Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 36 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Have you ever begged for sex???

Have you ever begged for sex from your spouse? We are in R and I was begging him for some intimacy but he totally refused. In fact he fraught and slapped me. I can't sop crying... What do I do???
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
45,136 Posts
Re: Have you ever begged for sex???

You are in recovery? Who cheated? You or him?


Has he ever hit you before?

How does he normally behave when he's upset? Does he hit things, throw things, etc?
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
45,136 Posts
Re: Have you ever begged for sex???

Also ... "fraught" do you mean "fought"?

How hard did he slap you? Are you brused? Swollen? have welts?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I posted on the other forum too... I have my strory in another post... Wednesdays and Fridays are our scheduled sex days but my spouse find some way or the other to bypass the commitment. Today I really wanted to be intimate with him as it helps me connect with him. I feel he cares/ loves me. Today he started argueing and fighting near bed time. I knew he wanted to avoid me. I begged and he slapped me and said I want the intimacy only when I want it... I don't know if I'm making any sense but I just can't stop crying... I came down and tod him I'm going to watch some tv and he said... Come back on time! What do I do???? I just can't stop thinking how he would have reacted if it was th OW...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Re: Have you ever begged for sex???

Also ... "fraught" do you mean "fought"?

How hard did he slap you? Are you brused? Swollen? have welts?
Sorry I meant fought... He didn't hit me hard today as I didn't respond... In previous occasion if I replied he has become aggressive...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I'm sorry, did you,say he slapped you?
Time to move on honey.
Get some support and get yourself away from him!
I wish I could... If I was in my own country, I'm sure I would have left him when I found out about his EA... It's so hard with no support herer...
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
45,136 Posts
Re: Have you ever begged for sex???

What does he do when he is aggressive?

Are you afraid of him?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Re: Have you ever begged for sex???

What does he do when he is aggressive?

Are you afraid of him?
He throws stuff.. Hits... You can imagine the worse and he does it... I have learnt to keep my mouth shut all the time specially on weekend nights... :) putting that smiley thing is so difficult right now... I wish I had no kids
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
45,136 Posts
Re: Have you ever begged for sex???

I found this on your other thread:

After the DDay, I compare myself with the OM alot. If I say something hinting her in anyway, he becomes abusive. Last night, same thing happened. He pulled my hair and dragged me out of the bed, slapped me, kicked me. My head is so sore right now. In the morning he was apologic again and hugged. I told me not to bring her in the picture ever again. He said it was a mistake that he made and reminding him of the same makes him mad. What should I do?

YOu need to get away from him. He is seriously abusive and violent.

It would be easier to help you out if we know what country you live in.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
45,136 Posts
I found this on your other thread:

After the DDay, I compare myself with the OM alot. If I say something hinting her in anyway, he becomes abusive. Last night, same thing happened. He pulled my hair and dragged me out of the bed, slapped me, kicked me. My head is so sore right now. In the morning he was apologic again and hugged. I told me not to bring her in the picture ever again. He said it was a mistake that he made and reminding him of the same makes him mad. What should I do?

YOu need to get away from him. He is seriously abusive and violent.

It would be easier to help you out if we know what country you live in.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Re: Have you ever begged for sex???

I live in US. He is a good dad and a good person ( for others)... Everyone in my friend circle tells me how lucky I am to have such a husband... How funny how someone can have two images...
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
45,136 Posts
Re: Have you ever begged for sex???

Abusive spouses very often are very careful that no one outside the household see that they are abusive. My son’s father was abusive to me. He never raised a hand to me if someone else was in our house. For this reason it was hard to prove his abuse. Have two images is very common for abusers.

Your husband is not a good father or a good person. A good father puts his wife and his marriage first. He does not cheat on her. He does not hit her; pull her around by her hair, etc. A good person does not do these things either.

There is help for victims of domestic violence everywhere in the USA. You need to get in touch with one in your area, get some counseling and put together an exit plan.

Do you have a job outside the home right now?

One thing I suggest you do is to get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and hide it in the room of the house where he is usually violent to you. This way when he is you have evidence of what he is doing to you. Then call the police. That time when he pulled you around by your hair, hit and kicked you… you should have had him arrested that time. He will not stop this behavior until other men step in and tell him that he cannot treat you this way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Re: Have you ever begged for sex???

