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Okay, sooo.. I was supposed to add my fiance to my account last week, I called they said I could do it over the phone and he said to wait. So, I waited. Well friday comes along and he says "Okay, monday morning you have to add me. Because of funds and if you don't I won't be able to go on my trip." and I said, "Okay, that's fine. I will."

Here began the problem:
First: the lady at the bank was WRONG you cannot add a person to your account over the phone.

Second: because I didn't find this out sooner, I pretty much FUBARED everything he had worked for.

He got mad because I found out we had to go in to the bank to do it. We live 100 miles from the bank. He yelled and said his check went through last night and midnight, last I heard it wouldn't be available til 3PM today... he screamed at me so loud and told me that "I was sitting on my fat ass instead of doing what he told me to do." I argued, we argued... and he ended up so mad at me no matter how much I was sorry.

He told me to shut up and go away, leave him alone and go away. So I did... but then I decided that I wasn't going to just go away, like he could shoo me like a puppy. So I came back and I said, "I'm not going away just because you told me to. Don't treat me like a child." he said, "Seriously, just go away I've never hit a woman in my life but I'm getting pretty close." and I said, "You're going to hit me if I don't go away?" he said, "I will slap you across the face all over this house, don't test me. I may act goofy half of the time but I am capable."

I said, "I'm not going to leave just because you tell me to." he said, "Then you need to find somewhere else to live. If you're not going to do what I tell you to do."

I was stricken.. I couldn't believe those words came from his mouth. I have no choice, either I obey or I kicked out onto the street with credit cards he MAXED out and the love I never felt I had.

I know I'm in the wrong, because I didn't do what he told me to do and I was watching TV and I should have just gotten up and done it. But... I don't know I just feel like a work horse like something he can just throw away whenever he gets sick of me.

He called me a queen b*i*t*c*h and said I'm just like my mother, I leave things til the last minute. I have so many things going on that I can't keep them all straight.... I'm depressed and I seriously hoped that I had a gun today so I could just end it. In fact he made me feel like I should. 20 minutes later he was talking my ear off about the guy who's fixing his truck.

Tell me if I'm wrong, or stupid or a b*i*t*c*h but I'm just so confused right now... I don't know if I'm being a bad woman by not doing what I'm told or what am I supposed to do???
 

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Well, you've seen how your life will be during hard times/mistake.

Still want it?

I wouldn't.

The bank issues isn't your biggest mistake. But...marrying him WILL be. He has anger issues. I've made HUGE mistakes and my husband has never called me out of name, or yelled at me.
 

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I agree with the other poster.....GET OUT and GET OUT NOW!

That will NOT be your biggest mistake ever. Crap happens....but to be treated like that for it is unacceptable. What happens if you get in a car accident with his vehicle. Your 'fault' or not, it is called an accident for a reason (unless your driving drunk...then you are stupid! ;) ). Realy, mistakes will happen....late payments, bounced checks, forget to do something 'thats so so important'.

How is he gonna react then? What happens if/when you have kids and your child falls and gets hurt? I bet that will be your fault to for not being a good enough mom! Don't take this.....this is just the beginning. I have been there done that in an abusive relationship.....GET OUT!

Good luck whatever you decide. And trust me....I am surviving and thriving despite all odds.....if I can do it....anyone can! When I kicked out my ex I had NO money.....huge debt....five kids....I am surviving.....I am in the midst of creating a great future..... :) YOU CAN DO IT! WITHOUT THIS MAN TREATING YOU BADLY!!!
 
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What you saw is a warning. You were lucky enough to see it before you married him. It will get worse after you marry, it always does. Abusive people seem to feel that being married is a license to abuse.

I agree with the others, leave. Do you have somewhere to go? Leave as soon as you can. If you don't you will have taught him that it's ok to treat you that way.
 

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He told me to shut up and go away, leave him alone and go away. So I did... but then ... I came back and I said, "I'm not going away just because you told me to. Don't treat me like a child." he said, "Seriously, just go away I've never hit a woman in my life but I'm getting pretty close." and I said, "You're going to hit me if I don't go away?" he said, "I will slap you across the face all over this house, don't test me. I may act goofy half of the time but I am capable."
This was a mistake. If a man is in front of you, angry, raging and tells you to go away - Go Away.. Do not go back into the room and set things off even more, this is how it escalates into violence. Say what you want to say the next day when everybody is calmer.

