[romantic_dreamer]

Remember, he is saying this from the point of view of only ever having been with his wife. Conveniently that number is just slightly above his wife's count.

@romantic_dreamer if you current wife had just 2 more partners she would have been dumped by you?

Correct. I have only been with my wife. My wife had one long term relationship and few hookups with BJ only.

I don't know what my cut off number for her would have been. I accepted her sexual history. The most difficult part was that it was only revealed 10 years after we got married. I don't know how I would have felt if it turned out she had 3 or 5 partners. I believe it would have impacted my sexual desire for her and as as consequences our marriage.

 

[ConanHub]

So body count does matter!!!

I knew it!

The truth is that it does to many and doesn't to others.

There are reasons it doesn't matter to me and my requirements work but might not for someone else.

I'm aware of the studies and there seems to be validity in them.

Both men and women are impacted by having a higher body count.

It seems to impact women more and sooner but it happens to men to.

People can of course have their standards and as long as two people are satisfied with each other, it's going to be a good start and continue if they work at it.

I think it's fine that you have your standards.

Women sometimes have similar standards as we've seen even here and a guy like me would be automatically disqualified even though I've never cheated and been in a successful relationship with one woman for over 3 decades.

 

[ConanHub]

As I wrote earlier, you either value sex within marriage or you don’t. So it’s more about ‘marriage matters’ and not how many sex partners someone has had.

If promiscuous behavior is acceptable to you, then whether it’s 3 or 300 doesn’t really make a difference.

The made-up, pretend values are nonsense. Much like pronouns and gender fluidity.

I generally agree with this and your views resonate with me.

There is a noticeable and measurable difference in impact on a woman who has had 3 partners and a woman that has had 300 though.

I would definitely argue the same scenario would have a noticeable difference in impact on men as well.

Now religious commitment can be an equalizer to negative effects.

 

[minimalME]

I generally agree with this and your views resonate with me.

There is a noticeable and measurable difference in impact on a woman who has had 3 partners and a woman that has had 300 though.

I would definitely argue the same scenario would have a noticeable difference in impact on men as well.

Now religious commitment can be an equalizer to negative effects.

My point was more, if a person requires a specific standard of purity, then first they need to hold themselves to that rule, and then they need to uphold the value of virginity.

To go around grilling everyone over their sexual past is appalling. And virginity is shamed.

I don’t know if it was on this thread or a different one that someone mentioned bringing this up on a first date. How gross and inappropriate. I’d get up and walk out on someone who said anything remotely so disgusting and disrespectful.

And any man who expects sex on a first, second or third date automatically disqualifies himself from any sort of sexual prying.

It’s one thing to hold to purity yourself, and by extension desire that in a partner. But these men who have sex with every other person they meet, then somehow want to end up with a ‘low number’ woman? For the majority of the population, those days are gone.

 

[Livvie]

As you can count my number on one hand, I'd say 20 would be my turn off limit.

And if he had ever been with our paid for a sex worker, immediate no. Our values would be too misaligned.

 

[ConanHub]

My point was more, if a person requires a specific standard of purity, then first they need to hold themselves to that rule, and then they need to uphold the value of virginity.

To go around grilling everyone over their sexual past is appalling. And virginity is shamed.

I don’t know if it was on this thread or a different one that someone mentioned bringing this up on a first date. How gross and inappropriate. I’d get up and walk out on someone who said anything remotely so disgusting and disrespectful.

And any man who expects sex on a first, second or third date automatically disqualifies himself from any sort of sexual prying.

It’s one thing to hold to purity yourself, and by extension desire that in a partner. But these men who have sex with every other person they meet, then somehow want to end up with a ‘low number’ woman? For the majority of the population, those days are gone.

Hahahaha! Yup. I totally agree with this.

I research a lot of current trends and there are a couple of shows that promote the idea that men can be promiscuous while expecting the women they want to take seriously be chaste.

It's often juvenile.

 

[minimalME]

As you can count my number on one hand, I'd say 20 would be my turn off limit.

And if he had ever been with our paid for a sex worker, immediate no. Our values would be too misaligned.

Have you ever asked a man you’re dating if he’s paid for a prostitute?

I can totally see a man lying if presented with this question.

 

[ConanHub]

As you can count my number on one hand, I'd say 20 would be my turn off limit.

