Well things have gone from bad to worse.
My wife has been back home for the last week, and things have been going well, she started seeing a councillor to sort herself out, at least thats what she told me.
Anyway, on Friday she had a session and was asked to do some homework, to right a list of the positives and negatives on me, despite curiousity I know better and stayed well away, its her private time and thoughts.
So Monday she has another session and talks about these things, when she came home we went to bed as normal, she then tells me she has parked her car at the end of the road because someone had blocked our drive, so I said i dont like the idea of it being there all night and offered to move it which she agreed, but didnt know where her keys were.
I looked for them, and opened her work bag, laptop case, and there was her list of positive and negatives, only it wasnt just on me it was on another man.
We spoke about it and she told me she had been asked to write the lists on all outside influences so I dropped the issue.
We went to work together as usual we catch the same train in, she said she had a meeting at 18:30, at around 15:30 she texts to say she is feeling down about me seeing the list, and has managed to get an appointment with the councillor, so I say ok.
I was passing the councillors place on the way to work so thought as I am starting to get trust issues I would turn into the road just to make sure her car was there, it wasnt.
So now I am concerned, I drive to her rented place which she hasnt been staying and there is her car, along with the other guys car, off course I went charging in.
He was more confused than I was, they are just friends nothing going on, and actually I totally believe him, he thought we were split, and she had asked him round to put together a table, his tools where there, and I am 100% convinced he was genuine.
She on the other hand put on this sharrad saying she wasnt at counciling she was considering doing it, that she hadnt been at mine for the last week, and that she hadnt been staying.
Suddenly things fell into place, she had coming in through the back door, parking her car out of sight, she has I believe told all her friends and all our neighbours that we are totally over, whilst staying with me and telling me we are on the mend.
She is living 2 totally different lives, and I believe she wants something to happen with this guy, but he is unaware.
I really do think she has gone mad, and unfortunatly because she has seperate our lives as in, her new friends I dont know and our old ones, she is telling the new ones we are over and the old ones we are working through it.
So today, I have decided there is nothing more I can do, i love her to bits, she was my life, my future, but I cant help her, I cant trust her.
Who knows what the future holds, I hope she can fix her issues I know I cant help her, and I know that if she does anything silly like sleep around (its not like her but given the circumstances you never know) I would not be able to forgive her.
I'm taking the day off tomorrow, to start protecting myself, locks are being changed bank accounts are going to get frozen, and I have to start figuring out how I will get on alone.
My parents where the only ones I have told, they are as shocked and confused as me. But I have asked them to let the rest of my family know the situation.
Oh and this may sound a little crazy, but, after I spoke to the wife and this guy, I went straight to my parents, they live on the route in between my house and the rented house, so when i left coincidently the wife drove past me, along with this guy following, so I decided you know what I am going to find out where he is living and if she is staying the night, so I followed, they didnt go to the same address, she went to a friends house, which makes me believe even more that the affair, is in her head only as surely they would have either stayed together in the rented house, or gone back to his house.
Anyway as painful as it is, I have to for the time being give up on my marraige, realise its not my fault, and start building a life for myself, if only I had as much confidence in myself as these words imply.