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At this stage I have protected my assets and companies in case I decide to walk away.As I stated I have a newborn baby boy,3 and 5 year old daughters to protect and put first,I don't care what anyone says,I went through a divorce as a child and it does mess up any child.

Im no chump or spineless man to want to try everything to avoid my kids having to deal with a stepfamily.Say what you will,a man does not care the same for children that are not his own.

However should I discover anything more she omitted or lied about in the future I will walk away immediately,she knows this

And the truth always finds a way to come out,like me stumbling on a text years later.

So for now I will give it a bit more time,if my baby boy is a toddler and I feel the same I will probably leave her anyway.

Someone mentioned how do I look her friends in the eyes..I don't,everyone I know she bad mouthed me to and was to cowardly to either tell me or believed it has been removed from my life.Her family as well..

Her family ,including my 3 brother in laws showed me they are not worth my loyalty and support.Believe me I have financially helped them over the years,I supported her mother and was always there when they needed someone.

I guess loyalty and family mean more to me than most

So I will be fine and will definitely not be hurt by my wife again,she cant break something that does not exists right.Im the dark of night it sucks as I stare at the ceiling pissed off many nights,but the sun always rises

One thing I never mentioned is the coward of a affair partner knew that time who I was ,he risked much, those years I would have not reacted well towards him if I found out.

Since the day I found the text he as gone underground,he deleted his social media etc.

He does not know some of his wife's friends are old dive mates of mine and they told me he is avoiding visiting Africa…so a coward that is scared of a man whose marriage he meddled in.
Thanks for the update.

I mentioned how do you look her friends in the eyes. You did the right thing by cutting off your wife's friends, original family members and relatives from your LIFE for betraying you (those you found to be guilty and complicit), and made your wayward wife do the same as well. SOLID. These people are not worth your time and support. (y)

I still fail to understand why you chose to have kids with this woman after she had put you through so much?

You overlooked so many RED FLAGs early on but you were not sure that infidelity was involved? You learned much about your wife's affair RECENTLY?
 

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Discussion Starter · #62 ·
Thanks for the update.

I mentioned how do you look her friends in the eyes. You did the right thing by cutting off your wife's friends and relatives from your LIFE for betraying you, and made your wayward wife do the same as well. SOLID. These people are not worth your time and support. (y)

I still fail to understand why you chose to have kids with this woman after she had put you through so much?

You overlooked so many RED FLAGs early on but you were not sure that infidelity was involved? You learned much about your wife's affair RECENTLY?
Hi, I did not have kids with a cheater,I thought I stared a family with a loyal wife.I only discovered this mess after 2 off my children was already born.She chose to start a family without me knowing anything her betrayal....this is what pisses me of most.....

I just cant understand or process why a good girl, raised in a good home with morals, a girl that makes me promise to never have secrets and preaches how she would never cheat, live with a guy for 3 years happy as hell, get married and in a couple of months after the wedding engage in an affair and totally betray everything.The affair as far as I now started and ended when he left all in the first year or marriage

I might understand an affair years into a marriage , but months?
 

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Hi, I did not have kids with a cheater,I thought I stared a family with a loyal wife.I only discovered this mess after 2 off my children was already born.She chose to start a family without me knowing anything her betrayal....this is what pisses me of most.....

I just cant understand or process why a good girl, raised in a good home with morals, a girl that makes me promise to never have secrets and preaches how she would never cheat, live with a guy for 3 years happy as hell, get married and in a couple of months after the wedding engage in an affair and totally betray everything.The affair as far as I now started and ended when he left all in the first year or marriage

I might understand an affair years into a marriage , but months?
OK, I understand now.

3rd baby due to hysterical bonding?

How your wife feels about this mess? Does she resent the OM now or she is only sorry for being caught by you?
 

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Discussion Starter · #64 ·
OK, I understand now.

3rd baby due to hysterical bonding?

How your wife feels about this mess? Does she resent the OM now or she is only sorry for being caught by you?
3rd baby after I was away fishing for a week and came back!She now say she hates him but defended him at first…he was a good person that cared for het and gave attention to her,always made sure her drink was full,walked her to the car to make sure she was safe,he was a better person than me at the time..etc etc
 

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Jake,

You wrote,

I just cant understand or process why a good girl, raised in a good home with morals, a girl that makes me promise to never have secrets and preaches how she would never cheat, live with a guy for 3 years happy as hell, get married and in a couple of months after the wedding engage in an affair and totally betray everything.The affair as far as I now started and ended when he left all in the first year or marriage

I might understand an affair years into a marriage , but months?


