The boss has a wife right?
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Do a hard 180. Let her see you moving on. Get in shape, start dressing nicer, start going out with friends and make her stay home with the kids. If a divorce and affair are what she wants then give it to her in spades. Once the D is filed then the brakes are off. Start flirting with women. Start dating other women. Why should you stay celibate and she get to run around with her OM? What's good for the goose....
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She is not showing any remorse? Not trying to win you back or going no contact or quitting her job? Tell her she will regret this someday when she sees you with you new faithful wife.

 

Tell the omw in person if you can just stick to the facts believe me it will be a big weight off your shoulders you can't control what she will do after.

 

Funny thing... After she told the POSOM that I knew, the POSOM is still not leaving his wife anytime soon. Just tells her "how helpless he feels". If I didn't know better, my gut is telling me she's disappointed by this and almosts wants me to tell the OMW so she will kick him out and they can be together. She's didn't say that but it's what my gut tells me.

 

My experience is the harder a nut is to crack the bigger the explosion and mess. Your wife may be a tough nut, but when you expose to the OMW and her pretty little world comes crashing down, you can expect your wife to show you more of her vulnerable side than you ever wanted to know.
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Only advice I can give is this document everything. If you give her any money or buy anything for kids or her keep receipts. My friend did this and ended up with everything he wanted because she denied he did anything and he proved he did. In the end the judge agreed he was more truthful and basically gave him everything.

Document, prove and verify EVERYTHING.

 

Right after the d look into suing the company and maybe even her boss you might come out with some $$.

 

At least you realize that you are in love with an illusion and you can see that she is clearly trying to manipulate you now. She has no love or respect for you. You can do better.
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Way better.
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For what it's worth. I'm making her get an STD test too. She had unprotected sex with him because apparently he told her he "already got tested" so he's fine. Makes me sick...

 

Good grief:slap:

 

Her actions are what you should watch, not her words. She is still lying to you, (trickle truth). Have her give you a timeline of the affair. Be strong, and when she is calling your bluff, let her see the results.

 

Have her give you a timeline of the affair. Be strong, and when she is calling your bluff, let her see the results.

I did and she denied oral, going on a trip with him and being at his house. ALL things I know happened...

She's become very comfortable lying to me. It's quite disturbing.

 

Lying is what she is. And when this truth sets in and takes root it will make it that much easier to detach.
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"If I was 100% certain the OM would stay with the OMW, I'd nuke them right now. "

He will stay or he will pay. Depose him immediately, after deposition file a third party sexual harrasment claim with HR in his company. Depose his wife and be sure to ask. "were you aware of a affair so and so had with his employee x?

Stop being a door mat and do this right. NUKE and nuke now!

 

No such thing as a third party sexual harassment suit in this context. Though I would make it a precondition of any R that your wife file a sexual harassment claim against her boss.

 

Even if you do not get a settlement, what tdsc suggests will certainly get some unweaned attention in the workplace for your stbx and om. Do it after the divorce.
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He has no cause of action. His wife possibly does. Her co-workers likely do. But the company has no legal obligation to its employees' spouses.

 

On a random side note....

Maybe it's a "guy thing" but the worst part about all this is knowing they had sex over the course of months. Thinking about their physical intimacy is what really turns my stomach. That she would reject me, to give him sex. Even in our own bed. Yes, the emotional aspect hurts too but the physical part is what keeps me awake at night....

 

I hope you burned that bed. Nothing says I'm serious as a heart attack like 20 foot flames.

 

She's trash. There. Another slap
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Will's advice bears consideration. You should act forcefully. The longer this drags on the less respect your wife will have for you in either D or R. Exposure to OMW can be anonymous.
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Have a woman go with you when you talk to the OMW, a sister for instance, that will make you more believable and sincere and less threatening when you talk to her.

And do at least a free consult with a lawyer on the boss issue - you might have more cause to sue than you currently think.

 

She's getting off on two men wanting her. It's all about the drama... and feeding her voracious ego.
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I think you need to stop talking to her about saving the M and focus on getting the terms you want in the D.

