Many of you are looking at this from s relationship/marriage oriented perspective in which case, yes average and even somewhat homely men often get with attractive women. Beauty and the beast stories are common.
Average/a little above average/and even a little below average men probably marry at about the same rates as very very good looking men and perhaps even at slightly higher rate.
It’s no newsflash that women will enter relationships/marriage less attractive men.
Where women’s behavior is similar to men is with very good looking men in spontaneous, NSA and casual hook ups outside of traditional relationships.
Women will hook up with extraordinarily good looking men within a short period of time of meeting him, some times right there in the bar or parking lot. Sometimes even when they have boyfriends or husbands.
When a woman hooks up with a hot guy at the bar she just met, she is not wondering if he will be a kind, faithful partner ( in fact, she knows he won’t be) she isn’t wondering if he will be a good father and good provider.
She knows that he is hot and knows her body wants to mash with his.
When a real hot guy enters the scene, women respond and react much as a man would with an attractive woman.
Sometimes women will even shun real good looking guys in terms of relationships because they know he will be hooking up with other chicks, but that doesn’t stop her from pulling him into the bathroom at the bar and propping her bare bottom up on the counter to bang him.
Women are just as sexually responsive and adventurous and motivated as men..... but they just respond in that manner with a lot fewer people than a man would and they deny it more and cover their tracks better in public.
Women are not less sexual than men, they just have much smaller strike zones on how many trigger that response in them.
What does this mean?There were also good discussions about certain people attracting certain types.
Batman can be called on the phone? I thought you had to project a light into the sky or get into trouble to get Batman to come and ‘save’ youBatman is a handsome guy. However, I didn't even know what he looked like and I was already feeling the attraction. We had spoken over the phone; I dug his accent/voice and personality. He dug my accent/voice and personality. When first arranging to meet in person, we didn't think to describe our appearance to one another.
Totally agree, and that is why porn magazines for women with pics of naked men never did well.I still say my point that physical, visual attraction doesn't create the same arousal response in women is true (for the most part). Maybe women are more aroused that an exceptionally desired man wants HER, and THAT triggers her desire for sex with him, but I still believe that it's different from how men respond physically to visual attraction (again, for the most part).
With respect conan I am female and have mixed with thousands of women of all sorts over my life time from all sorts of backgrounds. Also many women in a group setting will act very differently from women alone and say things that they may not even mean or that arent true.I have been involved with literally hundreds of women, in their groups and close friends.
You also move in very different circles from many of us. I do not doubt the verity of your posts but in believing them, I conclude you have been around very different people and circumstances than many of us.
I believe you and your experience. It doesn't discount what is going on in other places however.
I don’t think this theory is correct. At least it wasn’t with me. I only ever pursued one person, at the time I was being pursued by 3 different girls. If the theory was correct, I should have ended up with any of them but I knew exactly who I wanted when I met her.What was it that made you think she was the one as soon as you saw her? Did she ever remind you of anyone? Was there something about her?
There's a theory afloat that some men decide someone's the one simply because they are finally ready to commit to someone and they just fall in love with the next woman that happens along and choose them.
Your post was very sweet. With this part though, I think you can gauge whether how you see your wife is consistent with how she presents in the world, through noticing the feedback of others. I'm not suggesting that love is conditional to the opinions of others, but if you thought the world of her and wondered if you were deluded, the reality-checking would be in her relationships with others, and how she interacts and conducts herself. If there was a big misalignment, let's say she was the bully at work, well, the world around her could show you different aspects of who she is. Compared to general congruence and then knowing her without the social mask.I cannot be certain that who I love is ‘really’ who she is, if that makes sense. It’s almost like idolising someone or being lost in a self-inflicted delusion. Being aware of it is kind of disturbing: are they really the way you see and feel about someone?
@oldshirt noted on the other thread that the woman in question attracted certain types of men. She was assumed to be attractive but very self centered and shallow.What does this mean?
That reminded me about when my husband and I met on line. 3 days after first contact we talked on the phone. I just LOVED his deep Aussie accent. One more clue that he was the one I wanted.I can only answer from personal experience and a married perspective. And without comparison to how the opposite gender navigates the world.
I have experienced women going nuts over the presence of a good-looking man, based purely on the physical. But all that has really meant, is expressing immature appreciative comments among other women. Example: In the office, colleague suggested that I needed to walk up to the front, indicating we had a visitor. I had no idea what she was referring to (my head was completely in work-mode), but she laughed and said 'Go... trust me.' Well, I actually needed to pop-out the office anyway, so whatever. When I turned the corner, I almost bumped into (basically but it wasn't) Hugh Jackman. Anyway, brief socially awkward laughter exchange due to this (the nearly bumping into one another, not the Hugh Jackman likeness). Returned to my desk a short while after, and yes, the giggles and hushed commentary about the good looking bloke were in full-force among the team of women. Nothing more or less.
