I feel it's been VERY therapeutic for me to put my thoughts and feelings out there, even anonymously. To be able to use TAM as an outlet and be validated has gone a long way in helping me heal.
I never did say how I knew. I guess there's no reason to keep it a secret anymore. In the spirit of "How I Met Your Mother" ending, I will tell everyone now and my kids when they are older "How I Busted Your Mother".
The ex had a newer IPhone and an old one kicking around that we upgraded from a while back. I knew most of her toxic friends (and as it turned out luckily the OM as well) had iPhones too. I would see her sending iMessages all day long. So I set up her apple id on the old iPhone so that every time an iMessage was send to her, it also went to the old iPhone as well. I caught her immediately and after that I was able to read the cheating in real time for months after. I knew every attempt at R was false before she opened her mouth. Plus I could track her whereabouts with the "Find my iPhone" feature also. To this day she still has no idea. She was never technology savvy even with the OM helping her cover her tracks. At one point, they were convinced I had them bugged lol.
I made a joke about that several times. She would tell me ALL these nice things I wanted to hear then I would check the phone and bam lies. EVERY... SINGLE... TIME... The sad part is I checked that thing 100's of times in the months leading to me booting her out and never once was there a single nice thing about me on there. NOT ONCE. No "I love BD", no "I'm sorry I hurt him", no "He's been supportive of me despite what I did", nothing...
Yes, I do. It stopped being about the OM and really because about HER. SHE was the demon. SHE would of cheated on me with ANY POS that came along. That was the moment she got a free upgrade to serial cheater in my mind. I remember jumping on TAM and venting while she was in the other room sobbing uncontrollably about me finding out. I was just not surprised at anything she was capable of anymore at that point.
In a weird, way it did help me. Being cheated on is very emasculating. I needed to feel desired even though deep down I knew she was just trying to win me back for selfish reasons. That's why it didn't change my decision. I knew where her heart was and it wasn't with me.
Ironically, the stupidity that caused her to buy into the POSOM's garbage is the SAME stupidity that got me a kick a$$ divorce. I doubt I'd be so lucky with anyone else.
I don't disagree with you. My concern is only for the type of mother my kids are going to have. That's why I wish she would fix herself. I don't what their mom to be a wh0re because it's my kids mom. At the same time, I really can't do much about it. She tells me that, "my way of living life isn't the only way and she can follow her own path." I guess that's true but I SEE where her path is headed and it's not going to end well for her. I'm sorry my kids have to grow up around that. That's why I continue to offer my two cents when she asks. In the hope that she wakes up and starts acting like a person with some self-respect.