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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I finally discovered why my husband wanted a divorce, its not about all the things I did 5 years ago..................


I know you're confused, so here's my sad story...........

My husband left the country 4 years ago to work in a neighoring country, left me and my son, I couldnt go right away coz I had a job and his was not very stable at first.

Later when Ive spoken about moving to his country and looking for a job he'd give all sorts of excuses which I believed.
End of last year my contract ended and we'd agreed we'd move then but when it came to it he agin started with the excuses.......

Feb 12-I got another job but before I took the job I insisted we talk, he didnt want to come home or me to go to him....I was confused. I went anyway and he was very angry and insisted I go back home, I did after crying and pleading with him not to do that to me and the kid(s)- we now also have a 3 yr old daughter

March 12- He gave indications that he'd reconsidered

April 12- He came home for Easter and we spoke, he said we could try again and said we could move in August. I suggested we move at the beginning of next year so that our son in school could finish the year

June 12- He came home for our son's 9th birthday and everything seemed fine....His job invilves a lot of travelling as he is inolved with wildlife so he always had an excuse for us not to visit as he'd say he was 'ON TRIP' nd away from home

August 12- He came home and everything seemed OK. I asked him how he spent his birthday which was a few days earlier and he said he'd been busy at work

September 12- Saw a post on FB a girl/woman saying something about having a good time at his birthday get together? Asked the girl what that was about (PMed). Got a call from him saying how he didnt like me PMing his friends on FB, me snooping around behind his back etc.

Communication with him suddenly changed, he started saying we couldnt live together. I begged and apologised. Asked him to come home so that we talk or I go to him. He said 'NO' he'd come home on 21 Dec for xmas then we'd talk. Started again on wanting a divorce- reasons 1. I'm controlling 2. I got angry and hit him some 5 years ago when I found out he had made a girl we both know pregnant, so Im violent and could kill him 3. His mom and my mom have never met 4. I said he was depriving me sexually

December 19- Called him to ask if he'd be able to get the kids clothes for xmas, and he said yes

Dec 21- Didnt show up, I didnt ask

Dec 24- SMS sayin 'Will not be able to make it'' with details so that I could get money he sent. I call him and he tells me his house is being renovated so he cant come?? What the hell?

Dec 25- Not even a Merry xmas call to me or the kids, all the time my 3 year old is talking on-stop about her daddy

Dec 26- I get on a bus , kids and all, un announced after all we're married his home is my home too and he cant stop me from going, right?.....................................................
 

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I would probably leave him, just saying.

This has suspicion written all over it.

No husband gets mad at his wife and makes her cry/leave for wanting to see him.

The FB post by the other girl basically confirms it.

No show on xmas, solidifies it.

I would never tell someone what to do, but this is my observation.

Good luck and be strong!
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
.........................Its a 12 hour journey so we got there around 8pm, got a taxi to his place.

The gate was wide open meaning he was out but around, the door was locked but tv was on, so my kids and I waited, told them daddy was likely coming soon

About 10 mins and this car drives in, lady driven. I instantly recognise it, the make. He told me he'd bought 2 cars for sale a Merc A class and an ML. Told me he sold the A class and was now looking to sell the ML. THE CAR WAS AN A CLASS MERC!

Lady parks and walks out of the car, greets us so politely and asks me how she can help. ; 'Im looking for ****'' I say and she tells me he's out but would be back soon. She ushers us inside.....Hell, this is supposed to be MY home!

She tells me her name and I tell her mine and my kids'' names. She calls ***** and tells him 'you have visitors'' I hear her say our names then I hear her say ''Just come home'' before she hangs up. I tell her to ask him to bring us something to eat as we are hungry and she calls again and tells him.

She offers the kids some cool drinks and I ask her if we can talk outside................................
 

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And??

I feel like I'm reading a novel. :scratchhead:
 
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Im sorry for the late update. I have since moved tolife after divorce, I feel comfortable there as I have accepted my situation adn m trying to move on.

Anyway, we spoke this gir and I. She revealed to me that she'd been dating him for 2 years. She'd suspected he was married but he had denied, she had asked some relatives of his who had visited , 1 had told her to ask HIM and the other an uncle with the same behaviour as my husband had told her we were divorced

He told her we were married and had a son then seperated. He told her I now have a daughter, so she was asking if my daughter is his (imagine that!)

She says she had believed him coz he told her 'his side of the story'

I couldnt believe it, but then it was so like him, but to delete his own daughter ???

She told me of girls calling in the middle of the night threatening her, girls coming and making scenes at his place and she told me of a child he had fathered with a different girl, a 7 month old baby!!!

TBH I knew my husband had weaknesses but Id never imagined........

Im so thankful that I followed my instinct and travelled to see what was going on, the mystery of more than 4 years was unravelled.

Yes Im embarassed to say I still considered a reconciliation, I was afraid of being divorced (not alone ive been alone most of the time in the marriage), I felt so much pity for my kids, and I thought I was afailure.

Im glad he refused that we should reconcile and I know he was absolutely right, he set me free. I was also unclear what the bible says but I know in my situation it sets me free and Im free indeed. Im looking forward to starting a new life a life after divorce.........he doesnt know how much he's saved me from myself
 

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That's so horrible. He lived a lie for a long time. You have every right to move on with your life without him and his life of drama. You and your children.
 
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