Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 989 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
294 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Women want the alpha, but how can you attain it? I myself don't think of myself as a pure alpha. I used to be nice and try to get along with everyone. However, over the years I learned that it's better to be more alpha for your career and in your marriage.

Some things I try to do myself that have helped me:

-Whenever there's a decision to be made, I try to decide one way or another without hesitation. Even if it's as small as where are we going to eat or what do I want to do. I decide and she follows.

-I'm not as nice to my spouse in terms of helping around the house or with my kid. I don't show her much affection. Whatever she does, I do a bit less. This makes her like me more.

My sex life has improved as a result. Any other ideas? Becoming the alpha is a learning process...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
615 Posts
It's a closed loop with the hesitation, isn't it? Once you realize you may hesitate, it already doesn't count. If you've taken a decision without hesitation, the absence of hesitation doesn't immediately register. The only analogy I can think of at the moment is learning to ski: your body balances itself when you stop looking down.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
93 Posts
I've never met a man who was pure alpha. We all have our ups and downs. Sometimes I am as alpha as it gets....sometimes I might engage in beta behavior and put a stop to it...and sometimes I'm an omega cause I like going solo and doing my own thing...so for me.....alpha+omega=good, beta=bad.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12 Posts
its human nature to be attracted to someone who is interesting, successful and moving forward - and the key, to take care of you.
you have to live it and become it which is the hard part especially because it may involve being stronger than you have been and sticking to your guns.

a lot of guys fall into the trap of being like a servant - in my view - it is often because they are moulded that way early in the relationship ... and then they look up years later and realise they have lost their way and lost respect all because they were trying so hard to please...

good luck anyway - it is something i trying out at the moment
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
128 Posts
Adex, you may want to bump up (bring this thread back from the past) by posting there:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/56922-suggestions-upping-alpha.html#post1096883

Would be great to have them all in one thread and see if any new ideas start to flow again.

........ and the key, to take care of you.....
Again, very true, and at the same time, very counterintuitive for us nice guys. That's why NMMNG is a good read as it emphasizes the above.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
294 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
a lot of guys fall into the trap of being like a servant - in my view - it is often because they are moulded that way early in the relationship ... and then they look up years later and realise they have lost their way and lost respect all because they were trying so hard to please...
That is true. Men are taught by society to be a gentleman, the nice guy, romantic, and the girl will love you for it. It has caused a whole generation of wimps and metrosexuals.

The truth is, women think they want that but they really don't. Deep down inside, women want a strong confident man that isn't super nice to them, will disagree with things from time to time, won't be their servant, will tell them what to do, and will lead them. It's what turns a girl on.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,644 Posts
That is true. Men are taught by society to be a gentleman, the nice guy, romantic, and the girl will love you for it. It has caused a whole generation of wimps and metrosexuals.

The truth is, women think they want that but they really don't. Deep down inside, women want a strong confident man that isn't super nice to them, will disagree with things from time to time, won't be their servant, will tell them what to do, and will lead them. It's what turns a girl on.

When did you get a vagina? Until you do, just stop telling or speaking on behalf of women. I know what I believe and I sure as heck don't need some dude to tell me what I want. You are also wrong, for me at least. The simple fact that you think you know what women want and are so bold to speak for an entire sex, makes you sexual napalm to me. Tell me again about how I get turned on, I friggin dare you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
OOH adex, you are treading on fine glass. you are tight about society carving men but it carves women too.

It depends on what type of partner you end up with that either enables you or not to remain as you were bought up or change according to your situation.

I also believe that your character is formed from a very young age from your parents as your role models. My father-in-law is a very strong, only what he says go and my mother-in-law does not have a say at all ever (not even what she wears sometimes!)if she wears new clothes as she fancies sometimes.

I feel that my husband is similar except that i was bought up by parents who were very much in love and they both decided on all everyday and family or their own couple issues. So it's like my father-in-law character being married to my mother character (my huband and me!).

In the end life is too short. One has to know what they want in life. If you are not happy then this day and age it's very acceptable to move on!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,214 Posts
That is true. Men are taught by society to be a gentleman, the nice guy, romantic, and the girl will love you for it. It has caused a whole generation of wimps and metrosexuals.
.
:iagree: x 1000%!

I don't think men should " try " to be more Alpha.

A lot of guys over analyze this stuff.

What a man need to do is work on improving himself.
Part of that work includes discarding everything society and the media taught you about how women want to be treated and what type of man a woman is sexually attracted to.

