[I'mInLoveWithMyHubby]

Every once in a while my body seems to head towards a depression ever since my neck injury. My injury left me disabled and often I do feel worthless as a wife since my husband did not sign up for this. I tend to keep these feelings to myself and snap out of it on my own.

This time it's different. It's much stronger. I'm feeling physical side effects like body aches and fatigue. I cry all day long in spurts. The tears just roll down my face.

The last thing I need to do is put a strain on my marriage. My husband has enough to deal with at work and his new position. I can see his stress levels has increased as well since the job change. He tries very hard to keep those emotions at work. In the last few days I had a massive anxiety attack. I can recognize those and with deep breathing I can actually stop them, which is amazing. These anxiety attacks are so bad my chest caves in and I can not breathe. They are strange for sure. I'm not in my right mind during these attacks. I can't help that I feel worthless due to my injury.

What are some things I can do to snap out of this? I'm very limited in my physical activity, but I do manage to bike a few minutes a day. It's hard for me to leave the house, but I did make an appointment to get my hair foiled and trimmed today. It's not often where I do things for myself.

Maybe there are herbal supplements I can try? The last thing I want is going to a doctor. I do not want any more medications then what I'm taking. My stomach can not handle any more.

Should I bring this up to my doctor? She's already tried putting me on antidepressants the last time I went through this. I was able to get myself out. This time I have physical effects, which never happened before.

I haven't told my husband about this yet. I don't want him to push me into seeing the doctor and worry about it. He has enough on his plate already. Thanks.

 

[Mavash.]

Embrace the depression. I think all that is going on is the new job is making your feel guilty and therefore you feel the need to punish yourself.

For anxiety 5-htp helps a lot. For depression I just watch what I eat (no sugar, no artificial sweetners, low carb, etc.)

 

[Runs like Dog]

Physical aches and pain are common with depression. The pharmacology has to do with your body's inability to produce and process norepinephrine. This is why some SNRIs are used to treat 'fibromyalgia' which is a broad definition for idiopathic chronic pervasive pain. Idiopathic is a fancy medical term for 'we have no idea what's doing this'. In the US the big 3 are Cymbalta, Pristiq and Effexor.

When severely depressed patients say they're unable to move or can't get out of bed or feel like they have the flu, it's because that's how they experience that physical pain and discomfort. It's real.

I have no idea what your circumstances are but two things I have looked into are changing meds aggressively finding whatever works. And less traditional measures such as going to a professional acupuncturist. I have chronic pain on the left side caused by damage in C7-C8. Traction only worked briefly, Massage not at all. Manipulation only temporarily. Acupuncture, in this instance seemed to offer the best results for the longest time. Your results may vary.

 

[AsTheStoryGoes]

As someone who suffers from depression and anxiety, I myself think you should definitely bring this up to your doctor, there isn't any harm in doing so. Have you ever tried antidepressants before? You might be surprised how much they actually do help, if you find the right one for you. It's a process, sometimes a long one. I have been on 3 different kinds of antidepressants/anxiety medication in the past and by the 3rd try I found one that worked for me. I stayed on it for about a year, and then had to get off because of insurance reasons, but found I didn't even need it anymore (for about 3 years I was off my antidepressant with no issues). The side affects sometimes aren't always the best (for me, lack of sex drive and loss of sensation in my lady parts), but if taking antidepressants helps you to be able to enjoy life, or even get out of bed in the morning, then it's worth it, and you don't necessarily have to stay on them for the rest of your life, just to help you get through your tough time. After having my second child, I fell into a severe bout of postpartum depression and got back on the same antidepressant I was on before, but a much lower dosage, and have been doing great ever since. I'm not one of those people who likes taking medications all the time, but sometimes you just need to do what is needed to be "okay". Being depressed, being stuck in that deep dark pit of despair, is no way to live. It's really hard...I know.

 

[I'mInLoveWithMyHubby]

Thank you all for your support. I still have 2 herniated discs, but I have a plate and screws in my neck. Traction is out of the question. I've tried it before surgery and it caused more harm then good. The neck pain is very unforgiving. It's severe and I've been dealing with it for over 4 years.

I really want to avoid medications if at all possible. I'm getting another ulcer from the ones I currently take(which isn't much). This means I'll be changing the current medications I'm now taking. I can definitely feel the fatigue. I normally am never fatigued. My arms and legs ache like crazy. I feel blah and I'm literally forcing myself to get my daily work done. I also have all these assumptions and negative thoughts racing through my mind. Mostly fear.

