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Discussion Starter #1
Greetings.
I want to focus on the positives but I’m just not that positive and need help focusing on what’s important.


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Start with one thing a day....Usually at the beginning. Remember that ONE thing and try to re-state it over and over ALL DAY.

Then after awhile, try 3 things a day.. and so on...

You will find yourself more positive and your outlook on life will be improved. The best part of finding happiness when you can't readily see it, is that others will notice the change and they will help you with positive things. Smiling is also just as important.
 

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Not only pick one thing. Write it down get some post it notes and put them in the car and on the fridge and on your phone. Read it think it do it.
 

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Many women are 'this'.
To some extent.

Most women are biologically able, and ready to be a mother.
Whether they enjoy the experience or not.

Admit, to enjoying it.

Most inwardly do. Feeling that life grow within you and then see it emerge, it positively affects the mothering of the baby.

Being a wife?

That is a horse of a different color.

Her emotional color, taint, ain't, may not be ready for that, of course.

Being a wife is not a singular activity.

A women must maintain a home, manage the children, manage and balance her husbands needs.

Oh, and balance her own needs. That she neglects.

A wife must be the mate, the match for her husband, in a positive way for the marriage to be successful.

And do all this without an instruction book.

If the wife had a good mother, who was a good wife, she may have a clue.

If not, many mistakes can be made....and are.

A wife is a cook.

Is a traveling companion.
Is a friend of the husband.
Is a receptacle for his woes and needs.
Is a receptacle for his sperm laden semen.

The duties of a wife and mother often overlap.
And in overlapping the duties become skewed.

A wife cannot be a husbands mother, well, should not be this.

But, often is...this.

By choice, by circumstances.

The husband may need mothering more than is 'proper'.

The boundaries become blurred, when to be a mother, when to be a wife.

Being able to turn off the mother, become the wife in bed.

It is hard, hearing the children cry, scream and cry...
Hearing the husband moan.

The children want this, they want that. They want it, now.
The husband wants, waits impatiently.

One minute mother is cleaning up a big mess.
The next minute she stopping a fight.
The next minute the wife is taking off her clothes so her husband will stop moaning.
The boning begins, the moaning then stops.

Until, the next ten minutes of her long day.





[THM]- Lilith McGarvey, a Fifth Dimensional lady.
 

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Mostly my insecurities of being able to provide while she stays home and mothers.


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Howdy Eddy,

Here is the deal. It's very easy for things to go this way and it very often does in a marriage. I myself feel into this situation for many years but not to the point
that it was terrible. If there is any point in your marriage life that it is important to focus on you and your wife it is now. I'm not saying to disregard your
children by any measure. You and your wife need to have the conversation about husband/wife time as well as taking good care of your family. Your wife
may be overloaded like crazy with the needs of young children. This is the part where you step up and give her what ever she needs to be able to do "marriage"
time. Baby sitters, call Mom ....etc etc. Your wife will never know how much you miss your marriage if you don't speak up because she is buried under the kids.
 

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Mostly my insecurities of being able to provide while she stays home and mothers.


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Well, been there. I took on a second part time job. Kind of sucked but we did have our weekends together. Being as such, my W did concentrate on keeping a budget at the market, lights off when no on in the room and being thrifty when spending for odd and ends.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Unfortunately, right now, I’m more attracted to the receptionist who winks at me than the mother who blows me.

...and maybe it’s all related because she has a job but it’s all I can think of despite our son being taught all beautiful values our family is built on and not the nanny’s values.


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Many women are 'this'.
To some extent.

Most women are biologically able, and ready to be a mother.
Whether they enjoy the experience or not.

Admit, to enjoying it.

Most inwardly do. Feeling that life grow within you and then see it emerge, it positively affects the mothering of the baby.

Being a wife?

That is a horse of a different color.

Her emotional color, taint, ain't, may not be ready for that, of course.

Being a wife is not a singular activity.

A women must maintain a home, manage the children, manage and balance her husbands needs.