I have had to counsel friends through physical abuse and this is something to be aware of to protect yourself. You might be mad and want to stand your ground - don't. You're only going to push him over the edge. Do you want him to slap you? No, of course not. So don't antagonize the situation or think that he won't. Because sometimes they just do.

His reaction is obviously overboard. Has be ever been violent before? Verbally abusive? Or is this a shock out of the blue? I've seen men snap once, out of character, and men for who that is their character.
 

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This was a mistake. If a man is in front of you, angry, raging and tells you to go away - Go Away.. Do not go back into the room and set things off even more, this is how it escalates into violence. Say what you want to say the next day when everybody is calmer.

I have had to counsel friends through physical abuse and this is something to be aware of to protect yourself. You might be mad and want to stand your ground - don't.
I think you need to be a bit careful with your wording. You say 'man' as if all men are prone to violence. My wife often stands her ground, as she should, and has never once been in physical danger.

Not all men are capable of hitting a woman.
 

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I think you need to be a bit careful with your wording. You say 'man' as if all men are prone to violence. My wife often stands her ground, as she should, and has never once been in physical danger.

Not all men are capable of hitting a woman.
I said 'man' because she was referring to her husband.

Never once did I say that all men are capable of hitting a woman. HOWEVER he said he WOULD hit her, so I am saying if he has TOLD you he will do it, leave and don't take the risk by putting yourself in danger and pushing it.

I will argue with my husband til the cows came home and he wouldn't hit me. But if for any reason he said 'if you don't leave right now I will slap you across this room!' I would be angry, disgusted - and leave. It's not a challenge it's a warning.
 

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Pack your things and leave! You'll be sorry if you stick around and you'll be paying through the nose for a divorce.

Your finance will only get worse as time goes on. The above poster is right, he has anger management issues.

He will end up abusing you if you decide to stay. I've made the mistake of marrying that man, to divorce in a year.

I'm much happier now. The last 12 years my husband has always put my needs before his. He puts a lot of effort into our marriage to make it successful. I found true love.
 

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Don't mean to sound like a jerk but you are blessed to see this side of him before marriage. These things usually surfaces soon after marriage.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
 

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Just to add my voice to the chorus that is coming...leave.

Things will never get better, only worse. Get out now.
 

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like others said, leave - he is abusing you in multitudes of ways. Do not let him bully you into opening a joint account with him he will just rob you blind. Run don't walk. you are not the bad one in that relationship.
 

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I'm sorry you're going through this but it's good that you saw this before you got married. It's probably for the best that you didn't add him to your account. People make mistakes, he has no right to call you names, threaten you with violence and demean you. Try to find a domestic violence shelter, they will be able to help you relocate and stsy safe.
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"Someone" was truly looking out for you. Be thankful he didn't get added to your checking account. Cut your losses and run.
 

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I have to be honest.....you're staying even after he threatened to hit you reminded me of a time when I did the same thing with my exH. We were arguing over $1.43. I stood my ground then, even dared him to do it by getting in his face. I told him I might be on the ground after he does it, but when I get up his A** was going to jail. He never did hit me but if he did, he sure could have hurt me! I was thinking with my pride then, not with my head. What I'm telling you is this: I totally understand your wanting to stand your ground against him, but it's not always the safest thing to do. I agree with the others advising you to LEAVE as fast as your little legs will carry you. He sounds dangerous!

And whatever you do, DO NOT add him to your checking account. Once the account is joint, you're both equally responsible for what happens to it; the bank's not going to care who wrote the check/used their debit card. Make him get his own account.

Protect yourself in this situation by removing yourself from it!!!!
 

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He has given you a taste or what your marriage to him will be. He has shattered your self esteem. You think you are wrong and he is more than happy for you to beleive it. The mistake you made is minimal, his reaction was way overboard. How is he gonna react when he needs to deal with really big issues?

This man sounds like a bully and they only get worse the more they have you under their thumb. In five years, ifyou marry him, you will be miserable with a kid or two, alienated from friends and family. People like this man ALWAYS isolate their victim and one day you will realize it.

I know it is easier for us to tell you what to do. But you are talking to some veterans in this manner that have been through the blood and guts and would like to save you from going through the same thing.
 
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