Going out today has helped somewhat. I'm paying the price of increased pain by leaving for a few hours though. I hope this doesn't refine me to the couch and bed for too long. After my hair appointment I met up with hubby for lunch. It was nice, I've never met him for lunch before during his work hours. He wants to set up a date for us horseback riding this weekend. The weather is suppose to be pretty crappy and he offered to take a day off of work to spend the day with me. We normally go out 1-2 times per year. This was a really nice gesture. I'm sure he knows I'm having a hard emotionally right now since I've been pretty withdrawn.

Usually I can snap out of this. For some reasons I'm more sad then normal this time around. The tears just flow down my cheeks most of the day. I try to hide this, especially from my husband and children. I do feel like I've failed my family.

I'm really afraid of bringing this up to the doctor. Last time I was like this, I ended up losing it in front of her. It was embarrassing. I've never in my life been depressed before or had anxiety like I have now.

Meditation is wonderful. This is something I've done in the past. It's been 2 years since I've last meditated. I should get back into it. I'm sure it will help restore the peace within me.

I've cut back on the sweetners and refined sugars. I cook/bake 98% of our food from scratch. Lately getting the energy to cook has become a challenge. Everything seems to be a challenge. I don't want my husband upset and worried for me about this either. I'm really good at communicating my needs, but this might not make it to him if I can snap out of it.

 

[Blanca]

Maybe the medications that you are currently taking are adding to your depression? No one really knows what the side effects of combing all those drugs are. It would be a good idea to let your doctor know about the changes.

There's a really good book called Feeling Good by David Burns. This book helped me tremendously with my depression. He goes through a list of cognitive distortions and reasons through them with you. He also talks about how to feel good about what you can do instead of dwelling on all the things you think you should do. The "should" thoughts in our head are what kill us.

But your depression could also be a serious medical condition; some kind of side effect of all the medications you are on so make sure to bring it up with your doctor.

 

[I'mInLoveWithMyHubby]

It's the severe chronic pain that's causing the depression. I've been disabled and housebound since I was 34 years old. I need a wheelchair whenever I go on a shopping outing. It's very embarrassing. The pain is often unbearable and hard to deal with constantly. I see other people up and about having a good time while I'm stuck at home unable to hold my head up for longer then an hour due to my injury. I'm scared of the future and what this will progress to.

I'm trying my best now to keep mobile and out of a permanent wheelchair. I will eventually need one full time as I'm older. Maybe in 10 years. I feel like I've failed my family because of this. If it wasn't for my children and husband, I'd wonder why life would be worth living for. Who wants to live in constant severe pain that's often unbearable?

I decided this morning I need to have a talk with my husband about this. I need his support as well. I need him to hold me and tell me that I need to stay strong.

Right now I bike a few minutes a day on a stationary bike and this has helped me tremendously to keep mobile. I've set goals for myself to keep myself occupied and to better myself. I need to get back on track. Living like this has its challenges and sometimes I feel defeated.

 

[Lyris]

I have read lots if your posts, ImInLoveWithMyHubby, and I am in awe of your courage and strength.

Staying positive and active the way you do when you are in constant pain is amazing to me.

I think your family is lucky to have you. Anyone would feel depressed in your situation, very few people would work as hard as you do with such a lack of bitterness and 'poor me'.

I second the recommendation for acupuncture. It can be a good pain reliever for the extra achiness that's being caused by the depression.

 

[I'mInLoveWithMyHubby]

Thank you Lyris. I've tried acupuncture in the past to no avail. My pain is permanent and I try to not let it bring me down. Every once in a while I can't help it and I spiral towards a depression. I normally can quickly snap out of it, but this time it's taking longer.

Just the other night I was having a full panic attack over the silliest thing. I can recognize these attacks and deep breath my way out. This sadness I'm feeling is a little more difficult to overcome. These panic attracts and bouts of depression started of the onset of my injury.

I need my husband's help this this time to snap out of this depression. I need him close by me holding my hand. He's been really busy lately and hasn't had time to relax on his free time. I talked with him last night and revealed some of my fears and insecurities. He was a little defensive as he thought I was blaming him, which was not the case.

My whole life I've set goals for myself. Once my neck injury came about my goals has drastically changed. I still make sure I keep to these goals. My 2 major goals right now is to become a better cook/baker and to bike on my stationary bike everyday. I must stay mobile as much as possible. I will end up in a full time wheelchair in the future.. I already need one when I'm out and about with walking involved. Pretty sad for only being in my 30's. I use to be so fit and run 6 miles everyday.