Possibly because your "good girl" concealed who she is sexually and married you for a number of reasons other than sex. She also may never have been romantically in love with you and might not be now.

My W enjoys her good girl status, people instantly believe she is a saint, what actually turns my W on however is completely at odds with her image. This creates complex internal conflict and repression which builds over time and releases at random.

Perhaps she loved the OM but did not like him, while she likes you but does not love you, as my W said to me "I don't love you like you love me" . When she said that I felt like the Michael character in the Godfather movie when he realizes Fredo has betrayed the family.
 

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Discussion Starter · #67 ·
Might be…I suspect she will never be happy,no matter who she is married to and that is a character flaw maybe from childhood.He mother did not work a day in her life,her father worked himself to death to provide for her and 5 kids.The mom is selfish and self absorbed so maybe all was not sunshine and roses in her childhood home.Im just fed up thinking of this affair that I had no part of….no person marries and has an affair so fast….or maybe the fact she already hid him from me before our engagement means there was already something going on before our wedding…which is even more evil
 

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3rd baby after I was away fishing for a week and came back!She now say she hates him but defended him at first…he was a good person that cared for het and gave attention to her,always made sure her drink was full,walked her to the car to make sure she was safe,he was a better person than me at the time..etc etc
I would DNA test the child. She is in the sorry I got caught mode. That probably won’t last.
 

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Hi, I did not have kids with a cheater,I thought I stared a family with a loyal wife.I only discovered this mess after 2 off my children was already born.She chose to start a family without me knowing anything her betrayal....this is what pisses me of most.....

I just cant understand or process why a good girl, raised in a good home with morals, a girl that makes me promise to never have secrets and preaches how she would never cheat, live with a guy for 3 years happy as hell, get married and in a couple of months after the wedding engage in an affair and totally betray everything.The affair as far as I now started and ended when he left all in the first year or marriage

I might understand an affair years into a marriage , but months?
People lie. You’ll never have a good life with that type of person. Making excuses to stay will get old quickly.
 

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Might be…I suspect she will never be happy,no matter who she is married to and that is a character flaw maybe from childhood.He mother did not work a day in her life,her father worked himself to death to provide for her and 5 kids.The mom is selfish and self absorbed so maybe all was not sunshine and roses in her childhood home.Im just fed up thinking of this affair that I had no part of….no person marries and has an affair so fast….or maybe the fact she already hid him from me before our engagement means there was already something going on before our wedding…which is even more evil
That should tell you who she is. Believe her or you’ll probably get more of what you’ve gotten.
 

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Discussion Starter · #71 ·
That should tell you who she is. Believe her or you’ll probably get more of what you’ve gotten.
Believe me I know now that it is not my fault for her unhappiness and anger towards me. What is strange is while she was hiding this "emotional affair" developing and till it ended when he moved she picked fights for silly stupid things, and not very often.I did get a lot of texts that time while she was always working late were she apologized for snapping at me or saying something I did not deserve.

She did however bad mouthed me and our marriage behind my back , all things that she never mentioned to me and none of it was present before either

After he left this dramatically increased behind my back and also in her attitude towards me, she was critical , angry, blaming me for everything she felt was wrong and what I did or did not do to make her happy.

She deleted her facebook account " told me she was making herself unhappy by looking at other peoples lives and they looked so happy and did so many wonderful things" so she deleted it to stop looking

Obviously she was stalking his Facebook profile

I felt like a bad husband because she was always not happy with me , whatever I did it was never good enough.

Example: When my 1st born was 3 I took my family to our holiday home at the coast, literally spent 17 days with her and the kids 24/7 and we then visited her family down the coast at her mothers house. The first time we went to the beach there my brother in laws insisted we go and have a beer in a bar overlooking the beach, in full sight of our families.Keep in mind my wife was with her 2 sister in laws with their children, her mother.I had 3 sips of my beer when she came walking up to to the bar and yelled"your n **** dad" ......the people in the bar laughed , the people on the beach heard it and looked at me..
Why was I deserving of this?Because I went for a beer with her family, not one of theire wifes had an issue with this....

Later the holiday I walked in to her telling her mother she has a husband that does nothing to help her.

I did not take this treatment and it led to me being very angry at her.

So in her mind I was the bad husband and to blame for everything, nothing I did was acknowledged or did not matter for years after her affair.....it did not apparently matter to her that it all started when she decided to hide another man and start a love affair.....and this my friends was the poison that caused every single one of my marital problems to date.

