About 10 days ago I found out that my wife of 8 years and partner of 15 years had kissed another guy on 3 admitted occasions. I found this out by chance, just looking through her facebook friends. She has never been secrective and always keeps facebook open. I am on facebook but don't really even know how it works. I usually send birthday and holiday wishes through her and her fb account, When clicking on a coworker of hers I noticed a conversation. After reading it, it was clear she had kissed him after a Christmas party in 2009, as that is when the convo was dated. I was devestated.
We have 3 young kids aged 5, 4, and 2. She is so family oriented and so down to earth, this was the last thing I expected. I took this all in, waiting for her to come home. Afterthe kids were in bed I confronted her that I had information that she had kissed another guy after the Christmas party. She was blindsided herself, not knowing where I could have found out. She fessed up quickly saying she kissed a guy a the Christmas party, but lied and said he didn't work with her and worked for a law firm (my wife works in a courthouse and it is not unusual for lawyerrs and their staff to go to the court party). I went along with that story, she even used his real first name when fessing up. This is where the lies started to pile up.
My wife said she didn't know the guys last name and it was a one time thing. Her not knowing his last name would have set off an alarm as it is not like her to not know everything about everybody. When I confronted her that I knew the guy's name and that they worked together, she fell silent. She then told me that it was nothing and that they don't even work in the same department (true) and she didn't want me to think anything more was happening. She figured that if I thought they didn;t work together it would be easier for me to deal with. Something still bothered me.
The way somebody I trust more than anybody in the world could lie to me so easily, right to my face was disturbing. I kept on pushing the issue, asking if it really was a one time thing, how it happened, etc. Of course alcohol was involved and she said we had been arguing a lot at that time. She didn't use those as excuses. She owned up to being wrong. She swore it was a one time thing. I could still see the guilt on her face and called her bluff. She had no idea where I had gotten my info from, so she was unsure what I knew. Fianlly after 2 hours of back and forth, swearing it only happened once, I got her to admit she also kissed him during the 2008 party. To make a long story short, after more swearing that was it I elicited a third confession the next day. With the lies piling up, I didn't recognize the person in front of me. I was hurt, devestated,and pissed.
I will summarize to where we stand now. According to her, the 2008 kiss was the first and was enjoyed and encouraged. The second kiss happened after a party, was short after he walked her to the subway. The last kiss was the 2009 party which I found the convo about. She says she pulled away, thinking it could never happen again.
My wife swears the was no sex or oral sex. She was upfront about him feeling her up during the first kiss. She told me only one other person knew about what happened with her and the other guy, a female coworker. I then, without warning, text her friend pretending to be my wife. I text her friend to see if the info matched up. It did. I text and told her that a polygraph test was being scheduled. Her friend responded that it was a bit extreme for a few kisses but to do what it would take to save the marriage.
My wife actually called to schedule the polygraph test herself. She says she has now told me everything. She seems extremly remorseful and guilt ridden. I want to believe her but the ease and frequency at which she lied hurts. She says it was to protect me. She also said she would prefer that I don't confront teh other guy or his wife, but would understand if I did. She seems willing to take her medicine.
To tell the truth, the kisses don't really bother me, it is the lies. A person I thought was so trustworthy, such a good person, and do that to the person they love boggles my mind. She kissed another guy, that was married, and expecting a kid of his own, only months after giving birth to a second child herself. All those actions speak against everything she says she stands for.
Sorry for the long post.......oh, what to do.....
We have 3 young kids aged 5, 4, and 2. She is so family oriented and so down to earth, this was the last thing I expected. I took this all in, waiting for her to come home. Afterthe kids were in bed I confronted her that I had information that she had kissed another guy after the Christmas party. She was blindsided herself, not knowing where I could have found out. She fessed up quickly saying she kissed a guy a the Christmas party, but lied and said he didn't work with her and worked for a law firm (my wife works in a courthouse and it is not unusual for lawyerrs and their staff to go to the court party). I went along with that story, she even used his real first name when fessing up. This is where the lies started to pile up.
My wife said she didn't know the guys last name and it was a one time thing. Her not knowing his last name would have set off an alarm as it is not like her to not know everything about everybody. When I confronted her that I knew the guy's name and that they worked together, she fell silent. She then told me that it was nothing and that they don't even work in the same department (true) and she didn't want me to think anything more was happening. She figured that if I thought they didn;t work together it would be easier for me to deal with. Something still bothered me.
The way somebody I trust more than anybody in the world could lie to me so easily, right to my face was disturbing. I kept on pushing the issue, asking if it really was a one time thing, how it happened, etc. Of course alcohol was involved and she said we had been arguing a lot at that time. She didn't use those as excuses. She owned up to being wrong. She swore it was a one time thing. I could still see the guilt on her face and called her bluff. She had no idea where I had gotten my info from, so she was unsure what I knew. Fianlly after 2 hours of back and forth, swearing it only happened once, I got her to admit she also kissed him during the 2008 party. To make a long story short, after more swearing that was it I elicited a third confession the next day. With the lies piling up, I didn't recognize the person in front of me. I was hurt, devestated,and pissed.
I will summarize to where we stand now. According to her, the 2008 kiss was the first and was enjoyed and encouraged. The second kiss happened after a party, was short after he walked her to the subway. The last kiss was the 2009 party which I found the convo about. She says she pulled away, thinking it could never happen again.
My wife swears the was no sex or oral sex. She was upfront about him feeling her up during the first kiss. She told me only one other person knew about what happened with her and the other guy, a female coworker. I then, without warning, text her friend pretending to be my wife. I text her friend to see if the info matched up. It did. I text and told her that a polygraph test was being scheduled. Her friend responded that it was a bit extreme for a few kisses but to do what it would take to save the marriage.
My wife actually called to schedule the polygraph test herself. She says she has now told me everything. She seems extremly remorseful and guilt ridden. I want to believe her but the ease and frequency at which she lied hurts. She says it was to protect me. She also said she would prefer that I don't confront teh other guy or his wife, but would understand if I did. She seems willing to take her medicine.
To tell the truth, the kisses don't really bother me, it is the lies. A person I thought was so trustworthy, such a good person, and do that to the person they love boggles my mind. She kissed another guy, that was married, and expecting a kid of his own, only months after giving birth to a second child herself. All those actions speak against everything she says she stands for.
Sorry for the long post.......oh, what to do.....