And if he had ever been with our paid for a sex worker, immediate no. Our values would be too misaligned.

Does trying to sneak into a strip joint when you're underage count?😅

 

[Livvie]

Have you ever asked a man you’re dating if he’s paid for a prostitute?

I can totally see a man lying if presented with this question.

I haven't asked, but I have only been with a few men and knew them pretty well (and we were all young) and would bet 99.9% they hadn't, based on general discussions and what I knew of their thoughts and values.

 

[Hiner112]

I am entitled to know everything about my partner and she or he is entitled to know everything about me before deciding to spend rest of our lives together.

"Entitled" is a loaded word. I certainly expect honesty. I also would want to be in a relationship where I feel safe to share my thoughts and experiences and them with me.

Honestly, I am too Fing old to make stuff up. I'm also too old to worry about if the other person would like me if they really knew me. They're getting everything, past and present.

 

[In Absentia]

And if he had ever been with our paid for a sex worker, immediate no. Our values would be too misaligned.

Someone I knew when I was younger (he was German) told me he went to a prostitute just for the experience, because he was curious. I wonder if he told his wife when he got married. Unfortunately, I lost touch with him...

 

[Hiner112]

In general, the more partners that you've had, the less satisfied you are with your current relationship. If I'm deciding to date someone, it doesn't matter if this is cause or effect. It means that if I'm dating someone that has had a lot of relationships / sexual partners, that they are more likely to be dissatisfied with me or the relationship.

Does Sexual History Affect Marital Happiness?

The 1960s changed premarital sex. Prior to the sexual revolution, unmarried heterosexual sex partners tended to marry each other (sometimes motivated by a shotgun pregnancy); in more recent decades, first sex usually does not lead to marriage. Figure 1 shows how the odds of having only one...

ifstudies.org

.

 

[Tdbo]

Body count is merely a number, although it does paint a picture.
However, context matters.
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who want to find "Their Person," and those who merely want to hook up.
My personal experience is that the former utilize multiple criteria and analysis (with the head atop their shoulders) to determine compatibility. The latter comes down to attractiveness, availability, and the desire to bump uglies at a given point in time.
Therefore, you have two groups: those who probably have a low (or no) body count, and those who probably have a substantial one.
Those who aim for zero. Probably not realistic.
Sure there are those who fall in love at first sight, get married, lose their virginities together, buy a house with a picket fence, crank out a few kids, and live happily ever after.
However, as was my case (as well as many others,) doing so was a process, not an event.
Thus, the body count.
In my case, when I was married at 32, mine was 7 (including my wife of 30 years.)
Hers was a couple less at 26.
However of my 7, 5 were somewhat long term relationships that were serious. As a male, I turned down two marriage proposals, a proposal to shack up, was engaged twice, and married once.
I guess I have standards, and don't settle.
Body counts (to me) are a data point that tells a story
I've never been with anyone who had an excessive number.
I fully realize and accept that whatever happened before me was not my circus, and they were not my monkey. However, history to me is generally a predictor of future events.
Body count and age to me is somewhat of a sliding scale. It is reasonable to expect that a 50 year old person should have a higher count than a 25 year old person. IF it is the other way around, then the red flags go up.
In my world, a BC of 10. probably not a problem. A BC of 150 would probably be disqualifying.
Yes, I did have a serious relationship with a virgin. Yes, she did lose it to me (she made the move.) It was special, however, not world altering. We were in love, however I could not live the existence I would have to if we would have married, due to her career. In addition, both our careers required a level of flexibility that were incompatible with each other.
So, my BC went up by one.
So, yes body counts do matter. Not so much because of the number, but what the number represents.

 

[ConanHub]

