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Best way to divorce my wife...

864488 Views 1215 Replies 185 Participants Last post by  BetrayedDad, 
BetrayedDad
I recently found out my wife has been sleeping with her boss (how cliche) for the last six months. She doesn't know I know yet but she suspects something is wrong. (I'm not a pathelogical liar like she is and can't hide my emotions as well.)

My attorney basically told me it would be in my best interest, and in getting joint custody of my children, to do this as civilized as possible. He told me to wait until the next marriage counselling session, which is a week from now :( and announce it to her then.

The boss is married so I really want to tell his wife (who just had a baby not long ago mind you) but I'm hesitant now because it will only piss her off and drag this out longer than it needs to be. He said if I decide to make this ugly from the get go then it will cost me big down the road.

Suggestions? If I report them to the bosses wife and their HR dept will it be worth the blowback of a custody and house battle over a short term revenge gratification on my part? It's killing me trying to be the bigger person when I was being treated like a jerk for so long.
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notmyjamie
SunCMars said:
I personally have this fear of ladies who are single, divorced (whatever) and who have this really great sex drive.

Can they be trusted to remain in any long term relationship?

Be careful what you ask for.

I fully expect to be pounded for this statement. :cool:


Nemesis-
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I have a good sex drive. My number of lifetime partners is well below the average and I’ve never cheated on anybody. Not even when my gay exH refused me for over 6 years.

Been with my BF now for 2 1/2 years…haven’t cheated…and have no plans to do so. If, for some reason, he stops providing what I need (love, attention, companionship, and yes, sex) I will break it off before I go find someone else…just like I did with my now exH. Thankfully. I don’t see that happening.
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LisaDiane
SunCMars said:
I personally have this fear of ladies who are single, divorced (whatever) and who have this really great sex drive.

Can they be trusted to remain in any long term relationship?

Be careful what you ask for.

I fully expect to be pounded for this statement. :cool:


Nemesis-
Click to expand...
notmyjamie said:
I have a good sex drive. My number of lifetime partners is well below the average and I’ve never cheated on anybody. Not even when my gay exH refused me for over 6 years.

Been with my BF now for 2 1/2 years…haven’t cheated…and have no plans to do so. If, for some reason, he stops providing what I need (love, attention, companionship, and yes, sex) I will break it off before I go find someone else…just like I did with my now exH. Thankfully. I don’t see that happening.
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I also have a high sex drive, but it's not for ANY guy...I can only think about and desire ONE guy at a time. I've always been that way. And even when my STBX wasn't sexually satisfying for me, I didn't think of other men. Even when guys flirted with me or hit on me, it made me sad (not excited), because I would wonder why my STBX didn't want me like those men seemed to.

My high drive and desire for sex was focused on HIM, and I couldn't imagine sex with anyone else.
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L
SunCMars said:
I personally have this fear of ladies who are single, divorced (whatever) and who have this really great sex drive.

Can they be trusted to remain in any long term relationship?

Be careful what you ask for.

I fully expect to be pounded for this statement. :cool:


Nemesis-
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I don't understand this at all. Like, it makes no logical sense.

Unless a woman is cheating, ALL women are single until they find a partner to have a relationship with. Right?

Why would a man want to find and subsequently partner with in a relationship or marriage a single woman with a LOW sex drive???? Unless of course he didn't have a sex drive and is searching for a sexless relationship.

So, ????? What?
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notmyjamie
LisaDiane said:
I also have a high sex drive, but it's not for ANY guy...I can only think about and desire ONE guy at a time. I've always been that way. And even when my STBX wasn't sexually satisfying for me, I didn't think of other men. Even when guys flirted with me or hit on me, it made me sad (not excited), because I would wonder why my STBX didn't want me like those men seemed to.

My high drive and desire for sex was focused on HIM, and I couldn't imagine sex with anyone else.
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Exactly!!!!

I also wonder…is a man with a high sex drive also a bad choice for a relationship?
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A
OP,

I just read your thread and I'm sorry how it all went down and I'm happy that you made lemonade out of lemons.

GREAT job on your kids. You really stepped up to the plate for them and you should be proud.

Just curious whether you know what happened to your ex-wife's boss and his wife.

