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Thanks for your advice, I know there is something wrong with me when it comes to drinking, and I'm going to change that for myself and my marriage. I really appreciate your words and taking the time to read me.
I stumbled into your other thread. I am curious if you have kids involved in this? I think some of your concerns are rather warranted given the circumstances and that he lied about it. It's doesn't sound like you put your foot down about it, which is something that needs changed. I would flat walk out the door over that alone!
 

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You don't have as a hot a temper as my wife does. So you actually cave the moments after a fight? My wife can be mad for days and used to even wake me up to keep it going. I'm more like you... after a few rounds I'm tired and ready to make up.
 

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If alcohol is causing your marriage to have these issues, then pick one. Alcohol or your marriage.
 

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Discussion Starter #46
I stumbled into your other thread. I am curious if you have kids involved in this? I think some of your concerns are rather warranted given the circumstances and that he lied about it. It's doesn't sound like you put your foot down about it, which is something that needs changed. I would flat walk out the door over that alone!
We have almost grown kids. After reading your guys advice and words...I need to work on myself, I'm not happy with myself and the way I acted. I think that's the first step. I hope that we grow old together and hope he feels the same, but me worrying about what he's thinking/feeling will just drive me crazy. I need to make myself a better person which in turn should make our marriage better.
 

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How long does it normally take you guys to be back to normal after an argument? He has just said that he needed to leave the situation because I can't leave him alone. I will follow him around and tell him " I'm sorry and lets not fight." He will just say leave me alone and I just want it to be okay... I will even say I'm sorry when it's not me that started it, even if he started it, I will say sorry and want it better right away. I know that's a problem I have.
Generally a day, two days, but so far we're going on 3 days of talking very little, no kissing (at my end). In your situation, I wouldn't follow my husband around. I understand some people like to hash things out quick, but some people need time to think, and I think your husband is that person. So give him time and space after you have a fight, and then when things calm down, then you can discuss.
 

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Discussion Starter #49
So what are you doing about it?
Thanks for reading me Turnera, I'm working on making myself a better person . Right now I'm just disgusted with myself for acting the way I did. I think, I actually I know for him leaving that night and not coming home really opened my eyes...
 

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Discussion Starter #50
You don't have as a hot a temper as my wife does. So you actually cave the moments after a fight? My wife can be mad for days and used to even wake me up to keep it going. I'm more like you... after a few rounds I'm tired and ready to make up.
I just hate fighting and the awkward walking on egg shell feeling afterwards. I think I try to make the situation better too fast.. I don't give him enough time to calm down. I'm literally following him around saying sorry a couple minutes into a fight ( I know that's crazy acting) when he just wants to be left alone. It was a rude awakening him leaving for the night after this fight since I wouldn't leave him alone ( doing the following around saying sorry asking him not to leave ) I need to fix myself when it comes to that and let him have his space after a fight, I really need to do that to make my marriage stay solid. Thanks for reading this.
 

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Discussion Starter #51
Generally a day, two days, but so far we're going on 3 days of talking very little, no kissing (at my end). In your situation, I wouldn't follow my husband around. I understand some people like to hash things out quick, but some people need time to think, and I think your husband is that person. So give him time and space after you have a fight, and then when things calm down, then you can discuss.
You know I always tell myself that, that I'm not going to follow him around and give him space when we get into an argument...and then I do it again. This time is different I know I will give him space if we get in a fight from here on out...him leaving and not coming home that night, made me sick to my stomach to think that it might actually be over because he actually left and he's never done that. I don't want to wreck our marriage, he's my person.
 

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You need to not apologize too quickly. It makes you seem like a pushover and that your opinions are not worthy of respect.
 

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This time is different I know I will give him space if we get in a fight from here on out...him leaving and not coming home that night, made me sick to my stomach to think that it might actually be over because he actually left and he's never done that. I don't want to wreck our marriage, he's my person.
Dear heart, it may not be up to you.

You need to mentally prepare and make some plans to care for you, in the event H is already checked out.

Sad, but may be true. Hang in there.
 

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Discussion Starter #54
Dear heart, it may not be up to you.

You need to mentally prepare and make some plans to care for you, in the event H is already checked out.

Sad, but may be true. Hang in there.
I hope he's not all ready checked out. I've talked with him, on how I'm very disgusted with myself that I made him to the point to have to leave and that this time I'm for sure not going to do that again, that him leaving opened my eyes. I see how he looks at me that he's upset with me and I know it won't be better right away. He always gives me a kiss before we leave in the morning and before we go to bed...and he is still doing that, he's even pulled me to lay by him...do you think he would do this if we was completely checked out?
 
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