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I just can't understand a man that after finding out the truth about how much "love" his wife has for him is using the old "I have children" to stay with such a woman. These days divorce is easily as 50/50 co-parenting and you don't even have to see her face. That's pathetic.

Believe her? c'mon dude, are you that naïve/weak, or are you just desperately trying to hold on to something in fear of losing it. FYI, you never lost her because she was never yours to begin with.


Divorce her if you have any semblance of self respect and dignity; which it seems it have been lacking through this relationship. You've allowed her from the get go so many red flags that its been looking like a parade in Red Square. Why would you want to stay one more minute with such a woman, I mean why? Why do you even care if it was physical or not, when you know she has never been yours in soul, mind, and definitely body. It is such an idiotic and emasculating thing to even think asking the POS other man about it. What? do you really think he's going to give you the truth? are you really that naïve?
 

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You’ll have to overcome a lot of pain to ever trust her again.
That's what I'm afraid of. OP through his post has given a likely indication that he will just sit there and take it. Most unfortunately, because to live like that knowing that the woman you're with was never yours must be psychologically a heavy burden to live with.
 

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it.I have a baby boy that I want to hold and put to bed..leaving will rob me of that.
Like I previously said, where are you getting the idea that if you leave, you won't see your children? By the flag, I think you're in South Africa. Do fathers don't have rights for custody over there?, have sought legal advice to understand where you legally stand in your children's custody? If you haven't, why haven't you?

Are you that much of a simp? Have you make arrangements to DNA your children to verify that they are really yours? Why not? Don't be so ignorant as to say "because they look like me". That's an ignorant supposition. YOU MUST DNA THEM. This sends your wife a clear message. Stop being a pathetic afraid fool. Gather your balls and act decisively.

As things are, your wife must have little if any respect for you, and based on the way you have reacted since the beginnings of her shenanigans, she has every right to think so.
 

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my children were born years after he moved overseas and no doubt are mine…I guess the long detailed description I wrote is me trying to find another explanation to me knowing it was 99% sexual as well…
I'm glad to hear your explanation of your children time of birth.

Now, you already know that she pulled one under you. So, the question is, what are you going to do about it? Are you just going to let sleeping dogs lie, or what?
 

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The worse part, I told her at the first marriage counselor that if she tells me the full truth and don't lie to me that I will not divorce her. She chose to lie.......
So, at this juncture, have you done anything to get the process rolling? have you already secured a family lawyer? has you gotten any legal advice as to where you legally stand on a divorce? Have you ask the lawyer about the 50/50 child custody/co-parenting? or are you just talking and no actions? Talking might get you to feel better in the short run, but actions are what will solve your situation, not to mention it will make you look look like a man that has self respect and dignity regardless of the crap sandwich that is being serve.
 

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My wife lost the most from this and knows my perception and feelings for her
Your statement is pointless, she didn't lose anything. If she actually was in love with you that would be a valid point, but since she was never really in love with you (neither she is at this point) , she didn't lose anything that she would really care for. Your whole reasoning about your situation is nothing but excuses, excuses, excuses. It's your life, but in reality you never chose anything, you have let everything around you determine your fate. In other words you've been a passive dude since the moment you realized that you were second fiddler. You are Sir Lancelot falling on his sword in order to save his cheating Guinevere.
 
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