractor friend if I could help out with kitchen demolitions. I planned to refinish the kitchen cabinets and reseal the deck in the interim. Today, in regards to these summer plans, my wife said, “I’d like to solidify a plan straight away…” Why is it so important to her that we need to solidify a plan for what I’ll do this summer? I get paid 12 months, she makes more than double my salary and we aren’t desperate for the modest money I’ll likely make doing summer work (though of course it’ll help). It feels like she is arbitrarily taking charge and I have little recourse. I don’t know how to respond. I need perspective, wisdom, and help!
Backstory (if interested):
My wife of 19 yrs. is a classic woman executive. She’s worked exceptionally hard for a seat at the table at which she still isn’t always heard. She’s responsible for a lot in the office and she takes charge of her staff to ensure it all gets done. Taking charge is kind of her thing, the kids and me, at the family reunion, in the grocery store with strangers. She’s most comfortable when she’s in control (can be very uncomfortable when she’s not). Her impatience also has a hair-trigger. I tend to stay in my lane outside of work. I have no desire to insert myself or take charge of things that aren’t directly in my purview. I also suffer with depression and anxiety that often limits my productivity at home. This is a consistent source of friction for us. She feels overwhelmed working full time and “doing everything for the business of our family” I don’t take enough initiative, don’t complete enough tasks, don’t follow-up/through enough or in a timely enough fashion. She is often very critical of and sometimes insulting as a result. I’m often very defensive and feel like her employee. Our marriage has almost always been tenuous. Resentment lingers in the air like cat pee at our house—don’t always notice the smell but it’s always there. I’m in behavioral therapy and take medication. I’m getting better at my part, but it’s a process.