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If it wasn't this woman who seems to be her influence.
Would she want to sleep with any other woman?
She didn't go through with the swinging with a different woman, so it sounds like an infatuation with this woman in particular rather than a desperate need to explore her possible bi curiosity.

Yes when you have these strong sexual awakenings they can seem like you have discovered a true part of yourself.
Like @badsanta said. If this is a true desire and she chooses to bury it to save your relationship, it can lead to depression and anxiety, as it's true that you have to hate yourself for being yourself.

An infatuation with one particular person that she has regular contact with, might take some time and strong boundaries to deal with. The influence is always there. And the need is right now, it's not let's talk about this and see how we feel in a few months time.
It gives her more urgency to her desires.

A general curiosity with the idea or a need might have actually been easier to discuss and deal with, as you could have tested the waters very gently, if you were inclined to do so.

You will have to be clear in your head, as to whether the whole idea of her sexual curiosity is a big no for you. And say that it will lead to divorce.
Or whether it might be a future option, but you need time, and that it can't be with this particular woman as you feel she is more of a threat to your marriage due to the emotional as well as sexual connection, and the bad influence she has been on your marriage so far.
 

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Some very good points. I feel I have done my upmost to keep this relationship alive and well which in turn has caused some issues. I tend to go along with stuff like swinging to keep her happy. Iv expressed my feelings somewhat but get shot down by her saying “your a head ****” because I go along with these things and don’t say what I feel. It feels like she wants me to put my foot down but at the same time let her have her freedom. I’m not trying to put her down it’s just a very odd situation for me.
Say it like this, 'I don't share my W with any man or woman." Then walk away.
 

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I think you should focus on your sex with her. Once a month is not cutting it, especially if she has a desire to go outside the marriage.

Have more sex. Go down on her. Do anal sex. Be more aggressive. Have fun. Make her forget about other people.
 

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I do not know all of the specifics of your relationship, but I can tell you this with 100% certainty...you cannot MAKE your wife happy. Happiness is a choice for each person. Yes, you can do things to contribute to it, but she has to decide if she is happy or not. As someone who has spent 20 years of her life trying to make someone happy who moves from one obsession to the next, I assure you, it cannot be done.

Now as far as her exploring other pastures. Unless you want to do it with her, and I mean TRULY want to do it, don't. If she threatens to walk over you saying no, by all means, let her. I speak from very recent personal experience. My husband wanted to do the same and foolishly, I went against my nature and gave in. Now we are on the verge of divorce and he doesn't even realize it. It has completely destroyed me and I have fallen out of love with him and another man has fallen for me. It is an unholy mess. If BOTH people are not fully into that lifestyle, it will most certainly end in disaster. Do not agree to this in an effort to make her happy. She's seeing how much rope you will give her. You will end up feeling used and the resentment will become unbearable.
 

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Your wife sounds like shes enamored with the idea of having sex with someone else, or at the very least a woman. You should set a boundary with her about having sex or even sexual conversations with the people she wanted to have sex with if you're not ok with it. I'd try to have an honest conversation with her about her sexuality and fetishes. She may be realizing she's gay or bi, she may be attempting polygamy consensually, or she may just be feeling sexually repressed and want to try new things - one of which being swinging or lesbian sex. If she's gay, there's not much you can do about that. If she wants polygamy and you don't then you two need to come to an agreement that doesn't involve you being trampled over. If she's feeling sexually repressed, try new things together but keep the fantasy in fantasy.
 

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She's already in love with this woman and, probably, has already had sex with her. Now she's looking for permission so she can do it with a clear conscience or now the other woman wants the husband to join.
 

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I think it is time your wife grew up and stopped playing this game. you also have 2 kids to consider. You are not happy with a third party in the picture. Why can't your wife be monogamous? Tell her if she cannot then maybe it is time you considered other options yourself and found someone who will have no issues just being with you.
You have given her far too much leeway, it is all about her. You have not set any boundaries. You are so worried about losing her you refuse to push back and stand your ground. This is not going to end well because as you get older, more problems arise, she will want to take more and more and you will get less and less. Time you started thinking about the rest of your life and what YOU want. Time for your wife to also consider her future. She cannot have her cake and eat it, she is married with two kids. If she wants freedom to **** other people (regardless of whether they are women) then set her free and tell her you are considering setting her free.
You are young enough to start over with someone who doesn't need anyone else but you.
Incidendally your wife wants to cheat and let you know about it, this is a ****ty place to put anyone least of all someone you say you love. Stop letting her away with this.
 

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She's already in love with this woman and, probably, has already had sex with her. Now she's looking for permission so she can do it with a clear conscience or now the other woman wants the husband to join.
Go see a lawyer and tell her you are filing for divorce. Time to go scorched earth. Why are you accepting this? You are young with your whole life ahead of you, why put up with this.
 

