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I am not a mental health person. Just a husband about to embark on a divorce from my wife of 6 years who refuses to work despite being a healthy educated woman with a Bachelor's in Nursing, is controlling, can't have a meaningful conversation with her about any sensitive issues, and has now, as of last week, taken all our joint monies and put them into an account that only she controls. We do not have kids.
In my attempt to try to understand what's going on I googled, "sense of entitlement". It turned out that she had alot of the signs of "borderline personality disorder".
According to the National Institute of Health these are some of the symptoms:
According to the DSM, Fourth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR), to be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, a person must show an enduring pattern of behavior that includes at least five of the following symptoms:
Extreme reactions—including panic, depression, rage, or frantic actions—to abandonment, whether real or perceived
A pattern of intense and stormy relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often veering from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)
Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self, which can result in sudden changes in feelings, opinions, values, or plans and goals for the future (such as school or career choices)
Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating
Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting
Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days
Chronic feelings of emptiness and/or boredom
Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger
Having stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality.
Seemingly mundane events may trigger symptoms. For example, people with borderline personality disorder may feel angry and distressed over minor separations—such as vacations, business trips, or sudden changes of plans—from people to whom they feel close.
Studies show that people with this disorder may see anger in an emotionally neutral face5 and have a stronger reaction to words with negative meanings than people who do not have the disorder.
My wife has shown signs of these symptoms consistently. She refuses to go to counseling with me for our marriage so I went alone. Unfortunately for me, the counselor has told me that people with BPD rarely get better on their own and they need intensive counseling. She has told me that in many divorces, BPD is a factor with one of the persons. I am very sad, because I love my wife. I wish I could help her, but after 6 years of a crazy roller coaster ride I have to leave or risk paying her long term alimony according to my lawyer. As I write this, tears are streaming down my face becuase my lawyer is waiting for my call today to file the divorce papers with the court.
I am writing this to alert anyone that may be suffering from this type of marriage that this may be the reason. Knowing the reason may not help the problem, but at least you have a reason for whatever it is worth.
In my attempt to try to understand what's going on I googled, "sense of entitlement". It turned out that she had alot of the signs of "borderline personality disorder".
According to the National Institute of Health these are some of the symptoms:
According to the DSM, Fourth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR), to be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, a person must show an enduring pattern of behavior that includes at least five of the following symptoms:
Extreme reactions—including panic, depression, rage, or frantic actions—to abandonment, whether real or perceived
A pattern of intense and stormy relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often veering from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)
Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self, which can result in sudden changes in feelings, opinions, values, or plans and goals for the future (such as school or career choices)
Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating
Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting
Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days
Chronic feelings of emptiness and/or boredom
Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger
Having stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality.
Seemingly mundane events may trigger symptoms. For example, people with borderline personality disorder may feel angry and distressed over minor separations—such as vacations, business trips, or sudden changes of plans—from people to whom they feel close.
Studies show that people with this disorder may see anger in an emotionally neutral face5 and have a stronger reaction to words with negative meanings than people who do not have the disorder.
My wife has shown signs of these symptoms consistently. She refuses to go to counseling with me for our marriage so I went alone. Unfortunately for me, the counselor has told me that people with BPD rarely get better on their own and they need intensive counseling. She has told me that in many divorces, BPD is a factor with one of the persons. I am very sad, because I love my wife. I wish I could help her, but after 6 years of a crazy roller coaster ride I have to leave or risk paying her long term alimony according to my lawyer. As I write this, tears are streaming down my face becuase my lawyer is waiting for my call today to file the divorce papers with the court.
I am writing this to alert anyone that may be suffering from this type of marriage that this may be the reason. Knowing the reason may not help the problem, but at least you have a reason for whatever it is worth.