Oh, and balance her own needs. That she neglects.

A wife must be the mate, the match for her husband, in a positive way for the marriage to be successful.

And do all this without an instruction book.

If the wife had a good mother, who was a good wife, she may have a clue.

If not, many mistakes can be made....and are.

A wife is a cook.

Is a traveling companion.
Is a friend of the husband.
Is a receptacle for his woes and needs.
Is a receptacle for his sperm laden semen.

The duties of a wife and mother often overlap.
And in overlapping the duties become skewed.

A wife cannot be a husbands mother, well, should not be this.

But, often is...this.

By choice, by circumstances.

The husband may need mothering more than is 'proper'.

The boundaries become blurred, when to be a mother, when to be a wife.

Being able to turn off the mother, become the wife in bed.

It is hard, hearing the children cry, scream and cry...
Hearing the husband moan.

The children want this, they want that. They want it, now.
The husband wants, waits impatiently.

One minute mother is cleaning up a big mess.
The next minute she stopping a fight.
The next minute the wife is taking off her clothes so her husband will stop moaning.
The boning begins, the moaning then stops.

Until, the next ten minutes of her long day.





[THM]- Lilith McGarvey, a Fifth Dimensional lady.

Much of that can be flipped around in the case where the father stays home with the kids. My wife often seems like a fourth child...albeit one with an income, would that the other three had THAT at least on some days.
 

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Howdy Eddy,

Here is the deal. It's very easy for things to go this way and it very often does in a marriage. I myself feel into this situation for many years but not to the point
that it was terrible. If there is any point in your marriage life that it is important to focus on you and your wife it is now. I'm not saying to disregard your
children by any measure. You and your wife need to have the conversation about husband/wife time as well as taking good care of your family. Your wife
may be overloaded like crazy with the needs of young children. This is the part where you step up and give her what ever she needs to be able to do "marriage"
time. Baby sitters, call Mom ....etc etc. Your wife will never know how much you miss your marriage if you don't speak up because she is buried under the kids.

I'll attest to the fact that being home with the kids is...ummm, there's a book title that comes to mind by a SAHD - All Joy, No Fun. You'd think it would be fun, being an uncle was always fun. I understand that looking at it from the outside it looks pretty easy/straightforward. I worked for 18 years professionally and watched my friends have kids and listened (nodding my head in agreement) to how easy the stay at home wife had it.
Now I'm on the other side and my wife is the old me. The more you try to tell someone you're married to that isn't home with them, the more it sounds like whining...and I get that. I'm also the 'angry' one because she sees me in the morning trying to get them ready for school (6 years of school every day and they apparently still don't know how to get ready??) and then when she comes home they have gotten out of school, going wild with pent up energy and I am trying to handle the hated 'making dinner'. Did I mention she thinks I'm always angry? I'm perfectly calm when they are actually in school...busy but calm. Too bad the W doesn't get to see that. She does notice things though, except they are the things that aren't getting done around the house.

my point? Don't give her a free ride but cut her some slack.

Oh, and the receptionist? She probably sucks as a mom...well, once she becomes your wife she won't even suck...
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Heard understood and acknowledged. She’s had over five years of slack but I’m not counting.

I just keep telling myself I should be lucky to have her in my life and the opportunity to raise our happy son.


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Heard understood and acknowledged. She’s had over five years of slack but I’m not counting.

I just keep telling myself I should be lucky to have her in my life and the opportunity to raise our happy son.
You said providing is your concern. But the title of your thread implies she is neglecting you now that she is a mom. Is that the case? Because part of being a "great mom" is having a strong, happy family. The spouse comes first.

I think it will be worth it in the long run if she can be home with the child(ren). However, you two still need to find time to be a couple. Time alone together paying attention to just each other. That is hard to do when money is really tight but it can be done.

It is very easy for women to get in a rut where they shift ALL their focus to the baby and begin to ignore and take their husband for granted. Is that what is happening?
 
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