[oldgeezer]

Some of you know that things in my household are a bit tough right now... I'm having a hard time keeping focused and not becoming discouraged and angry/depressed.

Aside from the relationship with the wife, I have high blood pressure, which requires medication, I was diagnosed diabetic a few weeks ago, and my business is growing, but the nature of the beast right now, is that expenses are growing faster than the income and I'm not finding a magic bullet to fix that. In three years, the income has grown 20 percent, expenses 300 percent.

I'm having a hard time maintaining a good positive mental attitude. Many years ago, after my remaining parent died, my part time business failed, and we were forced into bankruptcy by my in-laws (all in rapid fire succession) over a home loan cosigning, I kind of went into a self destructive funk. Not knowing what depression was, I endured it for a while. Eventually, as with most things, it passed and the sun came out in life again.

I find myself feeling burned out and noticed that I have lost interest in almost everything I used to be interested in and just spend my time focused on my problems. That's unhealthy, I know. Just can't seem to not do it, though.

I know what ended my experience last time, and this time it's not available. I volunteered a lot of time, helping out a youth program. But that's no longer around, and my financial status precludes things that cost - and that did cost quite a bit of money.

So, just looking for suggestions, thoughts, advice, anything...

 

[indiecat]

Rumination leads to depression. To ruminate is to go over and over the same issues in our minds. I've had to force myself to set a time limit on this, I'll let myself dwell on the negatives for awhile but then make myself stop. It does help, because negative thinking really can escalate.

'The Depression Cure' is a great book, not sure of the author, but he has a lot of really good tips.

Physical exercise has been shown to be as good as an anti-depressant for mild to moderate depression, and it's free!
Get some walking shoes and go for it. It would do wonders for your BP, your diabetes as well! If you are not fit start with 15 or 20 minutes of walking a day, you will be very surprised at the effect afterwards.

 

[oldgeezer]

Rumination leads to depression. To ruminate is to go over and over the same issues in our minds. I've had to force myself to set a time limit on this, I'll let myself dwell on the negatives for awhile but then make myself stop. It does help, because negative thinking really can escalate.

'The Depression Cure' is a great book, not sure of the author, but he has a lot of really good tips.

Physical exercise has been shown to be as good as an anti-depressant for mild to moderate depression, and it's free!
Get some walking shoes and go for it. It would do wonders for your BP, your diabetes as well! If you are not fit start with 15 or 20 minutes of walking a day, you will be very surprised at the effect afterwards.

I started on that some time ago. I'll lose more than 50 lbs this calendar year, as I"m already about 45 down.

I walk (started hill climbing, fast walking didn't raise my heart rate anymore), ride an exercise bike, and started lifting weights.

I guess what's bothering me is that I have lost interest in all my hobbies/ interests, even my business. And I can't find anything to replace them. To me this is a big giant red flashing light. Throughout my ups and downs I have always maintained keen interest in many things. And now I just suddenly haven't any interest in them at all, and I feel like I resent having to work at my business.

Yeah, something's wrong here, but for the life of me, I just can't figure out what's going on. I used to "get happy" from doing those things in the past and suddenly, they hold no interest and I don't want to touch them. I have tried, but the things I was doing a year ago that I found enjoyable and renewing... I dread even looking at them.

Maybe it's just that I'm not asking the right questions, or looking for the right things. In theory, I'm doing all the right things... exercise, losing weight, managing my health issues, eating the best diet I can, and so on. It certainly isn't giving me back whatever it is I've lost.

 

[indiecat]

Do you think it is a depression? Have you taken any of the depression quizzes? There are many good ones online. Lack of interest in previously enjoyable activities is a red flag of depression. Low mood, apathy also.

Last time you kicked the funk you started a whole new activity, I wonder if there would be something new, that is low cost to try.

If this persists would you consider an anti-depressant? Just temporarily? Do you have a good MD?

