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Discussion Starter #1
Just want to hear other couples when it comes to getting in an argument with your person. My husband and I don't get in big augments/fights unless we've had some drinks and it's not every time we have drinks. But when we do get into it....it's over something that isn't even a big deal...but then it just gets worse because by that time he's mad and I want to make it all better and wont leave him alone even thought he ask me too...I will keep trying to talk to him and say sorry and lets not fight. I know I need to leave him alone at that time but I just can't I need it to better right then and there. I know I should just walk away and leave him alone and I kick myself in the ass the next morning. He's never actually left during a fight but this time he left and stayed at a hotel for the night. I'm so disappointed in myself for not just leaving him alone. Him not coming home really opened my eyes...I don't ever want him to leave for good. I'm just disgusted with myself and I hope that I haven't ruined us for good. He says we are not done, that he wouldn't be here if we were. Anyone else been in this kinda of situation? I also know that it has to do with having some drinks....either it's going to be a good time or it turns bad, we don't get into arguments/fights unless there is drinking involved. Really just want to know if there are other couples out there like this or just how do any of you deal when you guys get into arguments?
 

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Do you both repress your true feelings when you're sober? Do you have poor communication skills with each other? I'm not asking to mock you, but genuinely wondering... for it to only come out when you guys drink, seems like a lot of repressed feelings?
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Do you both repress your true feelings when you're sober? Do you have poor communication skills with each other? I'm not asking to mock you, but genuinely wondering... for it to only come out when you guys drink, seems like a lot of repressed feelings?
We talk about our feelings honestly when we are sober. Its something small that will blow up for example, I made a comment about being on the phone all the time and it just blew up. I know I have a problem, that I can leave him be when I should when he's mad, but I can't help my self I want to make it better, right away...and I know that's not going to happen. I need to work on myself. We don't really drink too much, just sometimes and sometimes it's good and sometimes not. Thanks for responding.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I think maybe it's time to stop drinking if that's the case.
Thanks for reading my post, I know, we don't really drink too much but sometimes when we do it's bad over something small. I just hope I didn't ruin us for good since like I said he has never left and stayed in a hotel, this would have been the 1st time that we've slept apart from each other in 15 years and did not feel good at all.
 

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Thanks for reading my post, I know, we don't really drink too much but sometimes when we do it's bad over something small. I just hope I didn't ruin us for good since like I said he has never left and stayed in a hotel, this would have been the 1st time that we've slept apart from each other in 15 years and did not feel good at all.
I don't want to place any blame, but it seems very much like the alcohol brings out the worst in the "you" as a community sense. I'm sure you didn't ruin anything for good, but it's very concerning that he's never left for the night before or been away for the night before. That problem seems to be escalating and, to me, it would be a wise decision for both of you to put the drinks down a for a while, even if y'all don't drink too much or very much. None might be the best option as to stem the problem at the core.
 

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We talk about our feelings honestly when we are sober. Its something small that will blow up for example, I made a comment about being on the phone all the time and it just blew up. I know I have a problem, that I can leave him be when I should when he's mad, but I can't help my self I want to make it better, right away...and I know that's not going to happen. I need to work on myself. We don't really drink too much, just sometimes and sometimes it's good and sometimes not. Thanks for responding.
Oh, ok, so that makes sense. I would say, back off of him and stop giving unsolicited advice/commentary. My husband does that to me, and it gets annoying real fast, especially if it's the same comments over and over. You won't feel as drained if you back off, and he won't be so annoyed.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I don't want to place any blame, but it seems very much like the alcohol brings out the worst in the "you" as a community sense. I'm sure you didn't ruin anything for good, but it's very concerning that he's never left for the night before or been away for the night before. That problem seems to be escalating and, to me, it would be a wise decision for both of you to put the drinks down a for a while, even if y'all don't drink too much or very much. None might be the best option as to stem the problem at the core.
Thanks so much for your words. I agree and I did tell him this that it's my fault, I know that I should leave you alone when your mad but I just want to make it better right then in there...drinking and me don't mix sometimes. I'm not going to doing it anymore, it's not worth him leaving for good. Have you ever been so mad or disgusted with your person but still wanted to be with them? I have such this disgust feeling with myself that I acted the way I did to make him have to leave.
 

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Are you sure you are not my ex?? Do you have undiagnosed co-dependence issues? You are driving him away.
 