I have been told to call the cops and I've told the kids too but they are afraid as well... Three of us are always in the fear of what his reaction going to be ... And none of us are ourselves around him. How sad but at the same time my kids love him. I can't say the same thing after what has happened in the last 6-7 months. He is sometimes too good like he surprised me with a limo waiting outside our home on our anniversary last week... He went to his own self after that. He knows I'm upset and crying downstairs and he is sleeping soundly! He was upset because I texted him saying ' thanks for asking how I'm doing' after almost entire day went by... I was sick with flu from last three days and was not able to get up. I went to work after 3 days today and he was not there to support us in any way. My girls warmed the food and fed me. He was giving advice to my friends husband to get some soup for my friend as she is sick. He even gave me expired med ( expired in 9/12) may be unknowingly... But what a coincidence!!!
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
15,076 Posts
Re: Have you ever begged for sex???

=/
I vote "Listen to Elegirl"

Especially this:
One thing I suggest you do is to get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and hide it in the room of the house where he is usually violent to you. This way when he is you have evidence of what he is doing to you. Then call the police. That time when he pulled you around by your hair, hit and kicked you… you should have had him arrested that time.
If you're talking fear, he'll start to fear YOU once he realises you're not as helpless as he once thought. Be strong, and be OCD with any evidence you can grab in court.

You may probably still love your husband and that you may want to be a good wife, but you are simply putting up with too much sh-t not to mention you have a really, really bad environment for your children at your home with abusive husband which is not exactly the healthiest example for them to witness. Respect yourself, show your children that they should not have to live in fear. You owe it to them as their mother for crying out loud!

Oh... and NEVER... NEVER EVER BE ON YOUR KNEES AGAIN! Bah! Frankly... its PATHETIC! Respect yourself woman!
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
7,548 Posts
Yes, definitely get away from him.

Do you have family who can help? If you have please reach out to them.

And what is a scheduled sex day? I/we just do it when we are horny.

I'm not a relationship expert but this sounds dysfunctional to me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Re: Have you ever begged for sex???

=/
I vote "Listen to Elegirl"

Especially this:


If you're talking fear, he'll start to fear YOU once he realises you're not as helpless as he once thought. Be strong, and be OCD with any evidence you can grab in court.
RandomDude: I really want to be strong... Really... And I Mean it !!!! But I have no support. What will happen next? I have no family in this country. When I told my parent and his parents they advices me not to bring any topic that will annoy him. He also thinks I want to rule him or I don't know the exact word to use here but how is this possible? I don't even know what that means.. My slightestest of comment triggers his anger. I just want to die and not able to live with this,,,,
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
15,076 Posts
Re: Have you ever begged for sex???

RandomDude: I really want to be strong... Really... And I Mean it !!!! But I have no support. What will happen next? I have no family in this country. When I told my parent and his parents they advices me not to bring any topic that will annoy him. He also thinks I want to rule him or I don't know the exact word to use here but how is this possible? I don't even know what that means.. My slightestest of comment triggers his anger. I just want to die and not able to live with this,,,,
Ok... WHAO...
Slow down...

Which country are you in exactly? Did you move there to be with him? What is your cultural background?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Yes, definitely get away from him.

Do you have family who can help? If you have please reach out to them.

And what is a scheduled sex day? I/we just do it when we are horny.

I'm not a relationship expert but this sounds dysfunctional to me.
This is the middle of the school year and I don't want my girls to suffer... I am planning to go to my country this summer and if the circumstances remain the ame, I will never come back. May be I will leave my kids with my parents and commit suicide...

Oh regarding scheduled sex days... How interesting... Since we are reconciliation after his emotional affair, we decided we will have sex two days in a week... But it never happened. I guess he is still dreaming about the over woman or may be having fun with her... Who knows and who wants to know...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Re: Have you ever begged for sex???

Ok... WHAO...
Slow down...

Which country are you in exactly? Did you move there to be with him? What is your cultural background?
I'm from south asia... If that helps in any way... :) we got married and came here to US and it's been15 years in this country... I know if I take any step, I have no support....
 
1 - 20 of 36 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top