Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 41 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
9 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hello,
I'll try to put long story in short version.
I had a wife, and a business partner with girlfriend. It came out that I and my business partner's girlfriend fell in love. I have divorced quite fast, but my love stuck in double relationship. It took 10 month for her, to move out from that guy.
Now we live together, but I feel very bad inside.
I always had a vision, that my wife should be "made" only for me. (And I had such a wife, that I left) I even made a promise to myself, that I will never marry, or live with lady, who gave all herself to somebody.
Now I feel trapped, because I love that lady, but I can't get rid of 2 things:
1. She in a way cheated me all that time, and she had sex with me, and after few days with her boyfriend. That makes me go out of my mind.
2. I don't know how to accept that she had a past before we met?

Everyday I'm thinking, that she was having pleasure with other men, and I don't know how to cope with that. When I think, that maybe my future wife and mother of future children did that with other man, I can't accept that.
Even sex sometimes negative because I picture her doing the same with some other guy, and than I turn off completely.
I love her, but now it's very painful for me, I don't know what to do..
Maybe You could help me?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
178 Posts
A relationship that starts from cheating rarely will last. Truly I think you should cut your losses and start over fresh. She was sleeping w.her BF during the time you just got together...how do you get over that? Give yourself some time alone. And the next person you get involved with should be SINGLE!
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
9,914 Posts
Here's anothering thing to think about:

IF they'll cheat with you , they'll cheat on you.

So she may still decide to sneak out and hook up with the old BF - they former business partner you cheated on with his GF.

You've chosen to be a cheater and to be with a cheater. You're now both cheaters - so the mere idea you want a girl who's pure and loyal is ridiculous, since you've selected a woman without honor and have obtained her in a most dishonorable manor.

You either need to adjust your expectations to be honest about the situation and the type of woman she is and the type of man you are - or you are going to continue to suffer because your wants are opposite of your reality.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
634 Posts
This is why I don't understand people cheating and then leaving with the AP. How could you ever trust someone that cheated with you? I am thinking that what you are going through is beyond normal. How can you have a relationship where there is no trust to begin with?

With all that being said, almost any relationship that you start now will have a past. You are not 10 yrs old anymore. I think the bigger picture is that you have come out of the affair fog. Real life is kicking in and you have realized that it is the same as a marriage without the trust. I do not see you guys lasting. Maybe it is time for you to be single for awhile.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Here's anothering thing to think about:

IF they'll cheat with you , they'll cheat on you.

So she may still decide to sneak out and hook up with the old BF - they former business partner you cheated on with his GF.

You've chosen to be a cheater and to be with a cheater. You're now both cheaters - so the mere idea you want a girl who's pure and loyal is ridiculous, since you've selected a woman without honor and have obtained her in a most dishonorable manor.

You either need to adjust your expectations to be honest about the situation and the type of woman she is and the type of man you are - or you are going to continue to suffer because your wants are opposite of your reality.
She cheated with you and will cheat on you too. You can't turn a hoe into a housewife..You were married and hooked up with her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,303 Posts
Hello,
I'll try to put long story in short version.
I had a wife, and a business partner with girlfriend. It came out that I and my business partner's girlfriend fell in love. I have divorced quite fast, but my love stuck in double relationship. It took 10 month for her, to move out from that guy.
Now we live together, but I feel very bad inside.
I always had a vision, that my wife should be "made" only for me. (And I had such a wife, that I left) I even made a promise to myself, that I will never marry, or live with lady, who gave all herself to somebody.
Now I feel trapped, because I love that lady, but I can't get rid of 2 things:
1. She in a way cheated me all that time, and she had sex with me, and after few days with her boyfriend. That makes me go out of my mind.
2. I don't know how to accept that she had a past before we met?

Everyday I'm thinking, that she was having pleasure with other men, and I don't know how to cope with that. When I think, that maybe my future wife and mother of future children did that with other man, I can't accept that.
Even sex sometimes negative because I picture her doing the same with some other guy, and than I turn off completely.
I love her, but now it's very painful for me, I don't know what to do..
Maybe You could help me?
You had an Emotional Affair/ Physical Affair, divorced the woman who promised to spend the rest of her life with you, and then you tried to make this woman you were cheating with into the woman you left.

Yea good luck with that. I think you have a lot of soul searching to do because you have really hurt a lot of people. I bet you thought that this woman would be your muse, your inspiration for a perfect life. That is what we call AFFAIR FOG. You jumped out of marriage with someone you knew well for someone you barely know except for the fact that she is good at flirting and making you feel good in bed. Now you have to find out if she is marriage material.