 

[oldgeezer]

Do you think it is a depression? Have you taken any of the depression quizzes? There are many good ones online. Lack of interest in previously enjoyable activities is a red flag of depression. Low mood, apathy also.

Last time you kicked the funk you started a whole new activity, I wonder if there would be something new, that is low cost to try.

If this persists would you consider an anti-depressant? Just temporarily? Do you have a good MD?

No, I will not consider an anti-depressant.

I think it's warning signs. Depression takes many forms, and often it is self directed anger. I have a lot of things on my plate... Pretty much all of them can't be resolved in the present.

It's really hard to sort this stuff out. As for whether there's things I'd like to do that get me out of this place and mindset... yes, but I always feel a little guilty about doing them, because there's a cost (not a big one), and that, right now, is a huge problem. There just isn't discretionary income of any kind. Well, none that I have, at least.

 

[oncehisangel]

can you see a financial adviser?

my business did the same thing and so did my soul.
Can you sell it? Is that an option?

its so frustrating isn't it.

 

[oldgeezer]

can you see a financial adviser?

my business did the same thing and so did my soul.
Can you sell it? Is that an option?

its so frustrating isn't it.

LOL, can't afford one... ironic, huh.

Seriously, though, it's not a matter of my financial competence. There's external things to my decisions that are going on and are presently neither predictable nor possible to change. This is something that just has to be endured until its over. And it will be over, eventually.

 

[MEM2020]

OG,
You don't have to answer if you don't want to but the expense/revenue math seems hugely out of whack.

For a normal business that would create a situation where it was losing a lot of money. Enough to make it preferable to shut down and just go get an hourly job.

This one issue could be why your wife is so hostile

 

[oldgeezer]

OG,
You don't have to answer if you don't want to but the expense/revenue math seems hugely out of whack.

For a normal business that would create a situation where it was losing a lot of money. Enough to make it preferable to shut down and just go get an hourly job.

This one issue could be why your wife is so hostile

My business started with an expense overhead of about 10% which only grew to about 15 over several years. In the last 3, it has gone from something under 15 to a little over 40.

The business is much more competitive than it was, so while everything else goes up, what I can charge has not. I'm still working on improving things. It takes time and creativity.

That's not really the problem here, though. It's a little bit different dynamic, I think. I make what would be any "normal" job in my area that I'm qualified for on paper, which is to say 'not that much'. Elsewhere, I could probably do quite well, but just not here, there's huge competition and little market for my best skills - we have 4 colleges / universities churning out a number of people who have degrees (though not the experience and knowledge) to qualify them.

My wife had certain aspirations of what she wanted to be all along and has pursued it off and on for 20+ years, with the last 4 finally making the most progress - with my blessings and approval, of course.

I just didn't realize that doing so meant I was simply setting myself up for her to leave.

 

[Michael A. Brown]

With your situation, you really need to have time to relax and ease your feelings.

 

[oldgeezer]

With your situation, you really need to have time to relax and ease your feelings.

I'm trying. But my business has no days off, I have no substitute, and it's a 24/7 business. So, I've been working on "renting" my business out to a trustworthy I guy I know who has my skills and capabilities, who would continue to operate and grow it, in return for a considerable majority of the income.

And I would go and do something else, something that has time off without obligation, regular days off, etc. And a larger income.

 

[oncehisangel]

ill come and pick you up and swing by Bora Bora

you need a holiday now good sir

 

[oldgeezer]

ill come and pick you up and swing by Bora Bora

you need a holiday now good sir

LOL, thanks! It's ok, though. While a vacation sounds nice, I don't need to go there to do it. A camping trip to Death Valley or the Mohave Desert would be awesome... and it's the right time of year, as well.

 

[oldgeezer]

ill come and pick you up and swing by Bora Bora

you need a holiday now good sir

There's a lot more to this than I realized. I did take a day off and went out to the dunes to play in the 4x4 with a bunch of Jeepers. Did wonders for my mental state. Small wonders, but enough to help me realize just how burned out I'm feeling.