And perhaps this is from a 'coupled' perspective but the physical aspect only goes so far. Presence and vibe of a person goes a long way. And with personality traits that are appealing to me. Being objectively physically attractive doesn't mean much without the other aspects.
Batman is a handsome guy. However, I didn't even know what he looked like and I was already feeling the attraction. We had spoken over the phone; I dug his accent/voice and personality. He dug my accent/voice and personality. When first arranging to meet in person, we didn't think to describe our appearance to one another. Anyway, he didn't run the other way so I was off to a promising start Our first interaction ended up being briefer than expected. Next time we met, wasn't a date at that point, the chemistry was there and we were kissing each others faces off. Lasting attraction is a combined thing.
What does this mean?
I am the opposite. Nothing much nicer to me than a guy in a smart suit and short tidy hair. As you say its all subjective.Thinking on this thread, we all recognize that handsome/beauty is somewhat subjective. I'm more drawn towards the non-clean-cut look; not a fan of tucked in shirts and ultra short haircuts. I remember when a close friend met Batman for the first time. Afterwards she admitted that she'd pictured me with a bulky football player type. Batman was on a zoom call recently, and the other person's kid was observing in the background. Referring to my husband, afterwards excitedly asked, 'Dad... you know Dave Grohl?!' The resemblance is really becoming uncanny. But one person's Dave Grohl is another person's Dave Beckham, Jim Gaffigan, or Lenny Kravtiz... As for visual appreciation of men, there's that walk-stride-swagger, toned forearms, musician hands... lots to visually appreciate.
Yes, I knew within a few days that my husband was the one for me.I don’t think this theory is correct. At least it wasn’t with me. I only ever pursued one person, at the time I was being pursued by 3 different girls. If the theory was correct, I should have ended up with any of them but I knew exactly who I wanted when I met her.
It was exactly how one would he described being hit by lightning, but in a kind of slow motion. The feeling that all you want is that person was overwhelming, like one of those powerful primal instincts, such as survival.
It is difficult to exactly describe what it is that makes you fall in love with someone.
It’s how all those little things all add up together (aside from the obvious, such as looks); it’s the way she holds herself, how she laughs. There are just too many little things that that gave me butterflies 20 years ago and I still get that same warm feeling when I see or think about her.
Of course we have our fights and she can be temperamental just as I can be stubborn..but that underlying feeling usually never leaves...
It really isn’t just the looks (even if she looks stunning). It’s everything put together. Looks would probably be a way to first notice someone for a guy, I admit, but it takes a lot more to fall in love, at least for me. Although I became obsessed with her pretty much instantly.
I also have a theory though.
I cannot be certain that who I love is ‘really’ who she is, if that makes sense. It’s almost like idolising someone or being lost in a self-inflicted delusion. Being aware of it is kind of disturbing: are they really the way you see and feel about someone? I have no idea as it is totally subjective. I think everyone has a certain capacity to give love to someone. And everyone has a ‘type’. When that type comes along (or someone closest to that type), we give our love to them, believing they are ‘The One’. If that type doesn’t eventually match these internal expectations, we fall out of love with them. But they themselves haven’t changed!
I just mean that the fact that being in love seems like a kind of delusion, is something I sometimes find a bit disturbing when I think about it...and realise it has all to do with me, and almost nothing to do with her...
Don’t really know how to explain it
What is also very disturbing is that you realise what a big empty hole it might leave in you, should the person be not there anymore in your life, for whatever reason.
Discussions and actions...With respect conan I am female and have mixed with thousands of women of all sorts over my life time from all sorts of backgrounds. Also many women in a group setting will act very differently from women alone and say things that they may not even mean or that arent true.
For women looks alone are generally not enough. Women are drawn to things like a sense of humour, a man who treats them well, who gives them attention, treats them with respect. Weirdly I have never ever been attracted to very good looking men, maybe because I cant stand arrogance and many very good looking people tend to be arrogant and think rather too much of themsleves for my liking. For me its a spark or 'chemistry' rather than looks alone. I think it was what my husband had written on his dating profile that really let me know what a genuine and great guy he was. We emailed for a few days before I had even seen a photo of him. We met after 5 days of first message and that weekend I knew he was the one for me and that I wanted to marry him.
Men generally are far more attracted to a woman due to her looks, for women its far more complex as to what attracts them.
Maybe its different for those women who would just jump into bed with a man just after meeting him, but I still think they are far from being in the majority.
Yeah, my friends have teased me in the past knowing that I like 'em a bit scruffy. Or really, a combination of non-clean-cut but with a tailored jacket. mreow.I am the opposite. Nothing much nicer to me than a guy in a smart suit and short tidy hair. As you say its all subjective.