[AwfullyGuilty]

This book was given to me by my marriage counselor to read as part of my homework. Did anyone read it and like it? Is it for Christians mainly?

 

[Mavash.]

It is christian based but the basic principles still apply. It's a great book on learning how to set healthy boundaries. Took reading it in conjunction with therapy before I could apply those principles though. Setting boundaries is harder than it looks for codependents like me.

For me I had to fix the codependent and low self esteem problem before I could set boundaries. So this book collected a bit of dust until I was ready for it.

 

[Acorn]

I liked it. I am fixing the codependent part like Mavash so it was hard for me at first. I wanted to put boundaries around my spouse at first... then I put them around me, which was a bit better... and the ultimately around the marriage or whatever other things I was interested in protecting.

 

[DayDream]

Everyone in my family has read that book and swears by it. I started it a long time ago then lost it. Plan on reading it again.

 

[tiredandout]

I'm not at all Christian, only mildly spiritual. The book is full of Bible references, but it didn't bother me: they are not the main point, the teachings of the book are universal (as to me are most of those of the Bible as well, but let's not get into that).

I also have lots of codependency traits and didn't get full value out of the book until recently when I started individual councelling. Even before that it did however bring many things to my awareness that I wouldn't have noticed before, and I did start changing in my relationships towards a healthier, less fearful and controlling me. The tools of how to exactly do that, I'm only finding with therapy. But already opening my eyes to it changed things.

The same author has one specifically for boundaries in marriage as well, which is good if that is really your only concern, but for me it was good to read how the same things apply to all relationships and learn healthier ways of interacting with all my loved ones. I recommend it.

 

[DayDream]

There is a book out there called Healing the Child Within (or something like that) that is a good one about codependency as well.

 

[tiredandout]

There is a book out there called Healing the Child Within (or something like that) that is a good one about codependency as well.

I own the workbook the goes with this (A Gift to Myself: Healing the Child Within) and while I think it's great I think it should come a fair warning: It won't do anything for you unless your willing to do the work and open to digging deep and facing some potentially very painful past experiences. And doing that work takes time. I've had this workbook for a year and still haven't finished all the sections.

 

[SimplyAmorous]

I bought this book yrs ago ... and It has ALWAYS been one of my favorites, it did change the way I looked at dealings with some people... helping me no longer take "guilt" or feeling bad when I say NO to a friend, to anyone really -if I feel they are pushing my boundaries...

Which a little of that was happening with a friend at the time ... I would happily watch her sons, they would play at my house with our sons.. sleeping over alot... . and it got to the point of her dropping one of them off like 7pm and calling me up an hour later and telling me I had to make sure he got a bath....and ya know...

I didn't care for that....She's the Mom, she had him all day long...I seen that as HER Responsibility.. strange boundary example I suppose, but I said back to her exactly how I felt about that... she didn't like it.... which is common- the book will tell you... she told me "just let him stink then". She was irritated with me ! Ha ha But you know what...

When you stop allowing people to assume you are the fall guy.... or they can just count on you for everything .... they wise up and learn respect, it helps them in their own boundary walk. When we don't do this... I leads to resentment within ourselves & feeling worn out- this is NOT OK.

Great great book!

Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives:

Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances -- Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions --

Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others --

Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator --

Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask: - Can I set limits and still be a loving person? - What are legitimate boundaries? - What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries? - How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? - Aren't boundaries selfish? - Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries? Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.

 

[Ten_year_hubby]

There is a lot of misunderstanding and misinformation around regarding boundaries. I would suggest that you read the book all the way through before you start imposing any heavy consequences. I found the appendix interesting

 

[AwfullyGuilty]

Thank you very much for your replies! Help a lot.

 

[Jellybeans]

All of Cloud/Townsends books are really good.

I liked the Boundaries in Marriage book.

 

[argyle]

Yes. Don't worry about the Christian bit - a very pragmatic, sensible book.

...as opposed to a similar boundaries book by Wsomething that ends up with a long discussion of psychic powers.

--Argyle

 

[Blanca]

I read boundaries in marriage by cloud/townsend and it completely changed the way I think about how to love and be loved by another person. I thought they did a fantastic job of presenting the really complex topic of loving and being loved. I'm not Christian and i still found it extremely helpful.