Best way to divorce my wife...

864488 Views 1215 Replies 185 Participants Last post by BetrayedDad, 11 mo ago

BetrayedDad

Discussion Starter · Aug 8, 2013

I recently found out my wife has been sleeping with her boss (how cliche) for the last six months. She doesn't know I know yet but she suspects something is wrong. (I'm not a pathelogical liar like she is and can't hide my emotions as well.)

My attorney basically told me it would be in my best interest, and in getting joint custody of my children, to do this as civilized as possible. He told me to wait until the next marriage counselling session, which is a week from now

and announce it to her then.

The boss is married so I really want to tell his wife (who just had a baby not long ago mind you) but I'm hesitant now because it will only piss her off and drag this out longer than it needs to be. He said if I decide to make this ugly from the get go then it will cost me big down the road.

Suggestions? If I report them to the bosses wife and their HR dept will it be worth the blowback of a custody and house battle over a short term revenge gratification on my part? It's killing me trying to be the bigger person when I was being treated like a jerk for so long.

1161 - 1180 of 1216 Posts

phillybeffandswiss

· #1,161 · Jan 21, 2017

threelittlestars said:
I agree this may work for now...

What he stated and is doing is supposed to work right now. He's having fun, being honest and maybe he will find a new lifelong partner. That's what dating involves, finding the correct partner for your future. I'm not going to argue the sex part because his list, your list and my list are most likely completely different.

All I am saying is the "for now" doesn't matter, if you can't pass your first personal requirement in building a relationship. So, if it made you fear what he has concerning the future, you move on. I know I passed up on women because they smoked. I know women passed up on me because I didn't make enough money. I'm not a publicly affectionate guy so, some relationships ended for that reason. He'll pass up on women who don't have his zeal for sex. They may feel, as I did, they passed up on something special. That's irrelevant because we are each trying to find our particular happiness and compromise comes later. I'm not going to say it makes him worse until he does something awful. He changed his relationship priorities to include sex at the top.

Sorry, I think HD people can set that as their requirement and have meaningful relationships as well without deprivation.

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Reactions: 4

BetrayedDad

Discussion Starter · #1,162 · Jan 23, 2017

Faithful Wife said:
I don't think Betrayed Dad is saying that it is "all about sex". He's just saying that any good relationship for him will always included a good sex life. That there is no reason to go forward with any potential partner if that part is missing.

But he's also learned, this isn't really a problem. Women want sex, a significant number of us also expect a good sex life as part of a good relationship, and it isn't that hard to find this if you are forthright about your expectations.

I agree with him that there's absolutely no reason to pursue someone if they don't understand and agree that great sex is a minimum requirement to be with him....and she should feel this for herself, too. Plenty of us do.

Thank you for putting it far more eloquently than I did.

Reactions: 4

Chuck71

· #1,163 · Jan 20, 2019

Ey yo's...... hows yousa doin?

BetrayedDad

Discussion Starter · #1,164 · May 9, 2019

Chuck71 said:
Ey yo's...... hows yousa doin?

I’m alright man lol. I only log on here few times a year these days out of boredom.

This place was basically my mental therapy. It helped tremendously talking with others.

I just feel like I don’t need it anymore. Not gonna say I’m 100% but I probably never was.

Still doing the single dad with 50% custody thing. Last gf was about a year ago.

Too lazy to start dating, its just a huge drain on my time. Plus I been so career focus.

Got a huge promotion recently that I spend along time gunning for. Career wise I’m golden.

I try to read the stories on here and I just cringe... everyone is so damn codependent.

Pro tip of the day: If you can’t be happy alone, no relationship will ever make you happy.

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Reactions: 5

Loveshorror

· #1,165 · May 9, 2019

Hey BetrayedDad- I followed your story on SI and here. Good for you! Glad you are well. Yes - the co-dependent hopium pipe is strong in many, where I don’t comment either, as others find my comments an affront to their “great R.” 🙄

BetrayedDad

Discussion Starter · #1,166 · May 9, 2019

Loveshorror said:
Hey BetrayedDad- I followed your story on SI and here. Good for you! Glad you are well. Yes - the co-dependent hopium pipe is strong in many, where I don’t comment either, as others find my comments an affront to their “great R”

As far as I’m concerned, if just one person on here dumped their trash POS spouse because of my story, then the entire 78 pages was worth it.... I’d be content with that.

Reactions: 5

turnera

· #1,167 · May 9, 2019

BetrayedDad said:
Pro tip of the day: If you can’t be happy alone, no relationship will ever make you happy.

THANK YOU! One of my most used pieces of advice.

Reactions: 5

Chuck71

· #1,168 · May 5, 2021

How's life treating ya?

Reactions: 1

BetrayedDad

Discussion Starter · #1,169 · Sep 27, 2021

Chuck71 said:
How's life treating ya?

