[leftfield]

I know what you mean. I've joked about some risqué things but even the jokes weren't meant with any good response so I knew anything more would be too much.

I did suggest we get a boat and we could go out and be naked in it and have all kinds of fun and then for three days after that I took a beating for suggesting buying a boat! Not as much the sex on the boat but the boat itself! I then said we could rent a boat instead and her reply was "I'm not talking about this dumb idea anymore". So needless to say that idea didn't "float".

Jokes never go over well with my wife, but at least I'm getting the sex life I would like.

I am sorry to hear that about your boat idea getting wiped out.

 

[leftfield]

@farsidejunky, has one of the best sayings I have every seen.

It goes something like; "How long are you going to let her remain in her comfort, while you are in discomfort".

 

[ccpowerslave]

What is the fun of oral to completion if you have to wear a bag? She doesn’t like fluids? That one you should’ve seen coming (no pun intended). I’d say that one is a red flag you straight up missed. The days of wearing condoms should be done the minute you say “I do”.

Haha well I didn’t find that one out until after we were married. I rarely use them normally but will for oral and I went from almost zero oral to maybe more than I want.

You have to figure if you leave and you’re banging random chicks you’re wearing one all the time if you don’t want STDs.

 

[Personal]

That's pretty good if you can get it to work. I was unsuccessful at a similar attempt. And my ideas were just things like sex in the backyard, going to a topless beach or watching an erotic movie together. No such luck.

I still think the way you have approached these things with her, haven't done you any favours. And the erotic movie watching proposal was to share the activity in a very passive and unappealing manner.

If you want to go to a topless beach with her, get in the car with her and just take her there. If you want to do sex in your backyard or while out and about, give it a go in the moment after you have got her going. There's lots of things that are better shared by getting on with trying them in the moment when your partner is aroused. The items that are probably best prefaced with discussions are things like sharing sex with others, doing anal sex, having your partner wear nipple clamps, golden showers.

I realize my situation and she is not going to change. She was married long term before our marriage so she's set in her ways. I just have to decide if going without is worth staying or not??? Not an easy decision.

That said considering the picture you have shared.

51 year old male on second marriage. First one lasted 20 years and then ex bailed out on me for another guy. So new wife of 5 years is great but a few hangups have bothered me. She was all into sex when we first married and dated and now she's not.

Next issue is she doesn't work. Said she can't find a job but her lack of work is killing us financially. I work around 50 hrs a week and make decent money but if she was working, we could really be making a huge amount in our future savings. My goal is to retire by 60 and travel as I love going places.

• She worked when we met and got married. She got let go and then hasn't worked since. She has a masters degree so to me finding a job should be easy for her.
• She was into sex and alot of things when we got married. Oral, anal, you name it. Now its just missionary to get "get it done".

- She may be depressed as she has put on weight and just enjoys sitting around alot and goes to bed early (8 or 9 pm) each night

The longer you stay married to her, the deeper the hole you will find yourself in. Which will make it even harder to get out without bleeding plenty.

So despite divorce not being a fun activity, if I were you I'd be choosing that path as soon as possible, since waiting will only make it much worse for you.

 

[ccpowerslave]

Actually what @Personal wrote there is super helpful with the quotes pulled out. You could almost take the bolded bits out and use it as a conversation. “We used to be X. What happened?”

 

[Openminded]

Assuming I don’t have you confused with someone else, when you first started a thread about her some time ago the advice you got was to move on. The advice still stands. The longer you stay the worse it will get as she becomes more and more comfortable with her life (she doesn’t seem to care too much about your life). Reality is she has it made now. You don’t.

 

[JustTheWife]

All this talk about "starfish". I like being a ragdoll. Is that OK? Or is that just as horrible as a starfish?