Best way to divorce my wife...

864488 Views 1215 Replies 185 Participants Last post by BetrayedDad, 11 mo ago

BetrayedDad

Discussion Starter · Aug 8, 2013

I recently found out my wife has been sleeping with her boss (how cliche) for the last six months. She doesn't know I know yet but she suspects something is wrong. (I'm not a pathelogical liar like she is and can't hide my emotions as well.)

My attorney basically told me it would be in my best interest, and in getting joint custody of my children, to do this as civilized as possible. He told me to wait until the next marriage counselling session, which is a week from now

and announce it to her then.

The boss is married so I really want to tell his wife (who just had a baby not long ago mind you) but I'm hesitant now because it will only piss her off and drag this out longer than it needs to be. He said if I decide to make this ugly from the get go then it will cost me big down the road.

Suggestions? If I report them to the bosses wife and their HR dept will it be worth the blowback of a custody and house battle over a short term revenge gratification on my part? It's killing me trying to be the bigger person when I was being treated like a jerk for so long.

1181 - 1200 of 1216 Posts

Galabar01

· #1,181 · Oct 25, 2021

Just read through this thread. Wow. Epic.

Is the Ex still with the 15 year younger dude?

Talker67

· #1,182 · Oct 25, 2021

BetrayedDad said:
I feel it's been VERY therapeutic for me to put my thoughts and feelings out there, even anonymously. To be able to use TAM as an outlet and be validated has gone a long way in helping me heal.

I never did say how I knew. I guess there's no reason to keep it a secret anymore. In the spirit of "How I Met Your Mother" ending, I will tell everyone now and my kids when they are older "How I Busted Your Mother".

The ex had a newer IPhone and an old one kicking around that we upgraded from a while back. I knew most of her toxic friends (and as it turned out luckily the OM as well) had iPhones too. I would see her sending iMessages all day long. So I set up her apple id on the old iPhone so that every time an iMessage was send to her, it also went to the old iPhone as well. I caught her immediately and after that I was able to read the cheating in real time for months after. I knew every attempt at R was false before she opened her mouth. Plus I could track her whereabouts with the "Find my iPhone" feature also. To this day she still has no idea. She was never technology savvy even with the OM helping her cover her tracks. At one point, they were convinced I had them bugged lol.

I made a joke about that several times. She would tell me ALL these nice things I wanted to hear then I would check the phone and bam lies. EVERY... SINGLE... TIME... The sad part is I checked that thing 100's of times in the months leading to me booting her out and never once was there a single nice thing about me on there. NOT ONCE. No "I love BD", no "I'm sorry I hurt him", no "He's been supportive of me despite what I did", nothing...

Yes, I do. It stopped being about the OM and really because about HER. SHE was the demon. SHE would of cheated on me with ANY POS that came along. That was the moment she got a free upgrade to serial cheater in my mind. I remember jumping on TAM and venting while she was in the other room sobbing uncontrollably about me finding out. I was just not surprised at anything she was capable of anymore at that point.

In a weird, way it did help me. Being cheated on is very emasculating. I needed to feel desired even though deep down I knew she was just trying to win me back for selfish reasons. That's why it didn't change my decision. I knew where her heart was and it wasn't with me.

Ironically, the stupidity that caused her to buy into the POSOM's garbage is the SAME stupidity that got me a kick a$$ divorce. I doubt I'd be so lucky with anyone else.

I don't disagree with you. My concern is only for the type of mother my kids are going to have. That's why I wish she would fix herself. I don't what their mom to be a wh0re because it's my kids mom. At the same time, I really can't do much about it. She tells me that, "my way of living life isn't the only way and she can follow her own path." I guess that's true but I SEE where her path is headed and it's not going to end well for her. I'm sorry my kids have to grow up around that. That's why I continue to offer my two cents when she asks. In the hope that she wakes up and starts acting like a person with some self-respect.

so the OP was like the British in WWII, when they captured their first enigma cypher machine! brilliant.

BetrayedDad

Discussion Starter · #1,183 · Oct 27, 2021

Galabar01 said:
Just read through this thread. Wow. Epic.

Is the Ex still with the 15 year younger dude?

He's their Stepdad.

jonty30

· #1,184 · Oct 28, 2021

BetrayedDad said:
He's their Stepdad.

Better me than him.

Galabar01

· #1,185 · Oct 28, 2021

BetrayedDad said:
He's their Stepdad.

OMG. Is the guy pretty dumb? What happens when he's in his 40s and she's well, her age?!?

Galabar01

· #1,186 · Oct 28, 2021

jonty30 said:
Better me than him.

Wait, what?

jonty30

· #1,187 · Oct 28, 2021

Galabar01 said:
OMG. Is the guy pretty dumb? What happens when he's in his 40s and she's well, her age?!?

He'll trade up. He'll be able to hook up with somebody who is 30-35.
It's really her that's the damn fool when she went for such a younger man.

