[Shirley]

Hi,

When I was first dating my husband and when we got married he had so much patience with my children. My kids (13 & 15) are just normal teenagers, and can try anyone's patience at times. They are good kids, with good hearts, and do well in school. He now says he has "no patience left" for them and if they don't do exactly what he says, exactly when he says, and how he says, he gets very angry. It is at the point where he is saying that he "can't live under the same roof with them anymore". My x-husband lives in a different province (Canada) and would be more then willing to take my children, but I want my children living with me! We have tried family counselling but this has not helped. He keeps butting heads with the kids daily. He often says things like "you aren't capable of that" when the kids want to do something (like my daughter for example baking cookies). I am at my wits end because I don't like the way that he is treating the kids even when they are at fault. How do I deal with this situation???? HELP!!

 

[Beyourownscientist]

I think you need to provide more information. How long have you been married, what marriage is this (1st, 2nd), and other details.

Have you talked about parenting expectations?
Have you talked to your husband about the issues he is having with your kids? Have you attempted to validate his perspective and sought to understand what he is feeling?

 

[Sandy55]

Take your kids and leave. I have a DH like your dh. He will destroy their self esteem and it is a crying shame to watch.

I feel sorry for you. I don't know what makes a man be this way. My dh was this way with my eldest daugher (she was 11 when we married, after the marriage it was a nightmare) and he is this way with his OWN three, I thought he would change...but NO, they do not change, counseling does no good.

He is a bad father. I would just leave now, he has to learn the kids come FIRST. Your kids will love you for it, too.

 

[preso]

Your kids are adults now or what? You have not given many details.

 

[swedish]

Does your H have any kids of his own? If not, it is difficult to be suddenly a step-dad and share your house/life with not only you but children that are already teens...I am in my 2nd marriage (3 kids from the first my H, never before married-no kids) and it was a HUGE adjustment for him.

What helped me was to really listen to how stressed he was and try to alleviate that as much as possible by being more firm with my kids (he should not be the one disciplining them because they are older) ... the other thing was to really talk to him and let him know how much of a positive impact he is and will be in their lives.

We have come leaps and bounds from where we were. I did not think it was possible.