Let her know in no uncertain terms that if she tires to screw you over in the D like she has screwed you over in the M, you will go to the company HR and totally destroy this POS.

He will get canned if it is revealed that he has been sleeping with one of his employees under his supervision.

And blow his life up by telling his W. Make him scramble to save his own a**.

I think he will throw your WW under the bus instantly since he doesn't seem too thrilled to leave now that she has been caught.

It should be a painful shock to your foolish WW, as she seems to believe this is true love.

Maybe then she will finally see what she has done to her life.

 

For what its worth, at least you have a clear direction as far as were you need to take this.

I have a feeling she is pursuing the OM and the OM is getting tired of it...its just an assumtion, but the point is hurry up with the divorce and you start second guessing your self.

Cuz you will....especially as she struggles to get her Plan B (you) when her plan A falls apart.

Right now she still distant cuz she has another focus (OM) but once he is gone she will be all lovy dovy and start working you until the next OM comes around. Most likely give you the same crap she gave you when she was trying to save the marriage when the last affair happened. You know what I mean?

Something tells me that she will start her bull crap sooner then you think....i really think OM is trying to get away from her. So its just a matter of time.

And when that time does come and she wants to work it out the 1st words out of your mouth should be " lets go talk to OM wife"

In short, you guys' chance to R went out the window when she picked up her phone to call OM.

Anyway prepare your self for the bull crap that is soon to come again once she gets dumped.

 

Right now exposure...an effective exposure is off the table.

Now, exposure will only help the OMW see what a POS she has for a H.

The chance to save a marriage with infidelity, exposure has to be done before the confrontation.

In this case I think D is already set in motion...your old lady will continue to take a piece of your soul everytime she contact OM, everytime she goes to work and every time she comes home late.

It sucks cuz she has no consequences and has no reason to hide this from you. Its going to be a long road so work on your self.

 

Right now exposure...an effective exposure is off the table.

Now, exposure will only help the OMW see what a POS she has for a H.

The chance to save a marriage with infidelity, exposure has to be done before the confrontation.

In this case I think D is already set in motion...your old lady will continue to take a piece of your soul everytime she contact OM, everytime she goes to work and every time she comes home late.

It sucks cuz she has no consequences and has no reason to hide this from you. Its going to be a long road so work on your self.

Sorry, tg, but I have to disagree. Confrontation should come before exposure to give the WS a chance to clean on their own. If not, then drop the exposure nuke.

I do agree with the continued contact though. And the best way to ensure NC is to get to the OMW...like, now!

Yeah, is does suck she has to suffer no consequences for her actions. But the OP has NO ONE to blame for this part of it but himself by not taking aggressive actions to kill the affair if he wants any chance at recovering his marriage.

BD, like I said previously, you have the power in your hands to put an end to this crap. It's up to you to utilize that power.

I know it's scary, but could it really be any more scary than being a divorced dad, alone, with a potential step-dad just waiting in the wings to help raise your kids and bed your wife?

What do you have to lose? This is where you are!

Think about it pal!

 

The next time she accuse you of having another girl inform her that your moral compass is all good....unlike hers. Tell her you have to get the bad taste of her betrayal out of your mouth before you can find a women that is trust worthy and believe you me there are women that aren't adultors. Tell once you get the stink of her aired out then you can find some one better.

 

I hope you will choose to do two things:

1. Tell the OMW immediately what a complete piece of sh!t she just presented a beautiful baby to.

2. File for divorce & mean it.

Neither of these things should be part of a strategy to keep your WW. The first is to give the OMW the information she needs to do the right thing for herself, and the second is for you to do the right thing for yourself.

 

I always thought that expose before confrontation cuz it doesn't give the affair partner time for damage control?

 

Nah, give them a chance to come clean on their own. It gives them a chance to do things the right way and blow the snot bubbles of true remorse......or perhaps not.

If not, then balls to the wall nuclear exposure.

JMO