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I mentioned in the original post that I am in therapy and take medication. I’m working diligently and making progress but it’s a process. I don’t think I’m stewing about her and her career I think I’m affronted her demanding tone.
You should be.

What you shouldn't do is cater to it.

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I think you may have missed a few things in this thread, or perhaps I haven't communicated clearly enough. When I said I mind my business I meant I don't seek opportunities to butt in or take charge of other people and their affairs (unless it's necessary). I'm not in charge of monkeys that aren't in my circus if you will. So no, I don't avoid communicating with my wife or duck out of any situations. Of course, we are accountable to each other, and absolutely she should know what my summer plans are, which is why I told her. She apparently didn't approve of/appreciate my ideas and responded, "I'd like us to solidify a plan straightaway" which rubbed me. Why do we need to solidify a plan when I just told you what my plan is?

That said, I agree that she is frustrated with me and harbors some resentment about carrying much of the load in family business (bill paying, appointment making, future planning etc.). My behavioral therapist and I are developing strategies to help me take more initiative and complete more tasks. I also understand that she's under a lot of stress at work and at home but it doesn't negate my need to be treated as an equal adult and not a subordinate.
"My plan is solid. What is this 'we' stuff?"

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From your typing fingers to God's ears! Stepping up and taking care of things has been a challenge for me and I'm constantly working on it (in therapy and intrapersonally). Sometimes I'm clueless to the expectations until after the blowup. e.g. I thought e-mailing a letter to my son's advisor was perfectly fine but she felt that was lazy and half a**ed and was furious that I thought otherwise. Other times I've procrastinated or forgotten etc. I can't control her unexpressed expectations but I can work even harder at staying on top of things.

That said, I still don't know how to respond to the idea that my plans for working over the summer were dismissed and now we need to solidify new plans "straight away." Why the urgency? Why the we? What was wrong with my plans in the first place? Why do I have no autonomy in this situation?
You are allowing her to tell you what to do AND how to do it.

If she wants to do the latter, your response should be something akin to this:

"If you can't control your urge to tell me how to do something, I will simply assume you know better and allow you to do it."

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Shouldn't I be? Does anybody look forward to impending cataclysmic struggle?
Most do not look forward to cataclysmic struggle.

That said, your lack of willingness to risk said struggle is largely why you are where you are, with your wife running roughshod over you.

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I'm aware that some people are drawn to drama/conflict however I'm a pacifist. Our fighting is unhealthy and 90% unproductive. Reason leaves the room within a few exchanges and chaos reigns. I'm left spent and fighting depression. No way I'm seeking that experience on purpose.
That's just it, dude. You don't have to fight per se, but you must be willing to simply, and CALMLY, communicate to her that you don't march to the beat of her drum.

I mean...hey...maybe this works for you. But if you keep doing what you are doing, you will keep getting what you are getting.

Change happens when the fear of remaining the same is greater than the fear of change.

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