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Well, it sounds like you need to work on developing more cooperation. Right now, both of you feel stressed and anxious. I can somewhat empathize with your husband's point of view, too, since he was "doing enough" and then found himself in a position where he had to do much more through no fault of his own, and now feels like you're telling him it's not enough.

Is there a reason your 16 and 19 year old cannot clean the house? I can't imagine being on welfare and hiring a cleaning person when there are two people of this age living under my roof. They're also old enough to work and contribute to the household to some degree. The 16 y.o. may have suitable reasons to not work, but your 19 y.o. can and should be contributing. All this pressure should not fall to your husband.
 
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