Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 10 of 10 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I learned through personal experience how birth order can lay a weak foundation for a marriage.

As a middle child/second daughter who married a first-born/only son I found that my husband often seemed to see me as his "little sister" (he has a younger sister). The trouble was that we were well grown when we were married, and it was as if he had learned how to relate to "girls" when he was little and never unlearned whatever he had learned as a boy who was six years older than his sister.

As a middle-child, younger sister, it appears I may have been too independent and strong for this particular match-up.

This sounds obnoxious, I know, but in the interest of the conversation I hope to get started: There were many areas in which I was more knowledgeable than he, and yet he did not have the respect for my "grown-up-ness" enough to ever be able or willing to listen (and even consider that I may be right).

I thought others may like to discuss birth order and compatability,particlarly if they - like I did - discovered the issue too late.

Note: I've seen that much of what is written about birth order is not particularly correct, and I've spend much time analyzing my own place in my birth family in order to figure out the weakness in the foundation of my marriage.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
25 Posts
I'm actually really interested in this just for the sake of how correct this can be for me.
I've never analyzed my own birth order, I'm the first born daughter and I'm not at all the bossy or strong one in the family with 4 other siblings below me. I think my sister (2nd born daughter and 3rd in a series) is far more independent and strong. I'm probably more sub then anyone in the family lol! If I upset someone or I bump in to someone by accident I apologize profusely when I really dont have to lol! Maybe characteristically I should be more bossy being the top child?

As for my relationship with my husband me being 7 years younger then him and being the first one born in my family--hes the 3rd born of 4 and the first male. I think for a long time he thought of himself as fatherly of me (which I always thought was because of our age difference he was 30 i was 21) when I was still trying to "find" myself. He'd help me out with money if I needed it or he'd scold me if I did something stupid and hed forgive me far more then he should have for other things I'd done to him in the past before we got married, so I'm not sure how it would suit us--the birth order thing. If anyone is good at it I'd love to be analyzed itd be really interesting to be "figured out" just for curiosity sake.

To the original poster--do you have any sources on where to read up on this type of thing? Birth orders? There seems to be a plethora of information but which one is the best and gets to the point is what I'm looking for ;)
thx for starting this post too btw! Very interesting!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
I'm a youngest child married to a first born. It's hard sometime, he wants to be the boss all the time. It's getting really old.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
192 Posts
i am a first born daughter and my significant other is a first born male. we've been together almost a deacde. and i do notice lately that at times he starts treating me like his little sisters who are 10 and 5. (his father remarried a stepmom and when he was in his late teens he had little sisters)

in the beginning i was pretty much the boss since i knew exactly what i wanted. then it shifted power roles. now....he's "the boss" at times and other times i am pretty bossy myself and we do butt heads.

i am the eldest of 4 siblings and my 2nd sibling tries to overcome my role and i usually let her unless i see fit according to a certain situation. my 3rd sibling tries also to have the boss role, but it doesnt work and as for my fourth sibling, because she analyzes a lot her role is bumped up equal to my second sibling or even above her.

as for my eldest role among friends... my friends are usually all eldest as well. one middle child (who always acts as the boss in the group) and one or two are youngest childs.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
26 Posts
I believe in my case, birth order is irrelevant because in one household I was the only child and in the other house I was a middle child (parents divorced and remarried). Hubby is the oldest of four, and quite bossy! LOL He's also the most accomplished and successful of the four siblings. I think that's somewhat typical of birth order? not sure.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,278 Posts
My husband and I are both second in birth order & although both independent and opinionated, have high respect for one another. My ex was first born and treated me more like a mother than a wife--not bossy or take-charge at all, but I would attribute that to his upbringing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
124 Posts
I believe in my case, birth order is irrelevant because in one household I was the only child and in the other house I was a middle child (parents divorced and remarried). Hubby is the oldest of four, and quite bossy! LOL He's also the most accomplished and successful of the four siblings. I think that's somewhat typical of birth order? not sure.
I have the same problem sorting out what my birth order should be. For several years I was the youngest with one older brother, (half- or whatever brother you call it--he's always been just my big bro), who was seven years older than me.When my big bro left home, I became the only child for several years. Then my little brother was born when I was 10 y.o. so I became the oldest sister but also the middle child. My youngest brother came along two years later...so I guess my placement is youngest, middle, oldest...how do I know which?
My husband is the youngest child of two boys. His bro was a selfish, misogynistic jerk, but my husband is very respectful to women, very understanding and giving. I don't know if that has anything to do with birth order?
Kind of related to this discussion is something I realized a few years ago, I was the only girl with three brothers and I think that gave me a very good insight to the way males tick; they have never been a mystery to me, and I actually prefer the company of males, usually. Females are more of a mystery to me, actually...:scratchhead:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
35 Posts
I am the youngest child, and my husband is the oldest. It is hard. He acts like he is always right, and always knows the best way to do things.
I , on the other hand, get frustrated with that. Plus being the youngest and only girl(Have 2 older brothers)I got babied a lot...;). Sometimes I still feel like I deserve to be the princess;)
 
1 - 10 of 10 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top