So I refuse to feel guilty or take any blame
 

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At this stage I have protected my assets and companies in case I decide to walk away.As I stated I have a newborn baby boy,3 and 5 year old daughters to protect and put first,I don't care what anyone says,I went through a divorce as a child and it does mess up any child.

Im no chump or spineless man to want to try everything to avoid my kids having to deal with a stepfamily.Say what you will,a man does not care the same for children that are not his own.

However should I discover anything more she omitted or lied about in the future I will walk away immediately,she knows this

And the truth always finds a way to come out,like me stumbling on a text years later.

So for now I will give it a bit more time,if my baby boy is a toddler and I feel the same I will probably leave her anyway.

Someone mentioned how do I look her friends in the eyes..I don't,everyone I know she bad mouthed me to and was to cowardly to either tell me or believed it has been removed from my life.Her family as well..

Her family ,including my 3 brother in laws showed me they are not worth my loyalty and support.Believe me I have financially helped them over the years,I supported her mother and was always there when they needed someone.

I guess loyalty and family mean more to me than most

So I will be fine and will definitely not be hurt by my wife again,she cant break something that does not exists right.Im the dark of night it sucks as I stare at the ceiling pissed off many nights,but the sun always rises

One thing I never mentioned is the coward of a affair partner knew that time who I was ,he risked much, those years I would have not reacted well towards him if I found out.

Since the day I found the text he as gone underground,he deleted his social media etc.

He does not know some of his wife's friends are old dive mates of mine and they told me he is avoiding visiting Africa…so a coward that is scared of a man whose marriage he meddled in.
If they are actually yours. DNA and you may have your proof of adultry.
 

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Believe me I know now that it is not my fault for her unhappiness and anger towards me. What is strange is while she was hiding this "emotional affair" developing and till it ended when he moved she picked fights for silly stupid things, and not very often.I did get a lot of texts that time while she was always working late were she apologized for snapping at me or saying something I did not deserve.

She did however bad mouthed me and our marriage behind my back , all things that she never mentioned to me and none of it was present before either

After he left this dramatically increased behind my back and also in her attitude towards me, she was critical , angry, blaming me for everything she felt was wrong and what I did or did not do to make her happy.

She deleted her facebook account " told me she was making herself unhappy by looking at other peoples lives and they looked so happy and did so many wonderful things" so she deleted it to stop looking

Obviously she was stalking his Facebook profile

I felt like a bad husband because she was always not happy with me , whatever I did it was never good enough.

Example: When my 1st born was 3 I took my family to our holiday home at the coast, literally spent 17 days with her and the kids 24/7 and we then visited her family down the coast at her mothers house. The first time we went to the beach there my brother in laws insisted we go and have a beer in a bar overlooking the beach, in full sight of our families.Keep in mind my wife was with her 2 sister in laws with their children, her mother.I had 3 sips of my beer when she came walking up to to the bar and yelled"your n **** dad" ......the people in the bar laughed , the people on the beach heard it and looked at me..
Why was I deserving of this?Because I went for a beer with her family, not one of theire wifes had an issue with this....

Later the holiday I walked in to her telling her mother she has a husband that does nothing to help her.

I did not take this treatment and it led to me being very angry at her.

So in her mind I was the bad husband and to blame for everything, nothing I did was acknowledged or did not matter for years after her affair.....it did not apparently matter to her that it all started when she decided to hide another man and start a love affair.....and this my friends was the poison that caused every single one of my marital problems to date.

So I refuse to feel guilty or take any blame
This is very typical. Read through some of the threads here and you’ll see it. That’s why they are called the cheater script. They all follow the same basic pattern.
Nothing special except it’s happening to you. There is no magic fix.
Drop the hopium pipe.
 

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I’m curious what you believe she was doing when working late?

also, why would you stay with a woman who doesn’t love you and seemingly is repulsed by the thought of you. If you say for the kids, you’re just using them as an excuse. Kids shouldn’t see you staying with a cheater who doesn’t love you. Horrible example.
 

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Discussion Starter · #75 ·
I’m curious what you believe she was doing when working late?

also, why would you stay with a woman who doesn’t love you and seemingly is repulsed by the thought of you. If you say for the kids, you’re just using them as an excuse. Kids shouldn’t see you staying with a cheater who doesn’t love you. Horrible example.
I disagree that trying all possible options and to give it as long as possible for the sake of my small children is an excuse.They are very young and will not understand till they are much older.Meanwhile they will be scared,hurt,confused and definitely in some way feel like its they’re fault.I lived through a divorce as child so I know how it feels.
It takes strength and backbone to put others that or so totally dependent on you for their future and happiness 1st. My life and happiness does not matter if it comes to them…think what you want about me but I guarantee you if this came to light years ago before my first born that I would have cut her out of my life so fast her head would still be spinning.
 