Did she ever divorce him?
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Divinely Favored
LisaDiane said:
I also have a high sex drive, but it's not for ANY guy...I can only think about and desire ONE guy at a time. I've always been that way. And even when my STBX wasn't sexually satisfying for me, I didn't think of other men. Even when guys flirted with me or hit on me, it made me sad (not excited), because I would wonder why my STBX didn't want me like those men seemed to.

My high drive and desire for sex was focused on HIM, and I couldn't imagine sex with anyone else.
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Exactly..I am also a dance with the one you brought. Once had a GF(34) try to loan me(23) to her bestie(35) for the night. Back from the club and GF's BFF(tall brunette, nurse) walked in the bedroom in her black teddy and stockings and asked what I thought about sleeping in her room tonight, with GFs consent. I declined as I am a one woman man.....when I'm done I'm done....If another is with a girl after me, I will never go back to her.
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Joyceimma
Hmmm.... this is touching
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Rob_1
Divinely Favored said:
I declined as I am a one woman man.....when I'm done I'm done....If another is with a girl after me, I will never go back to her.
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I have actually experienced, and done exactly as you in the two situations exposed above. Same motto.
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BetrayedDad
Asterix said:
I wanted to suggest that you may want to consider building a bridge with him for the sake of your kids. Do some bonding activities like fishin', huntin', bowling balls, playing videogames (whatever it is that you both do). This could give you additional leverage in your co-parenting situations. This could help improve your kid's situation and it'll be good for your self-realization that you can build a bond with him with a feeling of detachment towards your ex.

On the flip side, you may not want to consider this as well. It's been eight years since you got divorced. So, I'm guessing that your kids are of the ages 13 to 16. Which means it'll only be a couple of years when they'd be 18 and they don't have to visit their mom as often. So, building a bond with him may be moot. It looks like they have a good relationship with him so far without your involvement, and I can't see why that can't continue going forward.

Something for you to think and weigh in.
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I considered this a long time ago but decided I would rather not. Not because I would have any issue with him but it would inevitably lead to more encounter's with my ex-wife. In general, I avoid toxic people in my life whenever possible. I'd also like to believe I would have been okay with this suggestion if the divorce was not due to infidelity but your typical "grown apart" situation.
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BetrayedDad
A18S37K14H18 said:
OP,

I just read your thread and I'm sorry how it all went down and I'm happy that you made lemonade out of lemons.

GREAT job on your kids. You really stepped up to the plate for them and you should be proud.

Just curious whether you know what happened to your ex-wife's boss and his wife.

Did she ever divorce him?
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No idea, after I showed up at her house to "enlighten her", we texted a handful of times over a few months and I never heard from her again.

Last I heard, she suspected multiple infidelities from him and was still planning to try to "work it out", get counseling, etc.

She had JUST had a baby and was from another country natively so I'm sure she felt alone and scared. I suspect she wasn't thinking clearly......
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fluffycoco
Glad to see your update again OP! How is life treating you? Have you found any real single woman to date? :p
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BetrayedDad
fluffycoco said:
Glad to see your update again OP! How is life treating you? Have you found any real single woman to date? :p
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I'm afraid to ask but what's a fake single woman lol?
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fluffycoco
BetrayedDad said:
I'm afraid to ask but what's a fake single woman lol?
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Didn't you mention before that you had dated 2 ladies but found out both of them still in marriage
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BetrayedDad said:
I considered this a long time ago but decided I would rather not. Not because I would have any issue with him but it would inevitably lead to more encounter's with my ex-wife. In general, I avoid toxic people in my life whenever possible. I'd also like to believe I would have been okay with this suggestion if the divorce was not due to infidelity but your typical "grown apart" situation.
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Thank you for your reply. I'm really sorry how things went down for you and how much of an ordeal it was. I'm glad to see that you are doing better now.
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BetrayedDad
fluffycoco said:
Didn't you mention before that you had dated 2 ladies but found out both of them still in marriage
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I don't recall that, all my exgfs were single (until we dated), but then again this thread is really old so maybe I'm forgetting something. Can you site the post where you read that so it can jog my memory?
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BetrayedDad
Asterix said:
Thank you for your reply. I'm really sorry how things went down for you and how much of an ordeal it was. I'm glad to see that you are doing better now.
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Thank you for asking! I appreciate requests for updates... I just don't log in much anymore so it takes a while to reply.
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