Body count is merely a number, although it does paint a picture.
However, context matters.
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who want to find "Their Person," and those who merely want to hook up.
My personal experience is that the former utilize multiple criteria and analysis (with the head atop their shoulders) to determine compatibility. The latter comes down to attractiveness, availability, and the desire to bump uglies at a given point in time.
Therefore, you have two groups: those who probably have a low (or no) body count, and those who probably have a substantial one.
Those who aim for zero. Probably not realistic.
Sure there are those who fall in love at first sight, get married, lose their virginities together, buy a house with a picket fence, crank out a few kids, and live happily ever after.
However, as was my case (as well as many others,) doing so was a process, not an event.
Thus, the body count.
In my case, when I was married at 32, mine was 7 (including my wife of 30 years.)
Hers was a couple less at 26.
However of my 7, 5 were somewhat long term relationships that were serious. As a male, I turned down two marriage proposals, a proposal to shack up, was engaged twice, and married once.
I guess I have standards, and don't settle.
Body counts (to me) are a data point that tells a story
I've never been with anyone who had an excessive number.
I fully realize and accept that whatever happened before me was not my circus, and they were not my monkey. However, history to me is generally a predictor of future events.
Body count and age to me is somewhat of a sliding scale. It is reasonable to expect that a 50 year old person should have a higher count than a 25 year old person. IF it is the other way around, then the red flags go up.
In my world, a BC of 10. probably not a problem. A BC of 150 would probably be disqualifying.
Yes, I did have a serious relationship with a virgin. Yes, she did lose it to me (she made the move.) It was special, however, not world altering. We were in love, however I could not live the existence I would have to if we would have married, due to her career. In addition, both our careers required a level of flexibility that were incompatible with each other.
So, my BC went up by one.
So, yes body counts do matter. Not so much because of the number, but what the number represents.

Context matters as you have illustrated.

My number might have been considered high but I didn't care if I lived or died when I was racking up the numbers.

Being surprised by meeting my wife changed my outlook and, desiring to live at that point, I didn't want anyone but her from that point on.

 

[Married but Happy]

In general, the more partners that you've had, the less satisfied you are with your current relationship. If I'm deciding to date someone, it doesn't matter if this is cause or effect. It means that if I'm dating someone that has had a lot of relationships / sexual partners, that they are more likely to be dissatisfied with me or the relationship.

View attachment 98423

Does Sexual History Affect Marital Happiness?

The 1960s changed premarital sex. Prior to the sexual revolution, unmarried heterosexual sex partners tended to marry each other (sometimes motivated by a shotgun pregnancy); in more recent decades, first sex usually does not lead to marriage. Figure 1 shows how the odds of having only one...

ifstudies.org

.

The difference in satisfaction is at most 15% between the least and most partners. And the difference between 2 partners and 21+ partners is only 5%. So, the most significant change comes from having more than just 1 partner, and that applies to very few people these days. Satisfaction even increases significantly for women beyond 6-10 partners. These are statistical averages. Plenty of individuals will have a much better satisfaction level than the average for their cohort; individually, I'm not a statistic, and my wife and I rate our marital satisfaction above 95%. IMO, even those with 1 partner are statistically not all that happy as a group. It could even be that many lack a variety of sexual experiences and don't know what they're missing.

Anyway, IMO using this study provides marginal justification for choosing a low-number partner.

 

[Diana7]

People are never completely honest. They can certainly try.

Mr D knows everything. Whatever he asked I would answer.

 

[Diana7]

The difference in satisfaction is at most 15% between the least and most partners. And the difference between 2 partners and 21+ partners is only 5%. So, the most significant change comes from having more than just 1 partner, and that applies to very few people these days. Satisfaction even increases significantly for women beyond 6-10 partners. These are statistical averages. Plenty of individuals will have a much better satisfaction level than the average for their cohort; individually, I'm not a statistic, and my wife and I rate our marital satisfaction above 95%. IMO, even those with 1 partner are statistically not all that happy as a group. It could even be that many lack a variety of sexual experiences and don't know what they're missing.

Anyway, IMO using this study provides marginal justification for choosing a low-number partner.

The idea is that you grow in sexual experience together over the years. You don't need to have had loads of partners to have a good sex life.

 

[Diana7]

Context matters as you have illustrated.

My number might have been considered high but I didn't care if I lived or died when I was racking up the numbers.

Being surprised by meeting my wife changed my outlook and, desiring to live at that point, I didn't want anyone but her from that point on.

Had you had a different background you may well have had a much lower count.

 

[minimalME]

Mr D knows everything. Whatever he asked I would answer.

Yes - I knew that was coming. 😘

 

[Julie's Husband]

It’s morbid curiosity. I’m sure there are exceptions, but I doubt knowing this type of information makes any relationship stronger or more meaningful.

As some have noted, the higher count for either men or women might suggest the individual has relationship issues and may not be suitable as a lifetime partner.