8 years sure does pass quickly doesn't it? It's been treating me well, thanks for ask Chuck. I hope the same for you. I can genuinely say I'm happy, absolutely zero stress in my life right now. Single at the moment but frankly not interested in dating. My patience for that wore thin after the pandemic though it doesn't stop my friends from still trying to set me up. I keep busy working a lot and raising kids who are now teenagers. Spending time with them is what a look forward too everyday. They're both great kids. Wish I had more to report but maintaining the status quo is good enough for me!

Reactions: 5

Chuck71

· #1,170 · Sep 27, 2021

I'm bad about sending out -hows yousa doins- to older members. Mine was right before yours. Will be 9 years

in about a month. Doing well, got hitched again....never thought I would. As your kids get older, the less and less

you have to deal with your XW. I may bug you again for an update in a year, before they close it.

Thanks for the update!

Reactions: 3

Evinrude58

· #1,171 · Sep 27, 2021

GTdad said:
If you're aiming for a quick, successful (however you define it) divorce, take advantage of the "Mister Wonderful" effect. While she's in lala land with the POSOM, planning their future and picking out curtains and maybe, just maybe, feeling a little guilt about you, push the divorce through like a greased rocket sled. Hope their relationship lasts long enough for the divorce to become final.

This

Casual Observer

· #1,172 · Sep 28, 2021

BetrayedDad said:
8 years sure does pass quickly doesn't it? It's been treating me well, thanks for ask Chuck. I hope the same for you. I can genuinely say I'm happy, absolutely zero stress in my life right now. Single at the moment but frankly not interested in dating. My patience for that wore thin after the pandemic though it doesn't stop my friends from still trying to set me up. I keep busy working a lot and raising kids who are now teenagers. Spending time with them is what a look forward too everyday. They're both great kids. Wish I had more to report but maintaining the status quo is good enough for me!

So... I'll ask if nobody else will. After all this time, has sex become a non-issue? Not worth the bother? Or is it something you miss?

BetrayedDad

Discussion Starter · #1,173 · Sep 30, 2021 (Edited)

Casual Observer said:
So... I'll ask if nobody else will. After all this time, has sex become a non-issue? Not worth the bother? Or is it something you miss?

Never said I wasn't getting laid lol, just not interested in dating or worse committing to a serious relationship. Especially, with antiqued expectations that I do all the courting. Hard pass, I'm having to much fun doing all the **** I want to do and enjoying my freedom from other people.

Reactions: 5

BetrayedDad

Discussion Starter · #1,174 · Sep 30, 2021

Thank you everyone for the well wishes, I remember many of you very well. Glad the forum is alive and well!

Reactions: 3

Marc878

· #1,175 · Sep 30, 2021

How is the coparenting going? You should be at a point of indifferent by now.

BetrayedDad

Discussion Starter · #1,176 · Oct 4, 2021

Marc878 said:
How is the coparenting going? You should be at a point of indifferent by now.

Coparenting is fine, it's really never been an issue. We both have 50/50 custody (if you go by whose house they are sleeping over) but I see them more even on off days because I got primary custody so the bus drops them off at my house every day. If indifferent means it would not phase me in the slightest if I found out she fell off the side of a mountain, then yes I would say so lol. Though to be fair, I would feel bad for the kids lol.

Reactions: 5

SRCSRC

· #1,177 · Oct 4, 2021

BetrayedDad said:
Coparenting is fine, it's really never been an issue. We both have 50/50 custody (if you go by whose house they are sleeping over) but I see them more even on off days because I got primary custody so the bus drops them off at my house every day. If indifferent means it would not phase me in the slightest if I found out she fell off the side of a mountain, then yes I would say so lol. Though to be fair, I would feel bad for the kids lol.

I feel the same about my ex-WW.

fluffycoco

· #1,178 · Oct 24, 2021

I have enjoyed reading your blog. I can tell you have been getting better and better after left ex.
Keep going. love to see your updates ...

jonty30

· #1,179 · Oct 24, 2021

BetrayedDad said:
I recently found out my wife has been sleeping with her boss (how cliche) for the last six months. She doesn't know I know yet but she suspects something is wrong. (I'm not a pathelogical liar like she is and can't hide my emotions as well.)

My attorney basically told me it would be in my best interest, and in getting joint custody of my children, to do this as civilized as possible. He told me to wait until the next marriage counselling session, which is a week from now and announce it to her then.

The boss is married so I really want to tell his wife (who just had a baby not long ago mind you) but I'm hesitant now because it will only piss her off and drag this out longer than it needs to be. He said if I decide to make this ugly from the get go then it will cost me big down the road.

Suggestions? If I report them to the bosses wife and their HR dept will it be worth the blowback of a custody and house battle over a short term revenge gratification on my part? It's killing me trying to be the bigger person when I was being treated like a jerk for so long.

The zombies walk the earth and they are amongst us.

Chuck71

· #1,180 · Oct 25, 2021

Yet it............STILL teaches lessons!

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