Do yourself a favor stop seeing this woman before she cheats on you and leaves you feeling the same way your 1st wife feels now. You have made your bed now you have to face the music.

It is going to be a bumpy ride. I would suggest you call your first wife and go crawling back begging for her to take you back. Give Reconciliation a chance. But yea good luck you are going to need it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,303 Posts
This is why I don't understand people cheating and then leaving with the AP. How could you ever trust someone that cheated with you? I am thinking that what you are going through is beyond normal. How can you have a relationship where there is no trust to begin with?

With all that being said, almost any relationship that you start now will have a past. You are not 10 yrs old anymore. I think the bigger picture is that you have come out of the affair fog. Real life is kicking in and you have realized that it is the same as a marriage without the trust. I do not see you guys lasting. Maybe it is time for you to be single for awhile.
You know what they used to do to people who where traitors. When a person was a traitor and the country they abandoned lost. The winning country would publicly execute most of them as a sign of good faith and to prevent backlash and because the new leaders would not trust someone willing to turn their backs on their homeland. I know it is a far cry from marriage but I think the lesson is universal. Don't turn your back on the people that know you and love you. For someone who is using you and then will leave you to die out in the cold.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
But if we will forget, how it started?
Maybe you could give some advices how to live on and continue, because still there's a possibility, that it turns out well..
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
634 Posts
But if we will forget, how it started?
Maybe you could give some advices how to live on and continue, because still there's a possibility, that it turns out well..
That is just it....you will never forget how it started. That is like forgetting your first kiss or you first marriage. Go ahead and bury your head in the sand. I am going to tell you as a BS there is no hurt like being cheated on. When that time comes...I will be here to help you get over it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,940 Posts
Obviously you resent she was cake eating for nearly a year while you left all for her without a doubt.
You will pay her by cheating on her, that's the way you manage relationships after all, right?

Also your GF is a cake eater, proven fact. She will cheat on you. No doubt about it. The question is not "if" but "when" wna "who". That's the fate most couples born out of infidelity get. But of course you nad GF are special, unique. Love conquers.... what?

Nice move lose any inch of integrity destroying your marriage and bussiness - along with two other innocent people - only to find the grass is not greener.


Stay here for a while, read some threads, get some insight of the other side, familiarize with the terms. At least get some awareness of the reality of this kind of relationships.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,815 Posts
How can you love some chick that brings out the worst in you?

I mean your GF helped you ruin your marriage and now she helps you feel like crap! This is not the girl for you.

Learn your lesson and find a women that has the *character* to be loyal to you and her self that has healthy boundries.....you just might learn something from this kind of women.

The one you have now won't teach you a thing or bring out the best in you.

Run Forest run!!!!!!!!!!



You can't make your GF better, you can however make your self better by finding a better GF.

How long has your GF been in counseling to learn the tools to be a emotionally healthier person, and address her issues with the lack of boundries she has?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
970 Posts
But if we will forget, how it started?
Maybe you could give some advices how to live on and continue, because still there's a possibility, that it turns out well..
Well going by statistics, its a long shot for happily ever after but it does happen, rare as it is.

But going back in time, I suppose the relationship with your ex wife started out without cheating as a precursor. Yet, it ended. So life's a gamble, it might turn out well, it might not.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9 Posts
Discussion Starter #17
Don't you guys, a bit judgemental?
Yes, I made a mess in my, and others life. But if it's true love? Maybe it was worth doing it, and now it requires only to arrange everything in the right way?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,306 Posts
It sounds like you only want to marry virgins. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Now, don't take this the wrong way, but your chances of meeting a virgin at your present age are slim and none. And any girl near your age who is a virgin has some ...not sexual hang ups, but has made choices which don't include an active sex life.

ANY girl you date or marry presently (outside of some 20 year old co-ed) is going to be experienced.

So you need to adjust your expectations.

I do not wish you good luck because I don't think you deserve my well wishes. Two people are hurting badly because of the choices you made. I wish them good luck.

But I wish you no animosity.

Edited to add: Was your wife a virgin when you met? Seems it wasn't that important to you.

How exactly do you 'arrange' for an experienced girlfriend to suddenly be a virgin again?

And the base word for 'judgemental' is judgement: the capacity to assess situations or circumstances shrewdly and to draw sound conclusions
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9 Posts
Discussion Starter #19
Yes, my wife was a virgin, and that was important for me.
I don't think, that it is possible to "arrange" virginity for new gf, of course. My question was, how I should start to think, and how to overcome all bad feelings, if I want to continue with her.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,306 Posts
Okay, let me be blunt. Why should I help you?

What is your motive in all of this? What are you trying to do with her?
 
1 - 20 of 41 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top