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Thanks so much for your words. I agree and I did tell him this that it's my fault, I know that I should leave you alone when your mad but I just want to make it better right then in there...drinking and me don't mix sometimes. I'm not going to doing it anymore, it's not worth him leaving for good. Have you ever been so mad or disgusted with your person but still wanted to be with them? I have such this disgust feeling with myself that I acted the way I did to make him have to leave.
I have, yes, absolutely. I know how hard that can be and my heart goes out to you that this is all happening with you guys. It's not easy, but it can get better with the work involved.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Oh, ok, so that makes sense. I would say, back off of him and stop giving unsolicited advice/commentary. My husband does that to me, and it gets annoying real fast, especially if it's the same comments over and over. You won't feel as drained if you back off, and he won't be so annoyed.
Have you guys been in a bad argument where you thought he was done? It really hurt that he left and didn't come home that night, I can't stop thinking he's really done with me since he's never left...but he says he's not. I know I need to not say anything or if says anything to me just don't say anything back to cause a fight. Thanks for taking the time to read this. It's nice to be able to talk to all of you on here, I really don't have anyone to talk to, so this is nice, thanks.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Are you sure you are not my ex?? Do you have undiagnosed co-dependence issues? You are driving him away.
I do think I have some of those traits. I know it's me and I'm going to stop drinking because if he we have any kinda of argument it's only happening sometimes when we drink. I don't want to drive him away and I hope it's not too late. Since you had an ex like me, do you think it's too late? Would he have come home and said that he still wants to be together if he's really done?
 

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Discussion Starter #13
I have, yes, absolutely. I know how hard that can be and my heart goes out to you that this is all happening with you guys. It's not easy, but it can get better with the work involved.
Thanks for your kind words. I plan on not drinking since this is if or when anything bad happens. I don't want to ruin what we have, when it's good it's really good.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
sorry i think i posted my reply twice, just thanks for all you taking the time to read this and all of your words are eye opening and helpful...without being able to post on here and here what all you have to say would drive me crazy. It really helps to have all you to talk too.
 

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I do think I have some of those traits. I know it's me and I'm going to stop drinking because if he we have any kinda of argument it's only happening sometimes when we drink. I don't want to drive him away and I hope it's not too late. Since you had an ex like me, do you think it's too late? Would he have come home and said that he still wants to be together if he's really done?
My ex would get drunk, then get verbally abusive and nag about the smallest things. I left MANY times to escape it. You are going to have to figure out why you are not good just doing you, and not worry as much about your partner.

You mentioned he is on the phone a lot, so he might have his own issues.

No, I doubt it is too late, but you will have to take steps the change things. Once I got to the point of leaving, my brain was checking out. Would you want to be around someone that you know is going to chew on you about 'something' and never give you space to breathe?
 

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Let me give you an analogy. Imagine someone gave you a bunch of hugs and kisses, then steps back, slaps you in the face hard enough to knock your teeth loose, then comes right back in for some hugs and then wonders why you don't want any. It is a sadistic pattern. She could ruin a fun evening in a blink.....
 

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Let me give you an analogy. Imagine someone gave you a bunch of hugs and kisses, then steps back, slaps you in the face hard enough to knock your teeth loose, then comes right back in for some hugs and then wonders why you don't want any. It is a sadistic pattern. She could ruin a fun evening in a blink.....
You were married to her too?!? :oops:
 

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Let me give you an analogy. Imagine someone gave you a bunch of hugs and kisses, then steps back, slaps you in the face hard enough to knock your teeth loose, then comes right back in for some hugs and then wonders why you don't want any. It is a sadistic pattern. She could ruin a fun evening in a blink.....
you just described my marriage, lol
 

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Discussion Starter #19
My ex would get drunk, then get verbally abusive and nag about the smallest things. I left MANY times to escape it. You are going to have to figure out why you are not good just doing you, and not worry as much about your partner.

You mentioned he is on the phone a lot, so he might have his own issues.

No, I doubt it is too late, but you will have to take steps the change things. Once I got to the point of leaving, my brain was checking out. Would you want to be around someone that you know is going to chew on you about 'something' and never give you space to breathe?
Thank you, I'm going to work on myself., I'm very disgusted with myself that I made it to the point that night that he had to leave and feel horrible about it. We've probably been in 5 fights like this in the past 15 years we've been together but this was the 1st for him to leave. The 1st time you left, were you done in your head? What made you stay for as long as you did?
 

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You were married to her too?!? :oops:
Nope that is the one where people here call me a "commitment phobe". I had good reason not to marry that one. My stupidity was in thinking she would change. She never will. Convinced it is normal. If I shared my true feelings about her, I would be kicked off the forums. She is a horrible human being! Not was, IS!
 
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