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Hello to you all,

I have been following these threads and feel it is time for some advice of my own.

I met my now Husband about 5 years ago during studying. He is German and me been English. For me it was love at first sight and for him it took longer.

We never argued to start with we got on so well and it went pretty fast, we moved in together after 3 months.
I loved him so much at this time I thought it was too good to be true.

After 1 year I fell pregnant with our child, this was unplanned and we lost our daughter at 20 weeks, so we went on to try for another child. After our third attempt, we have an amazing 2.5 year old son who is my angel, he was born at 25+5 weeks and I adore him to the end of the world. I am maybe a little over the top with him.

We decided to move back from Germany to the UK ( much to my disapproval) as I wanted to stay in Germany. My husband wanted to gain a new experience in the UK so I agree. This was only on the terms that we stayed up North near my family and friends (as I am very close with my parents).

Although after applying for his dream jobs, my Husband got a job at the other side of the UK in London (6/7 hours away from my reality) with hesitation I agreed.

Due to this, I gave up searching for my dream job as I couldn't ever leave him with anyone apart from my parents. And we lived too far for them so my mind would never be at ease.So I decided to become a childminder and make a business from this.

I feel like I have give up everything for my husband, and he gives me nothing in return. Since we have been married he has took full control of the wallet, talks to me so disrespectful and just changed so much. I am not even sure if he loves me.

It doesn't help that his parents have no emotions (only ever seen our Son 3 times in his life and created an atmosphere on our wedding day.

I just feel like my husband is becoming a person I didn't fall in love with, all he talks about is money. Myself, having turned to going to bingo when we moved down here a few months ago (a place to relax). He has took full control of anything or least trying to just like the dynamics between his parents. But I can't give in to him as I have already given up so much and he gives nothing in return. Only earache.

We argue literally every day, and our son is in the middle of it. I believe he loves his job more than me as he never switches off. I mean I have asked him time and time again to look for another Job so we can move up North as I am unhappy down South, but he says point blank no.

I just feel lost at this moment he has took the bank card off me, stopped me from going to bingo and all he does is call me words like a retard and try to put me down.

Any ideas is this normal of men ?
Thanks
 

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I think marital counseling is a must. He shouldn't be making decisions independent of your input or well-being. Calling you names is obviously not acceptable either.

I'd invite your husband to go to marital counseling with you. If he refuses, then I would take your child with you back to your parents, and live with them till he gets his head screwed on straight. If you think he'll become violent in any way, then you should pack and leave when he's at work and won't be back for a while. Leave a note explaining where you've gone and why.

You aught to read the book "Love Busters" as well. Link below.
 

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Is this normal? Really? Does your father treat your mother that way? It's a legitimate question, because daughters of domineering men often marry someone like their father, even when they don't mean to. (Sick, isn't it?)



No, it's not normal. It's not uncommon, but it is decidedly not even a little normal and always means a sick marriage. You may have touched on it about his parents. He may be another emotional flatliner. Deeply troubled people know they are troubled and dysfunctional, and they very often very adroitly pretend to a normality they don't really understand. Not hard to understand why. No one like to feel they're messed up. But it's still pretending. And they can't sustain it, because, again, it's really outside their ability to understand.



When this happens, it's rarely going to change, because why change? It feeds his needs, abnormal as they are. And you have so far accepted it. Any chance he has at normality will have to be his own doing and will almost certainly not be with you. I don't know if he can with anyone.



All you can do is tell him this is intolerable, and it must change or the marriage is over. If you can't tell him that, you need to work on you until you can tell him that. Anything less than a totally repentant response from him tells you what you have to do if you don't want to live your entire life like this.



But absolutely DO NOT imagine that it's not worth wanting better because it's just how men are. That's absurd.


OP, this is excellent app information and advice, please listen. The only thought I can add is that you need to decide if you want your son to be exactly like his father when he marries and starts a family. Get out now before this type of behavior becomes “normal” for your son. I am absolutely certain that your H is not the role model you want for that sweet little miracle baby. You fought so much pain and loss before being blessed with that little boy, please offer him the best chance to live his blessed life to the fullest — and the happiest.

THIS IS NOT NORMAL! NOT NORMAL FOR MEN, NOT NORMAL FOR WOMEN.

Please contact your parents and tell them what you’re going through, they love you and will want what is truly best for you and your son — and what is best is NOT your husband.
 
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