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Hello, I am new to this forum and really needed to find some advice. My husband and I have been married for 13 yrs and have 7 boys. I new before we were married about his past bisexual experiences but assumed that was just curiosity being young.
However now he has brought up wanting to spice things up and me to peg and he be submissive. I was semi-ok with it. After we did try once I found that he had gone on dating sites and was chatting. He also looked at and ad for m4m and replied. He swears he did nothing and was just bored. What should I do or think? Is he still wanting to be with men again? I have tried to deal with it emotionally as best as I can but it just hits me out of the blue and smacks me in the face again, then I am back to being depressed. Can someone please tell me what I should do? Thanks
 

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I think pegging means you wear a strap on and have sex with him? If you knew he was bisexual before you married, then surely you knew even though you were his wife that just a woman probably couldn't be the only one to help satisfy him correct? He isn't going to change who he is just because he married you. Perhaps give the pegging a try, maybe it will satisfy him so he doesn't feel the need to step outside of the marriage.
 

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Well now. Thats plenty to think about.

Pegging... for those that think they want to know...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pegging_(sexual_practice))

Well - if you say you are semi-OK with it - how did it go? Looks like he didnt get his 'fill', as it were.

Have you tried to sit sit down and say ...looks... I am mostly OK with this pegging thing, but answering ads for m-to-m gay sex looks pretty much like cheating. You need to wonder about how many ads he answered that you didnt see.. and that he perhaps acted on. Im not buying the 'bored' thing, thats just a smokescreen.

Can you two talk about this somehow? You need to get an understanding about what is allowed and what isnt, and quick. If he has been 'dabbling'/cheating - you (both) should get tested for peace of mind. Soon.
 

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Hello,
However now he has brought up wanting to spice things up and me to peg and he be submissive. I was semi-ok with it. After we did try once I found that he had gone on dating sites and was chatting. He also looked at and ad for m4m and replied. He swears he did nothing and was just bored.
Even if he in fact did not cheat, he was looking to possibly do so. I doubt he was looking because he was bored. If he is bisexual, I do not think just you, his wife will be able to satisfy him. He has a need for both.
 

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Seven kids? Is that a typo?

If he's into guys, I doubt that getting nailed by his wife is going to satisfy his needs. He will probably continue with his net activities, but he'll be more careful now that you've confronted him. You need to think about your boundaries, and then lay them down in a conversation with him. One should be for him stop going to dating sites and having m4m chats.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Thank you all.. yes 7 boys we have.. I don't buy the bordem reply a bit. I have had my suspicions about it for a while.. I have tried to cope but can't trust him at all.
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If he isn't willing to stop, and you aren't willing to share him with men, then you need to divorce. What do you want??

You do understand he is cheating on you, right?
 

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If he isn't willing to stop, and you aren't willing to share him with men, then you need to divorce. What do you want??

You do understand he is cheating on you, right?
Not sure if he is cheating but you might need to drive home that anything with "anyone" but you is cheating.

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I was hoping to work through this.. one day I'm ok then the next I am back to constantly thinking about what I found and if he really did do things etc.. he and I both know there is a 0 trust factor with him. That alone is worrisome enough!
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he and I both know there is a 0 trust factor with him. That alone is worrisome enough!
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If that's the case, go get tested for STDs, and don't let him near you without protection. That may sound extreme, but he may have already hooked up with a guy or two.
 

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Hey Justa,

I think it is time for another serious talk and lay everything out on the table. I think you have handled this incredibly well and I think you can build on the last serious conversation you had in a very positive way.

I suggest you make him understand, that if he does not already understand, that there is a boundary that has been set (remind him if he does not get it) and that if he crosses it then it is a deal breaker. What you want from him is honesty and can he honestly tell you he will act with complete fidelity in regards to your relationship. Remind him that you are trusting him with your health and the future of his family.

My sense it that you would be able to do this in a loving manner letting him know you are forgiving for the past indiscretion you discovered but that is where it ends.

If he was bold enough to ask you if you would peg him then he should trust you enough to be vulnerable to the degree he can discuss entirely what is going on in his head now.
 

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If that's the case, go get tested for STDs, and don't let him near you without protection. That may sound extreme, but he may have already hooked up with a guy or two.
we will.. thank you.. I didn't think I would have this much feedback. It is greatly appreciated!!:smthumbup:
 

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If you had just said that your H suggested pegging, I would have defended him saying that it is not gay or bi at all and having your wife do it makes it just a spicy sex act.

Prostate massage is supposed to give an incredible orgasm and I, for one, am dying to see how it feels. Pegging is kind of a hardcore way to get that done; most start out with something smaller like a finger.

But because you said that he had bi experiences in the past and now is looking online for men, it appears that the pegging was an attempt to keep it in the house and get off on what really makes him tick.
 

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Well.. we had a very looong talk last night. He said he will be totally honest. Told me certain things about his past I didn't know and said that all he wants is me. The chats online were just an impulse thing and a feeling of the "thrill of the hunt". Said he doesn't want to step out of the relationship or bring anyone in. Said he doesn't consider himself bisexual.. just sexual!!! Istill don't know what to think or how to take it?? He did say he is not oppose to sex with guy or girl but doesn't want anyone but me. I don't understand???:scratchhead:
 

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Well.. we had a very looong talk last night. He said he will be totally honest. Told me certain things about his past I didn't know and said that all he wants is me. The chats online were just an impulse thing and a feeling of the "thrill of the hunt". Said he doesn't want to step out of the relationship or bring anyone in. Said he doesn't consider himself bisexual.. just sexual!!! Istill don't know what to think or how to take it?? He did say he is not oppose to sex with guy or girl but doesn't want anyone but me. I don't understand???:scratchhead:
I call BS on it. I think he will continue to look for what it is he is looking for but just be better at hiding it. I'm not saying he doesn't love you or anything, I'm sure he does. BUT I think you can only give him but so much when it comes to sex. I think if he just wanted to peg that would be ok and cured his curiosity but I have a feeling thats not the case.
 
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