Reactions: 1

jonty30

· #1,188 · Oct 28, 2021

Galabar01 said:
Wait, what?

I would not want to be stuck, as such a young man, with so much responsibility and a women who is 15-20 years older than I.
If that's what he wants, he can have her.

It's just his life that is being wasted, imo.

Galabar01

· #1,189 · Oct 28, 2021

jonty30 said:
I would not want to be stuck, as such a young man, with so much responsibility and a women who is 15-20 years older than I.
If that's what he wants, he can have her.

It's just his life that is being wasted, imo.

I thought, when you said "Better me than him," you were saying that you were the stepdad that married BetrayedDad's XWW.

Did you mean "Better him than you?" or "Better him than me?"

jonty30

· #1,190 · Oct 28, 2021

Galabar01 said:
I thought, when you said "Better me than him," you were saying that you were the stepdad that married BetrayedDad's XWW.

Did you mean "Better him than you?" or "Better him than me?"

I wasn't sure how to phrase it.

SunCMars

· #1,191 · Oct 28, 2021

Galabar01 said:
OMG. Is the guy pretty dumb? What happens when he's in his 40s and she's well, her age?!?

It is not the age difference that stands out to me
It is the mental immaturity of both of them.

Or, at least one of them.

That said, many men marry younger women.
No one questions those men.
Why is that?

It is more the age of the mind, less the age of its carrier, the body.

I wonder...
Did the man (AP) worship his mother?

Likely, the AP lives, a day at a time, never thinking beyond a few weeks, at most, next year.

King Brian-

See less See more

Reactions: 1

skerzoid

· #1,192 · Oct 28, 2021 (Edited by Moderator)

BetrayedDad said:
He's their Stepdad.

If I remember, you were okay with him because your kids liked him. This is better than some abusive a$$ahola. So he married her? I must have missed that.
OP has moved on. He reached the state of not-giving-a-****. The opposite of love is not hatred but indifference. She wanted to reconcile but he would not have any of that.

Reactions: 2

BetrayedDad

Discussion Starter · #1,193 · Oct 28, 2021 (Edited)

skerzoid said:
If I remember, you were okay with him because your kids liked him.

Yeah, other than his questionable choice in women, I don't have any issues lol. He had nothing to do with the affair. My kids do still like him alot and have never had a bad thing to say about him. Guess I lucked out on that? I keep it to curt pleasantries and that's it.

Reactions: 3

MattMatt

· #1,194 · Oct 29, 2021

Glad things are going so well for you @BetrayedDad. Good to hear from you.

jonty30

· #1,195 · Oct 29, 2021

BetrayedDad said:
Yeah, other than his questionable choice in women, I don't have any issues lol. He had nothing to do with the affair. My kids do still like him alot and have never had a bad thing to say about him. Guess I lucked out on that? I keep it to curt pleasantries and that's it.

At least somebody is looking after the kids. That's a positive development from this.

Reactions: 1

fluffycoco

· #1,196 · Oct 29, 2021

BetrayedDad said:
He's their Stepdad.

Without of your 2 kids he probably didn't marry her, guess he really love your 2 kids.

Chuck71

· #1,197 · Oct 29, 2021

Let's not pain-shop

jonty30

· #1,198 · Oct 29, 2021

The essential answer, imo, is quickly.

Asterix

· #1,199 · Nov 1, 2021

Hello @BetrayedDad I came across your thread and just finished it. What an ordeal that you had to face due to your narcissistic ex. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that.

I also read that she is still with the guy that is 15 years younger than her. It's been eight years now. It seems that your kids like him a lot. It's possible that your ex might think that she may not be able to do any better than her current partner and for reasons of his own, he's still with her.

I wanted to suggest that you may want to consider building a bridge with him for the sake of your kids. Do some bonding activities like fishin', huntin', bowling balls, playing videogames (whatever it is that you both do). This could give you additional leverage in your co-parenting situations. This could help improve your kid's situation and it'll be good for your self-realization that you can build a bond with him with a feeling of detachment towards your ex.

On the flip side, you may not want to consider this as well. It's been eight years since you got divorced. So, I'm guessing that your kids are of the ages 13 to 16. Which means it'll only be a couple of years when they'd be 18 and they don't have to visit their mom as often. So, building a bond with him may be moot. It looks like they have a good relationship with him so far without your involvement, and I can't see why that can't continue going forward.

Something for you to think and weigh in.

See less See more

SunCMars

· #1,200 · Nov 1, 2021

phillybeffandswiss said:
Sorry, I think HD people can set that as their requirement and have meaningful relationships as well without deprivation.

I personally have this fear of ladies who are single, divorced (whatever) and who have this really great sex drive.

Can they be trusted to remain in any long term relationship?

Be careful what you ask for.

I fully expect to be pounded for this statement.

Nemesis-

1181 - 1200 of 1216 Posts

This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.