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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband(40yrs old) of 12 years left us out of the blue over the phone. It took me a while to get a straight answer out of him but in the end he said... I don't love you anymore and we have just settled in our marriage. He seems to have developed a false reality about who I am and that I should be feeling the same way. It took him 4 weeks to convince himself to leave, during this time he did not express his concerns to me. I believe he is running from his responsibilities or running to someone.

He left a 3 month old behind and two young school age kids. I am very mad that he never gave me a chance to fight for his love. I thought our relationship was fine. He was busy starting his own company and I was taking care of the family. How could he leave his family so easily? My thoughts are to rid him of my life but try to keep his relationship with the kids strong. He has never been a good family man so this will be hard.

It has been 2weeks since he left and I am really fighting to get myself into control and let him go. financially we should be fine and I will make sure he pays dearly. Right now he is willing to give me everything, he just wants to walk away. He will continue paying bills and stuff. Maybe I should get the separation agreement started?

I think he is going through a midlife crisis but it is not an excuse for his behaviour. He lost 20lbs, is growing his hair out and bought a brand new 2 door jeep (doesn't fit the family).

Any advice or thoughts?
 

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From others experiences it sounds like could be another woman. Depending on what you personally want, whether there is or not seems to dictate how best to deal with a walk away spouse.

As for the kids. You cannot keep his relationship with them strong. Only he can do that. You absolutely should be reasonable in facilitating that but I personally have a strong belief that part time non committed parents are not good for a child. By part time i don't mean split custody etc, I mean being there as a parent as and when it suits. My eldest is from my wifes previous relationship and his biological dad is the definition of that. It has seriously confused the lad at times and he is a generally happier child when his useless 'dad' is out the picture. As soon as he reappears, he is confused again.
 

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Most likely there is another woman.

You need to decide whether this is the case. For a variety of reasons.

You are going to have to be the strong one for your kids. You have a rocky road ahead of you.

There's a chance he will try to come back. But you need to know if he's coming back for you or another reason - such as an affair does not work out.

Contact a lawyer immediately to know what you will receive in case of divorce.

Don't plead or reason for him to come back at this point.

Get support from friends and family but be aware of the advice you receive. It can cause more problems for you.

Consider shocking him by filing for divorce. You can always undo it in the process.
 

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sounds like this is a done deal from his perspective and you are there too. if so, then time to get yourself a good attorney and, sadly, as others have suggested, you may need to become inquisitive about his reasons for his actions such as evidence of another person in his life.

good luck
 

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There isn't always another person. My WW left without going to another person.

I would serve him RIGHT AWAY so that her knows you are serious and then go right into no contact. Show him your serious.

I bet he will come crawling back in a few months when he only has limited access to his children and has to look after himself.
 

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Very sorry to hear about your H's crappy walk out Magnite.

And Sad i right. It does not mean there is another person.

But your H was very wrong not to communicate this with you.

What do you want? Your H back or him gone.

Time to make that Pro's and Con's list for yourself.

But get a meeting with an Attorney to know your rights. And if he is spending money on new 2 toys then a Separation agreement with a custody schedule in place is necessary to protect yourself.

Good Luck and let us know how you are making out.

HM64
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks guys, I decided I am not going to pressure him to see the kids but I have him picking them up for swimming once a week. He is not willing to make a schedule and I have to accept that. I have had my suspicions about another women, or at least that is where he is getting his support from. I have asked him who he has talked to about leaving me and he won't tell me. He has told me who it's not... all his friends.

Do I want him back? Right now he doesn't want to so I have to feel that way too. Once I grieve his loss, I don't think I'll want him back, it would take a lot of work.
 
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