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She's moved on.
If I were in your position, I would simply lawyer up, have her served, and then assess what you have and can it be saved? (if that is your goal.)
IMO, it really doesn't matter if she is bi. She (I assume freely) chose to be married to you. Her getting a "bit on the side" is infidelity, and essentially voids your marriage contract. If you find that troubling, it is incumbent upon you to remove yourself from the situation.
The best way to find out if she really wants to be with you is to put the onus on her to save the marriage.
 

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Well, it's your call where this goes.

If you can't handle a wife that wants to have sex with other people, male or female, lawyer up and have her served with divorce papers. The ball would then be in her court. She either signs the papers now, or, she pledges to stop this nonsense, now and forever. If she transgresses on her pledge, she knows that you will require her to sign the divorce papers immediately.

Your wife isn't the only one that can step out on your marriage. You need to evaluate whether the idea of having sex with other people appeals to you. If it does appeal, then inform your wife of your intentions to play too. She needs to know that what's good for her, is good for you too.

If you both agree to an open marriage, a complete set of rules and boundaries should be drafted. Both of you should agree to these rules and boundaries and STICK to THEM. Once there is aggreement, have fun, however both of you should be checked for STDs regularly.

And, just remember, no matter which way this goes, the priority should be on supporting the welfare of the children.

JMHO.
 

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How is your relationship otherwise? If it is good in all places but this, then do not even think about divorce. You may regret it. Ask her for an honest answer, has she been with her already? If not you still have trust which is fundamental. Then either put your foot down now and say no, or let her have her fling and move beyound it. Personally, if it was my wife, I would let her experiment if she has been honest about it. But I would never be jealous of another woman.
 

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If you’re still around op, I’d like to give my two cents. Firstly, you stated in one ofyour posts that she’s a great mom! I beg to differ, a great mom doesn’t f up her childrens lives by engaging in an affair. Secondly, how does the POSOW‘s husband figure in thi game? Will he be part of a three some, they are swingers after all. Thirdly, I’d like to roughly paraphrase one of the respected poster on TAM, I believe it was Decorum who said “ never lend out your bicycle or your wife, they always both come back damaged”.

That being said, I wish you well.

OT
 

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I'm not sure if you are still following this thread but I'll just throw this out there anyway in case you curl back around or in case someone else is going through something similar.

This is actually a very serious if not dire situation. This is more than some kind of kinky bisexual curiosity with a sexy coworker. She is having actually feelings and yearnings for someone else and is at minimum questioning her love and desire for you.

An additional threat is that you have been together since 15 and teen romances rarely last this long on a good day. Her curiosities and yearnings for variety and whatever else is out there is not only normal, but probably downright healthy as well. lifelong monogamy is an artificial, manmade construct. People were never designed to live happily ever after with their sophomore homecoming date.

I have some advice for the immediate short term as longer term strategy.

In the immediate term, you need to grow some giblets and a spine and stand up for your own best interests. If you don't want her getting down with swingers or rubbing up against other women or men - Frick'n say so!! Establish and enforce your own personal boundaries. You have basic right to not share you wife with other people and to not enable that lifestyle.

Yes, she has a right to screw whoever she wants but you do not have to remain married to her and support her and afford her the benefits of marriage while she does it.

I would also suggest bumping up your game and pumping up the volume of your home sex life. If she balks or says she's not in the mood or too tired or no interest in sex with you - bad times ahead Bro.

And lastly, even though this is not what you want to hear , I would recommend you start gearing yourself up to be a divorced, single man and single part time father. Start getting your ducks in a row and start getting your affairs in order (no pun intended).

See a lawyer now and start getting info on the divorce laws in your jurisdiction and finding out what your actual rights and responsibilities are if she were to leave you or if you were to decide you can't live with this.

Start preparing to move on with your own life. Ask yourself what you would do if she were to leave you tomorrow or be killed in a car wreck on the way home - - - then start doing that.

Get your legal and financial ducks in a row so she can't financially destroy you or take your kids away from you. Be prepared and able to defend yourself and your interests in a divorce.

Then get yourself into the gym and get yourself dateable and able to get back on the dating market at some point down the road if she is gone.

I know that sounds harsh, but I am just being realistic.

Most 15 year old BF and GFs break up at 16 and have a series of short and long term relationships over a period of years until they start getting serious about settling down and having marriage/home and family in their late 20s or even early 30s. Both of you have missed that process. She is clearly wanting to go there.

You may not want to go there but you may not have a choice in the matter if she goes for it.

Start circling your wagons and get yourself prepared.
 
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