Self confidence is one of the basic traits of the Alpha male.

Self confidence and sexual attraction comes when you ;

1] Break every rule and stop being predictable.
2]Set your own personal rules, and stick to it.
3]Stop accepting disrespect from ANYBODY.
4]Take responsibility for yourself, your sexuality, your manhood. DO NOT BEG FOR SEX.
5]Learn how to say NO to people, including women .
6]Take charge of your marriage / relationships.


Last but not least.
You cannot tell a woman what makes her a woman.After all ,
She is a woman.
Conversley,
NEVER allow any woman to define you, categorize you ,or tell you what makes a man,
A MAN.

You are the MAN.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
103 Posts
:iagree: x 1000%!

Last but not least.
You cannot tell a woman what makes her a woman.After all ,
She is a woman.
Conversley,
NEVER allow any woman to define you, categorize you ,or tell you what makes a man,
A MAN.

You are the MAN.
Powerful stuff here and think may be the root cause to a lot of issues with men having issues with women......they want to be a gentlemen....do what a woman wants to make her happy......looks like that can backfire more often than be successful.

:smthumbup:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,253 Posts
To me there is nothing so 'beta' as worrying about not being more 'alpha'. You are who you are. Trying to engineer your personality for fear of your spouse leaving is sad and will be really transparent. Like a kid smoking to try to look more grown up.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,456 Posts
That is true. Men are taught by society to be a gentleman, the nice guy, romantic, and the girl will love you for it. It has caused a whole generation of wimps and metrosexuals.

The truth is, women think they want that but they really don't. Deep down inside, women want a strong confident man that isn't super nice to them, will disagree with things from time to time, won't be their servant, will tell them what to do, and will lead them. It's what turns a girl on.
To a large extent this is true, OP, but there's a fine balance...

My partner is alpha, but he manages to combine those qualities with being a true gentleman. He has no need to 'prove' himself by not helping around the home or holding back on affection etc. To me those aren't alpha qualities, they're manipulative games that I would see through in a trice and find most unattractive.

I can see how a Nice Guy has to make certain changes in order to earn more respect, but, as I said, there's a fine balance.
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
8,168 Posts
When did you get a vagina? Until you do, just stop telling or speaking on behalf of women. I know what I believe and I sure as heck don't need some dude to tell me what I want. You are also wrong, for me at least. The simple fact that you think you know what women want and are so bold to speak for an entire sex, makes you sexual napalm to me. Tell me again about how I get turned on, I friggin dare you.
Are you beating up the boys on the playground again?

Adex, I'm very glad that the steps you have taken have improved your marriage. Improving the marriage is not always the outcome.

And as many do point out, when someone decides to take a hard look at their behavior within a relationship, if the changes they implement don't ring true to their partner, it can also spell further alienation or ridicule ... at which point it's time to close up shop.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,888 Posts
My husband is the nice guy type, especially when it comes to me. He's always put my needs before his own and in return I do the same for him.

I wouldn't want my husband any other way. I love him for who he is. We have a very fulfilling and happy marriage. If he were the alpha type to me, I highly doubt I would of married him. We both work on our marriage equally hard and it's our number one priority. My husband and I are very similar in personalities and we both adore each other. My husband is the boss in his department, I'm sure he gets the alpha fix he needs through his work.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,374 Posts
I don't think all women are the same nor want the same kind of guy nor want the same kind of lifestyle nor want the same kind of relationship dynamics with their partners. So it doesn't make sense to me that all guys need to be "alpha".

Sure, if you aren't respected by your partner, absolutely take a good hard look at who you are, what your relationship dynamics are, and who your wife is.

But trying to be more "alpha" is not a cure-all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,456 Posts
I don't think all women are the same nor want the same kind of guy nor want the same kind of lifestyle nor want the same kind of relationship dynamics with their partners. So it doesn't make sense to me that all guys need to be "alpha".

Sure, if you aren't respected by your partner, absolutely take a good hard look at who you are, what your relationship dynamics are, and who your wife is.

But trying to be more "alpha" is not a cure-all.
Absolutely.

I've matured into a strong, independent woman and I tend to gravitate towards men who are similar. When my partner and I disagree, it isn't a battle of wills for one of us to come out on top, or for him to prove he's alpha. We respectfully negotiate until we find some common ground, each respecting one another's opinions and boundaries. Any major decisions would be formed and based on the most logical option, not whose opinion mattered most.
 
1 - 20 of 989 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top