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Discussion Starter · #76 ·
It is a FUBAR situation and millions of people has experienced the same before all of us.It is not a death sentence for my happiness and this to shall pass like all the hard times before
My wife lost the most from this and knows my perception and feelings for her ,my marriage history and trust for her has forever changed for the worse.She has to live with the fact that I dont believe it when she say that she loves me and that she destroyed the relationships I had with her family and friends…the control she had over me is gone and nothing she does will give it to her again….so she lost what could have been a pure untainted marriage full of trust and respect.
All for a few months of whatever with a married man that lives on his wife's back for support.
 

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My wife lost the most from this and knows my perception and feelings for her
Your statement is pointless, she didn't lose anything. If she actually was in love with you that would be a valid point, but since she was never really in love with you (neither she is at this point) , she didn't lose anything that she would really care for. Your whole reasoning about your situation is nothing but excuses, excuses, excuses. It's your life, but in reality you never chose anything, you have let everything around you determine your fate. In other words you've been a passive dude since the moment you realized that you were second fiddler. You are Sir Lancelot falling on his sword in order to save his cheating Guinevere.
 

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Well it does sound likely that it was physical with him since there certainly was plenty of opportunity and the coincidences with her work schedule before and after he left. But until she admits the full truth, your marriage is a lie and only going to get even worse.

I would definitely contact the dude. Tell him your wife admitted to the affair. Just tell him you are mad at her not him and just want to get the full truth and how it started, how many times and whatever else. Don't let him hang up to get his story straight with her.

Then whatever he says, tell her you had a conversation with AP and you will give her one chance to tell the truth or your packing your bags for good and will see an attorney in the morning.

At this point, you just need to know if she is still living a lie. If she is, you will be divorced in less than a year regardless so you really have nothing to lose. If you really think it's worth saving then she has to come clean.
 

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At this stage I have protected my assets and companies in case I decide to walk away.As I stated I have a newborn baby boy,3 and 5 year old daughters to protect and put first,I don't care what anyone says,I went through a divorce as a child and it does mess up any child.

Im no chump or spineless man to want to try everything to avoid my kids having to deal with a stepfamily.Say what you will,a man does not care the same for children that are not his own.

However should I discover anything more she omitted or lied about in the future I will walk away immediately,she knows this

And the truth always finds a way to come out,like me stumbling on a text years later.

So for now I will give it a bit more time,if my baby boy is a toddler and I feel the same I will probably leave her anyway.

Someone mentioned how do I look her friends in the eyes..I don't,everyone I know she bad mouthed me to and was to cowardly to either tell me or believed it has been removed from my life.Her family as well..

Her family ,including my 3 brother in laws showed me they are not worth my loyalty and support.Believe me I have financially helped them over the years,I supported her mother and was always there when they needed someone.

I guess loyalty and family mean more to me than most

So I will be fine and will definitely not be hurt by my wife again,she cant break something that does not exists right.Im the dark of night it sucks as I stare at the ceiling pissed off many nights,but the sun always rises

One thing I never mentioned is the coward of a affair partner knew that time who I was ,he risked much, those years I would have not reacted well towards him if I found out.

Since the day I found the text he as gone underground,he deleted his social media etc.

He does not know some of his wife's friends are old dive mates of mine and they told me he is avoiding visiting Africa…so a coward that is scared of a man whose marriage he meddled in.
Im no chump or spineless man to want to try everything to avoid my kids having to deal with a stepfamily.Say what you will,a man does not care the same for children that are not his own.

However should I discover anything more she omitted or lied about in the future I will walk away immediately,she knows this


you said the above so why does it mattter you state your not spinless and dont want your kids to deal with a stepfamily OKAY FINE !! yet you also say if discouver anymore lies omitted you will leave...

SO all that is BS becasue you already know she has continured to lie hence why all of us are saying you are spineless because your using an excuse about stepfamily .. if that was the case then it doesnt matter if you find out more lieing which there is !! Man up what do you think you will be teaching your boy .. that its okay for him to be in a relationship where he is abused and lied to !! or even worse That he should be like his dad .. you are supposed to be his hero and all your actions shoud demonstrate that..
A stepdad maynot be able to love him as much as you think but he can difinately teach him to be a man that has spine which now you are not especially if you continue to rugsweep smh
 
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